Luceat Lux Vestra
by Kneel To The Left
Summary: "Maybe this is it," Regina sipped on her wine, filling her tongue with the lightest burn. Warmth filled her belly first and she turned her red-rimmed eyes towards her ex-wife. "Maybe this is all that's left between us now. Hostility under the guise of cordiality and we're just picking at carcass of what we once had. And frankly, Emma I am just so tired of being in love with you…"
1. Stains

The intimacy of a home can be taken in an instant, Regina realised. You can build and build upon the memories, upon the foundations of a marriage but there's no stopping the cascade of horror when it all comes falling apart, reminding you just how fragile your control over everything outside of you really was.

As the numbness overtook her, Regina sat still in her empty bed, motionless and rigid. The bags under her eyes weighed upon her much like the emptiness in her heart. With faint awareness, dark eyes tracked the movements of her wife of three years undress as she glazed through the room. She tossed yet another one of her leather jackets onto the nearest chair and stripped down until only her plain black boy shorts and white tank top remained. Just a few weeks ago, Regina would have instantly reprimanded her for such carelessness but now, a misplaced clothing didn't even rank in how wrong her life had turned. Without so much as a glance at Regina, Emma slipped into the bed with her back facing the mayor, nuzzling into the pillow.

Regina stayed seated for a few minutes. She had felt the shift in their marriage slowly eat away at them. The arguments and fights grew increasingly. The love they felt so strongly when they first met slowly falling away as stubbornness, hurt, anger and malice replaced all that was once good.

God knows Regina tried. She still always tried.

She laid down and inched towards Emma but there was no change in the blonde. Not physically at least.

"Can I hold you?" Regina asked, her desperation and fear seeping through her words but she didn't care. When it came to Emma she had thrown her pride long ago.

Since the day she said it was over.

Emma shrugged. "If you like," was the cold dismissive answer.

Regina swallowed but still took the fleeting moments that she could.

She pushed closer and wrapped her arm around the woman she so passionately loved but had no idea how to keep.

They were ending.

She remembered the last argument where she witnessed Emma just shut down and completely forget (or forced herself to forget) that she once loved her wife.

Sheriff Graham and Deputy Swan were having problems with documenting necessary files and paperwork that their jobs required. So naturally, Regina took it upon herself to hire someone who was more than capable in office work.

But Emma took it a little too seriously.

"So you just don't think I'm capable of it, do you?" Emma accused.

Regina stood tall, allowing the secretary she'd hired for the police force cower behind her while Graham tried to shrink himself behind his desk.

"It's not whether I believe in you or not, but whether you are performing as required. It's in your job description, Deputy Swan. I suggest you read it and comply with it."

Regina had tried to keep their professional and personal lives separate but it was far more difficult than she'd expected. Especially when Emma's lack of tenacity in doing her job, in every way required, left her with more slack to cover. As if she didn't have enough of that from the rest of the idiot council members.

"Bullshit," Emma retorted before she went on a tirade consisting of words and sentences that Regina was sad to say, more than used to hearing already.

Finally, with one hard look and her heart securely locked away, she spoke not as a wife but as a mayor, "if you want to victimize yourself, blame your sordid little past or blame me in your sad attempt to look for excuses to not do your work, I suggest you enter therapy sessions with Doctor Hopper and leave it out of your occupation. It is not my place to make leniencies just because you lack the emotional health to handle it."

The words had their effect. Emma was stunned into silence. Regina had been cruel before in their arguments to the same level as she has now, perhaps more on some really bad days. But something in Emma completely switched off after that.

The two outsiders in the room had managed to extricate themselves out of the line of fire, unnoticed by both women as they stared each other down.

"Well, fine then. It's over. We're done. You don't have to put up with me anymore," Emma spoke, her voice derived or both love or anger, the two extremities Regina had grown so used to over the last year.

Regina let it roll off her back. Threats of leaving weren't uncommon between the two. Not anymore. Regina had said it often enough but Emma's only said it once and the last time she did, Regina pushed herself onto the woman in their conjugal bed and begged panicked whispers for her to stay. Emma did. She thought things might improve after that but it only got worse.

That night when Emma came home from work, something was different. Usually, after a fight, she came after Regina to apologize but instead, she left it alone. Regina tried to reach out to her and ask what's going on but Emma just waved it off. In her anger, she raised her voice, demanding why Emma wouldn't try to just talk to her when she's always tried to give her the same respect. Emma turned and glared at her. The next words that fell from Emma's lips spread through her like poison. But it didn't hurt. It didn't burn. It just ate. Ate away at everything in her being until nothing left but the shell of skin and bones while her soul rotted away.

"Why should I? We broke up remember?"

That was two weeks ago.

Regina had tried everything. Begging. Pleading. Shouting. Loving. Holding. Caressing. But the more she tried the colder Emma became. It was almost like all the love she felt for Regina once was just tossed aside in the blink of an eye, carried away on a passing breeze.

So she knew.

She knew everything was changing but like a child clinging on to the fantasy of Santa being real, she held on to Emma, hoping all the love she poured into her arms would make her want to stay again.

Three more weeks passed.

Emma wanted to move back to Boston but things were complicated. Henry's wellbeing had to be put first. Arrangements had to be made. Legalities had to be sorted.

Divorce papers had to be signed.

The night before Emma's chosen date to leave, Regina, worn down to the point of insanity (and she did go insane for a little bit there) curled herself into sheets next to Emma who surprisingly still shared the same bed with her.

She was allowing the emptiness to fill her for a few minutes. It was as if her heart had taken too much and said 'no, I need a break here now' and just bolted itself locked completely. Regina no longer felt. No longer breathed. No longer thought. Her body went on but everything else that made her human fled from the daily onslaught of pain.

In a flash, Emma rolled onto Regina's body, letting her weight fall into her. Regina should have been happy. Been glad for this last voluntary show of affection (was that what it was?) but she didn't really feel anything. Her mind and heart had taken too much. But she loved Emma she knew that. Somewhere inside the barren wasteland of her senses, she knew Emma was still someone she would fight heaven and hell for.

So she tried to be strong.

She raised her arms and held Emma but there was no desire there. Not even love. She had already wasted all her emotions.

So it was just… one last small act of comfort for the woman who was leaving her.

Then Regina felt something. A small gasp in Emma's voice as her body pushed deeper into Regina. Regina knew that movement well.

With a numb emptiness, she did the only thing she knew how to do where she was able to completely give to another. Emotions were one thing. But the physical was always easy for Regina. So she began kissing Emma's neck and Emma responded immediately.

Their lovemaking was disconnected. Unfeeling. One just laid there and let her body be filled by a woman she couldn't stand for all Regina knew and the other was just offering her last act of services as a wife.

When Emma finally came on her palms and fingers, she felt her wife (ex… ex wife) grasp at her and pull her close. But it wasn't the same. Not anymore. The feeling of surrender Emma once showed when she allowed Regina to make love to her was gone.

She might as well have fucked a stranger.

Regina, in her exhaustion fell on top of Emma, breathing heavily as her heart stilled. She tried to collect herself when she felt Emma's hands fall on both her shoulders. She looked up, confused. The way her hands were there, the way Emma's face contorted with something that looked like pleasure and… greed. Regina knew that face well. She read the need on her hardened jaw, her taut lips, her narrowed eyebrows, the tension in her palms that touched her shoulder blades and knew exactly what Emma wanted.

It was something Emma hadn't allowed her to do for over two years. Not since… well that was a long time ago.

Regina just looked at her pleadingly. But whether she was pleading for a 'yes' or a 'no' she had no clue. Without thinking, she whispered, "Would you… would you like me to go down on you…?"

It was a few seconds before Emma hissed out a yes and nodded with her eyes shut tight. Like she was trying to block out everything while taking all at once. Regina moved slowly, her lips twitching as she moved down familiar muscles and skin.

If she would be allowed her taste one last time. Just one last time before it was all over she would take it. Kissing her as vigorously as she could, she came down Emma's waistband and roughly pulled off her undies and pants. Once the garments were tossed aside, she dove her head between Emma's legs.

But the second her mouth fell on Emma's clit and her tongue pushed between folds with to absorb a taste long forgotten, Regina immediately wanted to stop. But Emma's insistencies kept her going.

"God… don't stop… keep licking…."

So Regina licked.

_I'm going to throw up…_

"Keep… licking…."

Her speed increased.

_Make it stop… please make it stop…_

"Please… don't stop…"

Regina sucked harder, her fingers entering Emma once more, and thrusted with force. She wanted her to come quickly. She wanted this to be over with. Her body fulfilled and obeyed the needs of her insistent lover but her everything else hid away in the depths of her conscious.

_Not like this… never like this…_

Was her last thought before Emma gripped at her head and forced her down further.

_No..._

When Emma came into her mouth, filling her tongue with a flavour she refused her senses to comprehend, she crept up the bed, ignoring Emma's satisfied look as she crawled into a fetal position, facing away from Emma.

"What's wrong?" Emma asked. Again the voice of a stranger. No love, no concern. Just… nothing…

"Nothing…" Regina whispered, forcing her heart to shut away from the truth of what she felt. Something so intimate, so pure, so beautiful… it shouldn't have been like this. This wasn't how their last moments of intimacy were supposed to be. Not where she felt like a Persian harlot used and tossed aside once her body served its purpose.

"You just performed oral sex me and then you moved away. I think I know when something's wrong Regina."

Regina felt the slash of those words cut into her spine and then her chest. Her voice. Her voice was so foreign, so unfamiliar that Regina didn't want to listen. She'd just fucked her the way a whore would and now she was being yelled at with nothing but annoyance.

She swallowed.

"No really, I'm alright. I'm just… tired…"

She heard Emma huff. "Fine."

They both went to sleep. With a numb ache and a frozen heart, Regina soon lost conscious to the only escape she had.

The next morning, Regina and Emma went about their routine. The mayor helped Emma pack away her things, sort out her belongings and brought them down to the car.

She saw Henry standing at the doorway staring expectantly at Emma, as if he was seeing a stranger too.

"Don't worry kid, I'll be back to visit often," she said as she ruffled his hair. But his face only contorted with hurt and confusion. She's talking like she's just going for a short trip. Like he didn't see what was really going on.

His parents… his moms… they were splitting up…

Angry, he slapped her hand away and ran up the stairs to his bedroom.

"Henry…" Regina spoke softly but the child wasn't listening. She couldn't say she blamed him. She was feeling exactly what he felt after all.

Abandoned. Tossed aside.

Not worth staying for.

She walked up to Emma and stared at her without really seeing her. "Your things are all sorted out, I assume?"

_Stay_.

Her voice was so small, so meek.

When did she become this pathetic, slobbering mess?

Emma nodded. "Yeah, I got everything I need I think. If you find anything that's of mine just send it up. You have my address right?"

Regina nodded. "Yes… I do…"

_Please don't go..._

"Good," Emma turned and got into her car. "Tell Henry I am sorry…" for the first time in months, a little bit of Emma's emotions finally seeped through. And Regina didn't know if she hated herself and Emma for not being the source of that guilt or happy that her ex-wife did at least still care about their son.

"I will…" Regina whispered.

_I'm sorry, I'll do better. Please do-_

Emma started her car, a truck she was borrowing from David and drove off.

Regina stared behind the disappearing vehicle. Once out of sight, she pushed her hands into her the pockets of her yoga pants and returned into the house. As she passed by Henry's room, she could hear his heavy crying. She wanted to go in and take care of her son but not yet. Not when she was about to break too.

So she went into her room and closed the door lightly behind her.

Her eyes fell on the bed, gleaming with evidence of the sins from last night. The stains seemed to mock her under the glimmering rays of sunlight that penetrated the room. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she pulled off the sheets of the bed, the pillows, the blankets, and went down the stairs. In a dazed state, she forced everything into the laundry machine.

It was only when she pressed start, and the machine began to twirl in its cleansing process, that she fell to the floor and finally broke.

* * *

"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds."

- Laurell K. Hamilton, _Mistral's Kiss_


	2. I Need Help

_**I bought new sheets today**_

_**Sheets you have never touched**_

_**Will never touch**_

_**I stripped my bed of the ones that smelled like you**_

_**I removed my pillowcase**_

_**With your make up stains**_

_**The fitted sheet that spent so much time under your naked body**_

_**As I did**_

_**Will no longer hold your shape**_

_**I put my new sheets on my bed and sat down**_

_**They are cold**_

_**But even if my bed doesn't remember you**_

_**I do**_

_**And I realize that I will never not breathe you air**_

_**And it will suffocate me**_

**(From tumblr)**

* * *

It had been two months since Emma left.

Two months since Regina felt the world being ripped apart from under her feet.

It had taken the summoning all of her old natural defenses and the revival of her retired, emotional armor just to be able to move on with her life.

Something between hate and anger boiled beneath her skin as she rose out of bed each day. Her movements were always slow yet carefully manipulated, as if straining to use any more effort than required would trigger another breakdown. And she'd had quite enough of those.

Through her doorway, she caught a glimpse of Henry moving down the stairs, his tiny feet scuffling on the sleek, polished staircase that curled through the side of the house. Like a quiet serpent, invading her home.

She sighed, and attempted to swallow the discomfort in her throat. The dark woman checked her make up one last time, happy that her appearance at least still held the air of arrogance and pride of her authorial role. Even if everything inside of her felt like the mangled chew toy of a rabid dog.

Putting on her coat, she silently made her way out of the house and stepped down her stairs to face her son.

Henry sensed his mother approaching him. Immediately, he looked up at her with small searching eyes, like he has every day since Emma left. Regina doesn't need to look too hard to know the question that was forming in the back of his mind.

_When is Ma coming back?_

When Regina doesn't answer, he scowls and runs off into the car without waiting for her.

Another deep exhale escapes her throat as Regina locks the door behind her with a soft click, and drags her stiletto covered feet to the driver's seat.

The ride to school is always silent. The low whistle of the world passing by them fills Regina with the need to reach over to her son and hold his hand but she remembers what happened the last time. When her olive skin touched his, the boy jerked his hand away, refusing to look at her as she turned towards him, with yet another rejection filling her heart. She'd just pretended it didn't happen and kept driving.

The car finally pulls up next to the school and Henry doesn't waste any time running from her. In a split second, he's out of the vehicle and shooting past Mary Margaret, who, like every other morning attempts to engage in a short conversation with him. Once he's out of sight, Regina drives off immediately, ignoring the pity soaked in the schoolteacher's gaze as she did.

She was well aware of the town's knowledge of the breakup between their mayor and the stranger who came into their world five years ago. But none would have more intimate knowledge than Mary Margaret. Especially when Emma deemed that pathetic excuse of a woman worthy of being her best friend. Keeping her eyes trained on the road ahead of her, Regina turned into the corner away from the school, almost speeding past the limit in her desire to escape.

The evenings were no better. When she's done with organizing her paperwork, she fearfully leaves to go pick up her son. Again, neither of them talks. The closest they came to a conversation was a week ago during dinner when Regina's cell proudly announced the arrival of a message.

She placed her knife and fork gently at the sides of her plate, careful not to make a sound because the manners of a lady are pounded into every fiber of her being even when she felt like hell was washing over her.

When the screen lights up, she sees two words that makes her chest concave into itself, threatening to force back up the meal she'd just consumed.

**EMMA**

How's everything?

Regina takes a minute to collect all the emotions running amuck, and forcefully tucked them away into the base of her mind as she stared at the phone. She knew what her ex-wife was enquiring into.

The blonde wanted to know how her son was doing.

Dark eyes reach over to the small boy who was struggling to eat just as she had. Consumption had become a necessary act of survival for them now, not something to be enjoyed despite Regina's best efforts to create a delicious meal.

"Henry?" she calls, her voice both stern and meek.

The sound of something other than utensils scrapping against plates stuns Henry enough not to look at her disdainfully when his tiny head snaps towards her. Regina couldn't even allow herself time to enjoy it.

"Emma, your ma," she clarifies, "is wondering how you are. Would you like to call her in a few minutes?"

Henry's face bursts into excitement for a few seconds but then immediately contorts to one of rage and revulsion. He plunges his fork into the roaming pea on his plate a little harder than necessary when he bites out, "if she wanted to talk to me, she could've stayed."

Regina stares hard at him, remorse filling her up from the core to see how hurt her son was. Swallowing the guilt, she nimbly types back;

_We're dealing_

She received another text from Emma the next day. The blonde had attempted to explain that she was still in between jobs at the moment and that she'd probably go back to being a bounty hunter. But until everything was settled, she wasn't sure when Henry could come up for a visit, and she'll text when she can.

Regina glared at her phone, angry at all the ways in which the message was presented to her when the meaning essentially was;

_Here're the facts. Send me my son. I'll text on my time. To hell with you._

Perhaps the last part was untrue but Regina still sensed the blonde's utter disregard for the mayor herself.

A low, primal growl escaped her throat. The brunette carried the anger towards that message for the rest of the day, taking it out on anyone who was unfortunately enough to be in the line of fire.

The tension in her muscles didn't ease until the day came to an end and she finally managed to escape into her kitchen; the only area in the house that didn't have every surface soaked with Emma's lingering presence. She went into the liquor cabinet, pulled open a bottle of red wine and hurriedly swallowed straight from the container. She hadn't even bothered to use a glass like she'd had for the past few weeks.

Yes, Regina Mills had turned to alcohol for strength.

How much lower could she go?

When the sweet yet sour liquid fills her tongue, travels down her esophagus and spreads its warmth through her stomach and into her blood stream, she feels slightly better. Enough to not want to throw the bottle across the room as she takes another gulp.

She cries again that night, curling into a fetal position as her own heart and mind waged war against her, the dismissiveness in the text attacking her far more deeply than she'd realized. She hated Emma. She hated herself. This was all Emma's fault. But maybe she's at fault too and that's why Emma left. She wanted to kill Emma. She wanted Emma's arms around her. She wanted to violate Emma like the blonde had violated her trust. She wanted to push herself into Emma until there was nothing of her left and just the wife she loved.

Finally, her weary mind gave out and she drifted into a comfortless sleep.

The next morning, she'd recovered enough semblance of dignity to reply.

_Text us when you can then_.

* * *

Another day, and another completion of her routine.

After a long, weary day at work, Regina half looked forward to seeing Henry's face again even if her son couldn't say the same. When she pulls her car into a parking space in front of the school, she is mildly surprised to see him talking to Mary Margaret.

Even from a distance, Regina could see that the two were speaking in hushed tones. With his eyes cast downwards, his hands roughly pushed into the pockets of his navy coat, and his feet shifting uncomfortably on the concrete steps, his defensive posture still held true with Mary Margaret as it did with Regina. Pulling her keys out of the ignition, Regina quickly fixes her short hair that clung to the base of her hairline along her neck before she slowly made her way towards the school entrance.

"Hello, Henry," Regina greets when she's close enough, "how was your day?"

Henry looks up at her and frowns deeply before turning away. His behaviour, while expected, still made Regina recoil a little into herself. She manages a weak smile towards him nonetheless when the schoolteacher began to speak, reminding the mayor of her presence.

"Henry did very well in class today," she spoke cheerfully albeit false, "we did some poetry writing exercises and Henry's was very good."

Even with his face staring hard at the ground, both women could see the light blush forming in his cheeks. It warmed Regina a little to know that her son could still feel something other than anger.

"Of course he did, he's my son after all," Regina says with pride but from the corner of her eyes, she saw Henry bristle at the comment and she wonders what she had said wrong.

The smile on Mary Margaret's face changes as her lips press into each other, her expression turning serious. "Actually," she begins, "I was hoping to talk to you in private if I might Madam Mayor."

Regina's gaze narrows significantly, making the smaller woman attempt to drop her shoulders and lengthen her neck in quiet defiance of her own fear for the Mayor.

"Of course, Miss Blanchard. Henry, would you mind waiting in the car for me please? I'll be just a moment."

Henry looked between the two of them suspiciously but seemingly shrugs it off. If they were plotting anything, the new reinstated Sheriff Graham would settle it. Picking up his bag, he slings it over his shoulder and headed for the familiar sleek, black SUV.

Once he was out of earshot, Regina turned to his teacher. "Well?" she states evenly, "what's this then Miss Blanchard?"

Mary Margaret struggled with her words, her eyes flickering nervously until she began to search through her bag, her gaze still locked on Regina. "As I said, we asked the children to write some poetry today and when I'd read Henry's… well, I thought you may want to read it for yourself."

She finally finds what she's looking for and tentatively held out the piece of paper towards the darker woman.

Regina takes the crumpled page, matching Mary Margaret's meek regard with her own stern scrutiny as she unfolds it with her gloved hands. She doesn't say another word as she began reading;

_Weeks on end I suffered with the pain._

_This was only the beginning._

_The screaming inside, I wanted the hurt to go._

_Inside me a little boy wanting to get out._

_I attended school, still hurting, nothing was getting easier._

_My arms hurt and my stomach too._

_Why can't I just be okay?_

_Why won't she come back?_

_Did I do something wrong?_

_Mom won't talk to me because mommy didn't stay._

_I can't tell her I hurt._

_I'd her hurt if I did._

_So I sit quietly. Pretending it doesn't hurt as much as it does._

A good eight minutes pass as Regina read the passage over and over. Each time she reached the last sentence, her heart clenches further in her chest. She didn't even realize that her arms were trembling.

"As you can see," Mary Margaret starts slowly, "Henry is really hurting… and I know you are too Madam Mayor… but he needs you… he needs his mom…"

Something inside snaps at Mary Margaret's words.

"Yes well," she says scathingly as she folds up the page between her thumb and index finger and pushes it into her coat pocket, "when you see our dear Emma, perhaps _you _can tell her that. You are after all, her _best friend_, are you not?"

Regina said the title so distastefully that Mary Margaret flinched at her tone. "Regina…" she tries again, ignoring the fact that she's now moved to an unwelcome first-name basis, "I never knew that Emma wanted to leave… yes I knew she wasn't quite happy but she's never mentioned any hint of wanting to…." The words die in her throat.

Regina's head snaps up to the woman and she half consider letting her have it. Was she not the _best friend_? The close confidant of her ex-wife? Surely she should've had some inclination that Emma wanted to end the marriage.

She sighed to herself as the thoughts came and went, _then again_, Regina realized, _neither did I…_

"It doesn't matter," Regina speaks dully, her defenses falling away for the first time in months, "we both know how stubborn she was. If she wanted to leave, she would've done it regardless of what we said. Whether we knew about it or not would've made no difference."

It was the first semblance of leniency she'd ever given the smaller woman and Mary Margaret had to contain the relief she felt. She'd seen the sorrow and depression hovering over Regina and Henry like a dark cloud ever since Emma left. The sight of them wallowed in such defeat intensified her own guilt with each day. Even if she felt Emma had the right reasons to leave, she didn't exactly rejoice at seeing the aftermaths of one woman's _right_ decision.

Regina snapped out of her gaze and straightened her back, "thank you Miss Blanchard, I will be sure to talk to my son."

Leaving no opportunity for input, Regina quickly turned and left the schoolteacher on her own.

* * *

The air was heavy during dinner, much like how the particles in the atmosphere hung with a quiet threat before the onslaught of a vicious storm. Henry remained ignorant of his mother's trepidation as he took another bite of the raw beef on his plate.

Finally, Regina managed to summon the courage she needed. Henry needed a mother. And while his other parent was absent, she would need to be strong on her own.

"Henry," she says harder than she intended.

Henry gazes at her from his plate, almost looking bored as he did.

Regina leans over and pulled out the poem she'd hidden in her briefcase. "Miss Blanchard gave this to me earlier today…" she says as she puts it gently on the table. Despite her best intentions, the action only comes off accusatory rather than encouraging and she sees her mistake at the way Henry's face pales when his deepest thoughts were pulled out of their hiding place without his consent. She sees his tiny muscles twitch in his hands that held the fork and knife. Regina realized maybe she should have done this _after_ they'd eaten.

"Henry," she tried again, her voice much softer this time, "Henry, we need to talk about this."

Henry's head snapped at her, his eyes suddenly blazing with such hate and anger.

"Why? What good will that do? Will it bring her back?"

There was no answer.

"Didn't think so," Henry growled, stabbing at his plate.

Regina stood up from her seat and walked around the table until she was finally next to her son. Carefully, she knelt down so that she could look evenly at him before she continued.

"Henry… Emma… she left me not you…" Regina choked on the words, but she forced them out for the sake of her son.

"No she didn't, if she did she'd have stayed. She gave me up. AGAIN."

"… Your mom's going through a lot right now, that's all… she loves you with all her heart, she really does. She'll come back for you."

"Bullshit."

Regina blinked several times before the word sank in.

"Excuse me?" All good sense washed out as she stared hard at her son.

Henry stared at her, "you heard me."

"Now listen to me, young man. You will not talk to me that way. I understand that you're hurt right now and you don't understand what's going on but I will not be spo-"

Henry pushed his chair back violently, almost making Regina fall back on her behind.

"BULLSHIT!" Henry screamed, taunting her. "BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!"

Regina rose off the floor, towering over him like a menacing Minotaur. Henry felt fear immediately crawl up his spine but he was just angry. So angry, that he didn't care.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU MADE HER LEAVE! YOU MADE MY MOM, MY REAL MOM GO AWAY! YOU NEVER LOVED HER! YOU WANTED HER GONE SINCE SHE FIRST CAME HERE! YOU HATED HER! YOU HATE HER AND I HATE YOU!"

"ENOUGH!"

Both frozen in that instant. Regina had her palm raised at him, her entire body shaking as she stared down at her son. The haze of anger seemed to finally fade from her senses, enough to see the absolute terror in familiar honey brown eyes that used to look at her with such love and devotion. Now he looked at her like she was some sort of monster.

Henry took the opportunity to push against his adopted mother and ran up the stairs, slamming his bedroom door shut behind him. The echo left an ugly shudder throughout the house, shooting straight into Regina's core.

Regina stood stone cold. She looked at her hand. The hand that very nearly hit –

_Oh god_.

Regina ran to the nearest bathroom and immediately heaved, the disgust she felt for herself forced everything out of her system.

She stayed crouched against the toilet bowl for at least half an hour before her body finally exhausted itself. She clutched at her forehead, feeling the perspiration along the skin, terrified to the core of what almost happened.

_I almost… I nearly almost… how could I…_

Finally, she managed to pull herself off the floor, flushing the toilet as she went. Dragging her limp, weak body out of the restroom, she numbly went into the dining hall.

_Clean_, she thought numbly, _I should clean_.

She moved like a mindless robot, her hands reaching out and picking up the dirty dishes and walked into the kitchen. Her breaths were low and thick, as if breathing in shards of glass. She held the plates over the sink as a million thoughts hit her at once.

_I nearly hit my son. I hate Emma. She left us. She hurt him. She hurt me. This is her fault. This is all her fault. Why did she do this to me? Forever. Always. Never. She said she'd never leave. She promised she's always be there. Why… WHY?!_

The sounds of China breaking brought her back to reality. Her tired eyes fell into the sink, seeing the pieces of ceramic scattered everywhere.

_ Oh_, she thought wearily, _I broke it_.

She barely even noticed the bleeding cut in her palm.

Blood trickled down from her hand and left a menacing trail of deep red into the drain. Regina laughed at herself.

She thought she couldn't fall any lower than wine. _No_, she decided, _no, THIS was much worse…_

Her brain finally managed to decode the pain that was now burning through her arm, allowing her to move with purpose as she attempted to clean up after herself. As she bandaged the wound, she wondered if she should go to the hospital but some twisted part of her reveled in the sensation of the psychical agony. It was a welcome difference.

The thought scared her almost immediately. Was she that far gone that she needed pain from another source to feel better? Was she so damaged inside that she was willing to hit her son just to silence him? Is this who she's become?

Her mother?

She looked at the time and saw that it was well into the night. Still, she made an immediate decision.

Dragging herself into her study room, she began flipping through the phonebook as despair guided her actions.

Finally she found the number she was looking for.

She pulled the phone to her phone, and dialed impassively as she breathed heavily through the mix of emotions tearing at her under her skin.

At last, the damn phone went through.

"Hello? Doctor Hopper? I do realize that it's late but please listen," the 'please' must have stunned the doctor into silence because she was able to continue without being interrupted.

"Doctor Hopper … I need help…"


	3. Gina

Regina was not a woman of subtlety, not when it came to what she wanted.

After dropping the thinly veiled threat having the building where Doctor Hopper conducted his sessions possibly, indefinitely closed off for renovation purposes, it wasn't long before he confirmed a time for her the following day.

Now that she was here though, she wanted nothing more than to bolt out the door.

The thinning redhead had spent a good six minutes staring at her with a mix of awe and fear, simply because the actual Mayor Mills was on his couch.

Regina scowled. She didn't have time for this.

"Well, Doctor Hopper, are you actually going to do your job or will you spend the next fifty four minutes wasting my time and my money."

He snapped out of his daze. "Of course, my apologies," the straightened his shoulders, collecting himself in an attempt to recover some shred of professionalism, "so Regina, let's start with, why are you here today?"

"Madam Mayor," Regina corrected, "and I'm here because I need you to fix a problem."

Archie stared at her through his red brimmed spectacles, "fix a problem?"

"Yes," Regina clarified, "I nearly hit my son last night in a state of anger and I need _you_ to make sure that never happens again."

Archie's face relaxed somewhat, feeling like he had some grip on the situation now. It wasn't as if he didn't know about her recent separation from her parter. It was too small a town afterall all. His eyes showed a mixture of sympathy and pity, fuelling Regina's desire to leave.

"That must have been hard for you," he spoke softly, "to know you were capable of that much anger towards your own child."

Regina's features faltered despite herself, her mind playing details she didn't want to remember. She recalled the horror in Henry's eyes. The fear that spread through her core when she realized what she was about to do. The disgust she felt for herself when she realized she very nearly became like –

_No_, she thought resolutely. She would never let that happen.

"It doesn't matter how hard it was for me. I scared my son. That is unacceptable and I need _you_ to make sure I never do that again."

"Reg-", he saw the glare, "Madam Mayor," he quickly reformed, "I understand that a quick solution is desired but emotions… it's a messy complicated part of human nature… it can't just be picked out and organised until you get an arrangement you like."

Regina's dark lips tightened. "Well then I guess there's nothing you can do for me. Thank you for your time Dr Hopper," Regina greeted quickly and stood up.

Archie gawked at her in a panic, watching her head for the door, "wait no, Madam Mayor," he followed after her, "I can help."

Regina turned to him, daring him to impress her. "And how _exactly_ will you do that?"

Archie gulped as he considered all his options. A dozen thoughts darted through his head when he finally came to a realization.

Regina watched his face went from fearful and rattled to pride.

Before she could ask, he had gone back to his desk and started rummaging through his drawers.

He returned to Regina, and handed her a crumpled card with a smile equivalent to a child who'd just finished his first paper mache craft.

She studied the card and saw bolded letters of KW in classic font, placed carefully in the centre.

Her gaze towards Archie grew cynical as her thumb brushed over the stamped letters.

"KW? What is that, Kiwi?"

Archie resisted the urge to laugh. _  
_

Archie shook his head. "Katia Winters," he corrected gently, "she's an old acquaintance of mine, studied at college with me and very good at what she does."

"And why are you referring me to this person? Do you not think you're competent enough?"

Archie fidgeted uncomfortably under her gaze. To some extent, it was true. Finding a shrink was a lot like finding the right couch. You needed to feel out the other person before you build the connection and rapport. It didn't take much deduction to realise that Archie's calm and gentle approach would only be viewed by the Mayor as condescending. So no, he wasn't the right fit for her. Hence, why he suggested someone else. His confidence grew at the sensibility of his decision.

"No, I just think she'd work better with you. That's all, Madam Mayor."

Regina stared at the obvious twinkle in his beady little eyes. Her eyes glanced down at the card and without another word, she pushed it into her pocket and left.

* * *

It'd been a week since her visit to Dr Hopper's office and things had remained stable to some extent. Henry had apparently taken an oath of silence and refused to talk to her, even after she tried to apologize.

For the fifth time in a row, she watched him dash towards school without ever acknowledging her existence. Once he was inside, she exhaled a long, deep breath and quietly made her way to the office.

Regina had taken to drowning herself in her work for the few hours she had there. Perhaps she was pushing herself too hard but it was the only time she managed to keep her ex-wife out of her thoughts. And to not feel. She was glad for it really. The distraction was sorely needed. With the constant tension at home, she needed at least one place of escape where she didn't feel so much like an epic failure.

Essentially alone, Regina had next to no one outside of her family. Her status as Mayor and less than friendly demeanour made everyone recoil at the sight of her much less befriend her. She swallowed at the realisation that there really was no one left in her corner.

Self-loathing filled her as Regina felt the familiar ache in her head throb underneath her skull. She glowered at the pain and pinched the bridge of her nose. She hadn't slept well last night, if at all. At 3.05 AM, her clock declared, she had woken in a sweat, her heart hammering against her chest and shaking from the recurring nightmare.

Emma (of course) was in a bar she didn't recognise. The familiar golden curls fell gracefully around her bright, happy face as she conversed with a crowd of new people. Regina wanted to go up to her, to talk to her but she was cemented to her spot. As if the Devil was making her witness the one thing she'd never want to see. Emma being absolutely fine while she was falling apart. She tried to turn away but when she saw a man approach Emma, her eyes refused to tear away from the pair.

Suddenly the scene shifted to a dark bedroom with green sheets and pillows. And Emma. Being pounded against the mattress by the stranger.

Regina choked on the image and felt the bile crawl up her throat. Her mind once again, provided her with another memory of Emma during their last months together.

_"I'm not happy anymore Regina," Emma whispered, all life leaving the brunett'es body as the words made way into the conversation._

_Regina stared at her confused._

_"I can make you happy Emma, if you just… let me try," she was begging, she knew she was. But she didn't care._

_"There is nothing you can do," Emma's voice was stern. Hard. "This is something I need to do. I need to go find who I am and I can't do it with you."_

_Regina stared at the floor, wondering what on earth she'd done wrong to make Emma go away. Her knees shook, her whole body trembled and she felt her heart trying to jump out of her chest as if trying to escape the pain it was overloaded with in her body._

_Emma sat up from the couch she was sitting on and, with one last determined look at Regina, turned and left._

Regina tried to breathe slowly, hoping to attain some sort of calamity. Since the moment her marriage had ended, Regina had been subconsciously holding on to the hope that maybe if Emma had the time she needed, her wife would come back. And they'd make a better effort this time. This time it wouldn't fail.

Yet the fear from the dream crept up her spine. Her neck twisted, desperate fingers reached over to her phone and quickly searched for Emma's number, ready to call and demand answers. But then she stopped. She remembered herself. Remembered that the pain of having Emma be with someone else came from the dream. That it wasn't real.

_It was a dream… just a dream_, she thought to herself and slowly put the phone back on the sidetable.

Swallowing, she tried her best to sleep. In the same bed that she shared with Emma. The bed in which her sheriff should be sleeping on the other side. The bed that should have held two sleeping figures with Regina on her side and Emma gently cuddling her from behind while her breaths lulled her to sleep.

But of course. That part of her life was over, wasn't it?

Regina pulled out of her daze, her sudden movement making the headache worse. She hadn't realised that she'd paused halfway through her progress report.

Functioning on four hours of sleep was never a good idea.

Regina turned her chair and pressed the intercom. Remy her new secretary, the one meant to go work in the Sheriff's office was surprisingly adept at her job, knowing exactly what Regina needed before she even asked. When she buzzed, the immediate response was, "need coffee, Ma'am?"

Regina said 'yes' and was glad for her. Remy made her life just a shred easier.

Then her phone started ringing.

It was that god-awful ringtone Emma had fixed into her system and being useless with technology, Regina had no idea how to change it. Still, she refused to ask anyone for help, lest the public jest at the knowledge that their frightful mayor has been bested by a cellphone.

_Send me on my way,_

_Send me on myyy way,_

_I would like to hold my-_

"Hello?" Regina quickly picked up, unable to take another second of that ridiculously optimistic music.

"Regina? It's me."

If there's ever a sensation where one feels like they've been immediately turned to stone, Regina's felt it now.

"Emma," she greeted curtly, her fingers fisting around a pen.

"How's it going?"

Regina heard the sound of cars and people from Emma's side and wondered where she was.

"Everything is going well thank you, and yourself?"

_Are you coming home?_

"Can't complain," Emma spoke casually as if they were old friends. Regina felt her lungs sinking deeper into her stomach. "Listen, I was just wondering-"

"Yes?" Regina's voice perked up despite herself, unable to ward off the sudden onslaught of the most horrible feeling she'd yet to experience.

Hope.

"Have you seen that blue top of mine anywhere?" Emma asked.

…_. What?_

Regina fell back into her seat, not realizing that she'd been sitting on the edge. "Excuse me?"

"You know, that blue top that you always said looked ugly on me? The one that had that mild ketchup stain at the back that looked like Texas?"

Regina's jaw tensed.

"No…" she spoke slowly, "I haven't seen it…"

_Why. Tell me why in God's name would I purposely go looking for your things__ when something as simple as your toothbrush makes me break down every time I come across it?! You selfish, self-centered, cruel, vindictive-_

"Ah, okay, well if you see it, mind sending it up to me? It's my favourite top."

Regina grimaced underneath the lights of her office.

"If I find it, sure."

"Thanks 'Gina," Regina's chest constricted at the use of her nickname. She pulled her eyes shut as she silently rode out the waves of memories assaulted her senses, sending her brain and heart into overload while she sat numbly in her chair.

"Say hi to Henry for me yeah? Bye."

She didn't even wait for Regina to finish.

The Mayor just sat there with the empty dial sound in her ear. It was ten minutes before she finally put the device down.

Gritting her teeth, she suddenly lurched out of her chair and swung her phone at the wall. The loud noise echoed throughout the office. She knew her phone was broken well beyond repair but what did that matter?

She was breathing heavily, anger overriding her senses until the intercom buzzed.

"Madam Mayor?" her secretary's voice echoed the room. "Madam Mayor is everything alright?"

Seething, Regina finally allowed herself to notice the tears cascading down her cheeks and how her throat seemed to choke when she tried to speak. She cleared herself cautiously before she pressed the on button.

"I'm fine Remy, cancel the rest of my appointments today. I have too much paperwork to cover."

Remy was silent for a while until she finally buzzed back. "Of course Madam Mayor, I'll get on that right away."

Once certain she would be allowed to quietly cry in solitude, Regina fell back into her seat and tried to settle the little monsters running amuck in her head.

_She called_, Regina thought, _after A MONTH OF SILENCE she called… and it's to ask me about a bloody shirt? Really Emma...? Is that all I get now…?_

Regina broke down. Again. This time though, she didn't even bother to keep quiet.

When she finally managed to calm down a bit, she opened a drawer and reached for the card that'd been sitting there patiently.

Hesitantly, she turned it over and began dialing the numbers.


	4. In or Out?

Regina had no idea what to expect from this Katia woman but she knew that hiking for an hour off the main road was not exactly intensifying her desire to meet with her.

_Stop the car when you come across a massive rock that's sort of shaped like a potato_, _she said_, Regina thought gruffly. Yes like _that's_ easy to find.

She was warned of the hour hike to get to her cabin and with that in mind, had dressed appropriately. She went to the nearest camping store and bought her desired boots. So now, in her brand new long sleeved, thermal black shirt with a white top underneath, her denim jeans clinging to her jeans while her feet adjusted to not being in heels for once, Regina marched through the woods like a woman with vengeance.

It was two steps down a small hill when her brain went, _if only Emma could see me now_.

She nearly tripped.

Regaining her balance, Regina like every other time when memories of Emma came in, felt her throat concave and a familiar numb humming underneath her skin. She kept walking but the memory still flooded into her mind.

"_REGINA!" Emma came bouncing into her office, completely disregarding the fact that her wife, the Mayor was actually working._

"_Mrs Swan," Regina spoke calmly but both women could sense the slight warning in her tone, "why are you here in my office when you should be at the Sheriff's station?"_

"_Har de har har," Emma mocked as she shifted on the spot. It was only then that Regina noticed the large bags swung behind the blonde's shoulder. "Look at these!" She said excitedly as she dropped the bags in front of her. "It's David's old camping gear! He was selling them cheap and I thought it'd be great for us to all go camping together. Me, you and Henry." Emma's face beamed with pride at having come up with such an idea. You'd think she just found the mystery of life._

_Regina just watched at her quietly. She twirled her seat slightly and began stacking the paperwork in front of her. "I appreciate the idea dear but you know how busy my schedule is. We'll never find the time to make a weekend trip."_

_Emma's face immediately dropped. "You can't take yourself away from work for one weekend just to spend time with your family?"_

_Regina turned harshly towards her. "I am a mayor Emma. I don't have the luxury to just pack up and go wherever I want. Schedules need to be changed. Appoints need to be deferred. I need to be here."_

_Emma's gaze quickly hardened. As if she was disappointed and angry all at once. _

"_Fine, if that's what _you_ want," Emma's voice was as hard as the blade of a shovel but Regina ignored it. It wasn't uncommon for Emma to turn into this when she didn't get her way. Regina simply dismissed it._

"_Next year maybe," she said quickly in a half-hearted attempt to appease her wife._

_Emma turned towards the door before lingering at the entrance. She turned to look at her wife and saw her deeply engrossed in her work once more. _

"_Yeah… next year…" she whispered before she walked out._

That was a few months before she let, Regina recalled. She felt a chill seep through her behind and hadn't realized that she'd been sitting damp, moss ground.

And then there was that phone call. She'd wanted desperately to talk to Emma, to see how she was, to see what her plans were, to see how her new life without her family was and maybe the absence would kick start her brain into thinking "you know what? I actually miss them. I'm going home."

That didn't pan out obviously.

Regina balled her hands into tight fists, ignoring the pain from the cut in her hand that still stung a little. She was just utterly confused.

Did she want Emma back? Absolutely. But she also still so, so hurt and angry and she had no idea how to control those emotions. She'd spent too many nights waking up in tears from nightmares of Emma leaving her, Emma tossing her aside, Emma staring at her with those cold, dead eyes as if she was nothing more than disdainful mark on the face of this planet.

And she was sick of it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden whacking sound from down the path. Following the noise, Regina shook her head and began walking towards it.

When she finally came onto the source, well, Regina wasn't quite sure what to think.

The cabin was grand, she'd give her that. But it was overrun with Mother Nature. There were moss growing in patches on the roof, plants growing as long as two feet at some parts, and leaves sticking out of the gabs between the wood.

Her inner neat freak screamed at the negligence before she could stop herself.

Then she saw a woman, dressed in dark, worn out jeans, a green and red plaid shirt, a red, patterned bandana on her head, hiking boots similar to Regina's and large brown suede gloves covering her hands as she was held the axe used to split wood.

It wasn't until Regina was a good eight feet away that she actually noticed her.

The woman looked up at her and Regina was half impressed by her features. There was a gentle charm to the way she smiled at her and how her cheeks gleamed with a light flush from the work she was doing. She looked like she was in her early forties but there was a playful gleam in her eyes made her seem ten years younger. She even gave off the impression that she could have been doing the most demeaning chores and still be a lady.

"You must be Regina," she said, taking off her right glove, "I'm Katia, it's nice to meet you."

Regina came closer and took her hand. "Likewise."

It was only from up-close that Regina noticed her light brown eyes and her brunette hair that was tied up in a bun underneath that bandana.

"Now, before we get started, can you get the logs please?"

Regina stared after her dumbfounded but the woman already picked up her own pieces of logs and went off. Scowling, Regina picked up two (she was lucky she carrying _any_) and followed suit.

Regina was pleasantly surprised the see the size of the cabin and its interior decoration in contrast to how swamped it looked on its exterior. There was a kitchen to the right, with blue painted over the cabinets and a separate counter placed a few feet away from the wall. There was a healthy fire already crackling away in the hearth with several couches of different colours and textures (leather, green, cotton, black) placed around it. The cabin had large windows everywhere, making sure there was enough natural light as possible.

_Quaint_, Regina thought even if it wasn't her first choice of furniture.

"I see you didn't overexert yourself," Katia's teasing voice came from the fireplace, putting the logs at the side on a low, long metal stool.

Regina went over and gave her the two she held.

"I'm a Mayor," she stated as if that should explain everything. "I don't do manual labour."

Katia's laughter rang in the air and placed Regina's own timber on top, "no I suppose not."

She sat up and took her seat on a single seat couch as she took off her bandana. "Please, take a seat."

Regina did as she was asked.

"Now, why don't we start with why you're here," Katia spoke calmly, it was only then did Regina sensed the light command in her, voice hidden underneath her friendly demeanour.

She sat up straighter in her seat and responded, "I… recently got out of a serious relationship."

Katia slightly turned her head, "that must have been hard for you."

"It's harder for my son," Regina lied. "It hasn't been easy for the both of us. When his mom left, neither of us knew what to do. We were both so angry that… he started yelling at me and I nearly hit him."

Silence filled the room with only the fire gently filling up the air with its light popping noise.

"I scared him," Regina admitted, no longer having the energy to be defensive on every aspect of her life. Instead, she just dropped her shoulders and made her confession, "he hasn't talked to me since and… yesterday Emma, his other mom called me and… sigh… I just need to be okay again… for myself and for my son… can you help me with that?"

As Katia's soft coffee brown eyes took her in, Regina felt as if a wave of calm was washing over her. It was a strange sensation but not an unwelcome one.

Finally, Katia spoke. "I can try to help Regina," she said slowly, "I will do whatever I can to make sure you get yourself back from all this pain in the end and I will offer my help unconditionally. But ultimately, it's you who have to help yourself."

Regina's calm immediately faded. "Well, what good are you then? Obviously I _can't_ help myself or else I wouldn't be here!"

Katia sat in her seat, her legs crossed and her arms relaxed as they her hands intertwined on her lap. The same sternness she sensed before magnified just a little.

"I'm not saying I won't help," she said, her voice shifting back to its delicate tone, "what I mean is… you know those fairy tales? With knights, and evil witches and princes and all that?"

Regina stared at her, wondering where she was going with this. She nodded none the less.

"The knight, before he's ready to go face off battles against dragons or whatnot, he would need to be trained, wouldn't he? No one just handed him a sword and said 'off you go, now go bring us a gorgon's head'."

Katia leaned closer to her, "he needed to be trained. Needed to be taught how to use the sword, how to fight before he actually knew _what_ to do should he meet his adversaries. It's the same technique I use with my patients."

Regina's face strained with confusion.

"So, what, you're the tutor and I'm the knight in training?"

Katia's laugh filled her with ease. It was a strange response. This woman made her feel so comfortable so easily. Not that she'd ever let her know that of course.

"Something like that," Katia stated, not going further into it.

"I'm not sure I understand," Regina admitted.

Katia stayed still for a while, carefully choosing her words that would best describe what she was offering without making the mayor want to run back to her car.

"What I mean is, life is hard," she laughed a little again, "it is bloody hard and most of us have absolutely no idea how to live it. Really live it. Where do you do the right thing? _When_ do you do the right thing? When do you _say_ the right thing? Even if it is the right thing to say, it is _the right person_ to say it to?"

Regina contemplated over her words. Yes, she'd always struggled into having an open, heartfelt communication with Emma and her son. It had been even harder for her to form bonds with people ever since –, in any case, she just, never knew how to approach her family or people that made them warm to her.

"I'm not like most therapists," Katia announced, earning Regina's attention immediately. "I don't sit back and ask them what they're feeling or what happened without making them take _their_ share of the responsibility. To _fix _themselves. To say, 'alright, I know where I'm getting blocked or I'm getting stuck. Now, I want and am going to remove that block'. I'd like them to become people who no longer need me at some point in their lives because I've given them," she smirked, "the swords necessary to fight against whatever else life throws at them. But, I can't do all the work. I'll help them sort out their conflicts, put them on the right path to see where things went wrong and what _they_ can do to change things for themselves."

Regina sat quietly. It was a strange notion, a concept she'd never heard before. The films she'd seen, her short experience with Archie. None had ever taken this approach before. But in a way, Regina felt a small semblance of strength filling her.

Katia's methodology, however unorthodox it seemed, made her feel like she could actually fight back. Not just sit and take whatever misery life chose to throw at her. She's tried fighting every way she knew how but obviously it hasn't worked. Something needed to change. She needed to change.

Katia's whole posture changed. She stared at Regina with a smile that screamed 'I dare you to walk away.'

"So," she drawled, "you in or you out, Mayor Mills?"

And no matter how sore, and broken and down she felt, Regina Mills never. Ever. Backed down from a challenge.

"I'm in."

* * *

**Next chapter:**

**Guess who shows up again?**


	5. Raspberry

Emma knew she was close to Storybrooke when her coat no longer protected her from the clammy cold of rural Maine. She reached down between her thighs for the cooling cup of God-awful coffee she'd bought ten miles back from a seedy little motel café, hoping it would be enough for the remaining hour drive.

Taking a sip, she was already looking forward to the quiet, spacious rooms of Granny's Inn, with their queen-sized beds and their crisp, soft, lavender scented sheets. Not to mention the luxurious pillows she could happily drown in.

She shook her head at the thought. Just a little bit longer, she thought, gripping harder on the steering wheel. Still, she shouldn't have felt _this_ tired. The drive from Boston to Storybrooke was only five hours but if the dark circles under her eyes were of any indication, she hadn't exactly gathered enough sleep before she cracked her eyes open at 5.00 AM to get in her bug and leave.

Her gaze travelled to the pristine, white envelope that enclosed an equally posh invitation.

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of_

_David Nolan and Mary Margaret Blanchard_

_on October 8th,_

_at St Peter's Church, Storybrooke, Maine._

The invite had thrown her off a little. Since her departure from the sleepy little town, Emma hadn't exactly been stable in keeping contact with anyone save Henry. Even then, returning his emails had been a challenge.

Completely uprooting yourself from one place to another, embark on a desperate hunt to find a job slash new place to live, then go on a two month reconnaissance mission to prove herself still worthy of the bounty hunting business tended to eat away the personal time at your disposal.

Still, it was nice to be remembered.

She tilted her head, a small smile forming as she did. Her mind recalled the conversation she shared with the, without a doubt, blushing new bride three nights ago.

_Emma sat on the edge of her creaking bed, feet dangling in her attempt to discard her boots as her phone stayed wedged between her shoulder and cheek. She half considered hanging up, a little ashamed and worried of how her former roommate might react to her unexpected call. Her hand was halfway near the phone when a voice came through._

_"Hello?"_

_"Hey, M," Emma greeted nervously, "it's me."_

_"EMMA!"_

_After that, it didn't take much prodding from Emma to hear the full, glorious tale of the epic love that was between the newly engaged couple._

_Apparently a few months after she'd left, Kathryn had a huge falling out with David. The angry blonde had went charging into the animal shelter David worked in and demanded to know the truth. David, lost as he was had no idea what she was talking about until the schoolteacher's name was mentioned. Nothing had happened but he finally admitted the attraction was there. It was the final crack to an already troubled marriage. That was all Kathryn needed to hear. After the divorce was finalized, the huge, farm boy of a man came trudging through Granny's diner dejectedly to find Mary Margaret ordering her usual. Yes, the attraction between them had always been present, the schoolteacher refused to be treated as a rebound. It took a lot of convincing on David's part to assure that his affections were true until the pixie-haired woman relented and allowed their first date to happen. It seemed all too easy after that._

_Emma had moved into the kitchen with the phone on speaker now. She was about to prepare her usual cheap brown rice and baked beans dinner when another voice interrupted Mary Margaret's chatter._

_"Miss Blanchard, either you get yourself fitted into this dress right now or so help me I will force you to wear a wedding gown made of nothing but tissues when you walk down the aisle."_

_Emma's blinked into the boiling pot of rice. "Was that-"_

_"Yes, yes it was," the schoolteacher answered quickly._

_"She's there with you?"_

_Regina's distaste for the smaller woman was never a secret to anyone. When the love struck, puppy gazes between David and Mary Margaret grew increasingly, Regina had no qualms displaying her unwavering allegiance to her childhood friend instead._

_The miserable triangle had been responsible for many late night arguments between Emma and the mayor. Emma demanding David to blame as well and Regina screaming back that of course he's to blame but Mary Margaret held more responsibility simply for being the other woman._

_"It's… a long story," Mary Margaret answered gently. The response was far too vague, fuelling Emma's bewilderment when the conversation was cut shot. "Anyway, it would be really wonderful if you could join us. We'll save a seat and a buffet table for you and everything!" Her excitement dropped and her voice lowered to a whisper, "please come okay? I know it's a lot to ask but… please?"_

_Emma released a muted 'hmm' before the line went dead. The droll dial sound filled her ears until she finally pressed 'end'._

Jade eyes narrowed at the curving road. All this misplaced anxiety she felt drifting over her was doubling her irritation.

_So Regina and Mary Margaret were close now, big deal_. She told herself, her foot unconsciously pushing further down the pedal.

As she drew closer to Storybrooke, her thoughts wandered over to how much time had passed since she'd last seen the small town mayor slash dictator.

Eight months to be precise.

They'd been discussing how the holidays would work. Finally, the pair settled on allowing Henry to stay with Emma for Christmas and New Year's with Regina. It was a difficult compromise but one, Emma found, Regina was surprisingly compliant with.

Not that she thought much of it. She was just grateful to see her son again.

She remembered opening the door, seeing the bouncing young boy who'd grown an inch taller tackle her into a bear hug before finally relenting that his mother needed air.

_"Good to see you too kid," Emma teased, tussling his hair as he released her. A closer look at him told her he seemed a bit thinner but otherwise, fully compliant to how a growing boy should look. Her eyes darted back to Regina, who looked the exact opposite. Even under the thick coat Emma could see how frail she seemed. The confidence she once extruded with ease now lost, replaced with slouched shoulders, dark, jittery eyes and lips pulled into a hard line._

_"Hello Regina," she greeted._

_The brunette tensed, managing only a curt nod._

_"His belongings are all in his bag," the Mayor explained, "I'll pick him up for New Year's in a few days."_

_"Cool, thanks Regina," Emma said easily, watching the woman lean down to hug Henry goodbye before she left._

_Emma stared after her retreating figure. _She looks exhausted. _Emma wondered if she was getting enough sleep when Henry nudged her to help him with his one bag, she set the thought aside._

_A few days later, Emma had contacted Regina, her throat tense as she prepared herself for the call. _This is not gonna be good, _she groaned_.

_"Hello?"_

_"Hey Regina," she drawled slowly, eager to push this conversation off for the mere seconds she could, "listen…" The blonde explained about Henry's reluctance to return home. Even went as far as throwing a fit and she half panicked if he was going to have a seizure. She went on, explaining the situation with little to no response from the other side._

_Finally, she heard, "let me talk to him."_

_Henry peeked up hesitantly from his Nintendo. Reluctantly, he strode over to Emma's phone._

_"Hey mom."_

_The boy nodded here and there, his posture relaxing somewhat but Emma could saw the guilt of picking one parent over another wash over him. He swallowed visibly before handing the phone back to the blonde._

_"He's all yours," Regina spoke with clarity, the voice of a politician. "Merry Christmas Emma…"_

_Emma shook her head, annoyed at the tone of voice Regina chose to pull for this. "Thanks. You too. Bye."_

That was the last she'd heard from her really. Imagine her shock when it was Ruby who came bubbling down her hallway to collect Henry. Apparently, Regina had to deal with some town protest or other and was stuck handling it.

They chatted for a bit, Henry happily bundled in front of the TV with Paranormal Activity (hey, the kid needed to learn not to go channel surfing the hard way) before they left.

Emma felt her body slouch into the worn leather seats of her car, eager for a decent sleep. Some time last night, she'd texted Regina to let her know she'd be arriving in town the following day, just to be courteous. That was part of why she couldn't sleep.

Regina never responded. She'd initially shrugged it off but random flashes of the phone blaring to life with a message kept popping into her subconscious, making her rise to check the phone only to see an empty screen.

Finally, exhaustion consumed her and by the time she really was enjoying a calm, dead-to-the-world slumber, her alarm declared it was time to go.

The hour finally came to pass and Emma had passed the recognisable 'Welcome to Storybrooke' sign. The familiarity of everything immediately overwhelmed her. She hadn't realized how much she missed this place. Goldie's Bakery that made the best snails, the Rabbit Hole where she won and lost her first game of pool against Graham and Regina respectively. Everything was the same. Not a leaf or twig out of place.

She considered surprising Henry first but her desire for a decent cup of coffee won out over everything else as she parked her car in front of Granny's diner.

A quick glance at the restaurant brought a smirk to her lips. _Yup, nothing's changed_.

Just as she took off the seatbelt, her car door was ripped open as a shrill squeal filled her ears.

"EMMA!"

And then, she was being hugged.

"RUBY, LUNGS!"

The tall brunette gave her an extra tight squeeze for emphasis before releasing the blonde. With her familiar wolfish grin, she scanned Emma head to toe, making the blonde feel like a prized pet.

"So care to explain to me how you basically disappeared from the face of the earth once you skipped town on us? What, did you get too good for us small towners once you hit the big city?"

Emma grinned at her usual brand of humour. Yet, the edge of confidence to the younger girl was new. Even her clothes were different. Of course, she still paid homage to her favourite red colour but gone were the perversely short skirts and overly boosted makeup that made her look like she belonged in a Las Vegas strip club. Her features were softly enhanced, her choice of lipsticks and thick mascaras making way for something more natural yet powerful all at once.

Same Ruby yet. Not.

"Oh well, you know, us big shots don't have all the time in the world to give," Emma rebutted, earning a pinch on the arm for it.

"Clever you," Ruby scoffed, her tight, studded leather jacket softly clinking its belts as she did. "I can't believe you're here though. We've all missed you."

The sincerity warmed Emma's heart, "missed you too. I can't believe it's been a year. But nothing's changed though."

Ruby smiled welcomingly.

"Mary Margaret must be ridiculously busy with the wedding now. I'm assuming _you_ got roped into contributing something?" Emma leaned back on her car with a teasing smile.

Ruby half laughed, half scowled. "Yeah, we're catering actually. Our beloved schoolteacher wanted simple. Easy. But then Regina took over and got us whipping gourmet recipes with ingredients I'd never even heard of."

Emma's shoulders tensed at the name. "So, Regina. Our Storybrooke Mayor Regina is _really_ helping her then?" She breathed slowly, trying to keep the disbelief out of her voice.

"Yeah," Ruby faltered, as if she just remembered the history between Emma the woman she mentioned. "A lot's happened between them, not all good, but they're semi, sort of good now and, well she offered."

Emma managed a polite grin, restraining the odd possessiveness she felt over a friendship she put no effort into keeping. "That's good, I'm glad to hear that."

Ruby's smile shifted, "I guess this must all be a little bit shocking for you…"

Emma bristled under her gaze. "It's a little surprising," she admitted reluctantly, "but it's not shocking. Regina probably thought this would be a good PR stunt or something."

Clear, green irises narrowed, unreadable at the less than subtle crack. Thin, blood red lips parted, ready to rebut her statement when Granny's voice hollered for her granddaughter's presence.

"Dammit," Ruby growled, "I should probably go assist. If you need anything, let me know okay?"

Emma posture relaxed at the sincerity. Following her in, she asked for a cup of coffee and if it was alright to leave her things at the diner before checking in.

Ruby gave her a thumbs-up, taking the bag under her counter while handing Emma her drink.

As the far superior, exquisite brew warmed her chest, Emma made her way to see Mary Margaret. It was the least she could do, to drop in and say hi until Henry's school was out.

The roads were familiar in their distance and landmarks, making the drive almost instinctual for the blonde. She was half dreading seeing the smaller woman. No doubt she had something in mind for Emma to take part in as well and unless it involved booze, strip clubs and dancing on the edge of legal fun times, she had no idea what use she would actually be to someone closely associating herself as the Virgin Mary.

She exited her car, preparing her list of excuses and grumbling over what would be the most reasonable explanation. Dark boots crunched the dirt beneath her soles as she entered the building. Shaking off imaginary dust, she came up to Mary Margaret's familiar, deteriorating door with peeling white paint at the splints.

Her fist hovered in the air, ready to knock when she heard house music coming from within. _Surprising_. Mary Margaret had always been more of a Bryan Adams and Delta Goodrem type. Emma smirked, deciding she'd applaud the schoolteacher on her exploration of new horizons later when she knocked.

The volume dimmed. Emma stood awkwardly, feeling Mary Margaret's light pace towards the door vibrate across the floor.

When the door squeaked open, she froze, staring at the host, unblinking.

"Regina?" Emma squeaked.

Her ex stood there like a leopard without its spots, dressed modishly yet quietly. With her palm on the door, the woman adorned a simple dark, goldenrod silk shirt and russet wide-leg pants. Bright, hazel eyes beamed on her with sweetness and affability. As Emma stared, the familiar hint of seductive danger teased that grin until raspberry painted lips broke into a thrilling smile.

"Hello dear."


	6. Tea

**Oh I had so much fun writing this part :D**

* * *

_Emma had just returned home after a late dinner date with her best friend. Of course, knowing how her wife would react if she came home late, she had texted Regina to let her know she won't be home for a while and not to wait up. But of course, by the time she pulled up into the familiar driveway, slid up the stairs and stepped into the bedroom, Regina was still up, tucked neatly into the bed on top of the blankets with a book on her lap. _

_Regina glanced at her with disapproval in her eyes and frowned when she saw her wife._

"_You're late."_

"_Sorry," Emma mumbled, not meaning it at all, "she just needed someone to talk to Regina."_

_Regina scoffed, fully aware of who Emma was referring to. "Well, it's her own fault for falling for a married man. She's already done enough damage simply by looking at him, it's only fair she pays a little bit of the emotional price too."_

_Emma turned sharply at her. Of all the residents of Storybrooke, Kathryn Nolan was the only person Regina truly defended. The blonde was glad that the solitary mayor had someone to call a friend but with both women siding with two opposing sides, it was difficult to stay happy for her._

"_Don't start, Regina…" Emma warned, not in the mood for any more of their fights. She unzipped her leather jacket and tossed it into the closet room, ignoring Regina's dangerous glare at her negligence. "You know, maybe if you actually tried to get to know her, you'd actually understand from her point of things too._

_Regina let out a low, mocking laugh and put her book down to the side with her reading glasses on top. "Sure," she said, sarcasm dripping in her tone, "and maybe I'll also find Neverland and take over Captain Hook's ship and crew while I'm at it."_

Emma stared in disbelief at her ex-wife who was standing at the doorway into the apartment of a woman she had absolutely loathed at one point.

_Maybe the drive took more out of me than I thought_, Emma rationalized, half ready to start pinching herself to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.

Regina stood there staring at her expectantly.

"Emma?"

Emma had to forcibly shake herself out of her dazed state. "Uhm, yeah?"

"I asked, if you'd like to come in?" Regina moved to the side, making room for Emma.

Emma's feet shuffled awkwardly in her spot until she managed to pull herself into the apartment. As she brushed past her ex, she couldn't help but notice the familiar scent of apples waded with… a perfume she didn't recognise.

The brunette closed the door behind her and headed towards the kitchen, as if she had more important things to do than entertain her ex-wife in the home of her ex-wife's best friend, a woman she made it her mission to hate on the spot just over a year ago.

"You're here to see Miss Blanchard?" Regina asked politely, "she's just-"

"EMMA!"

The blonde was engulfed into another hug and was grateful for the interruption. From the corner of her eye, she saw Regina walk towards the stereo and turn off the music.

Emma felt like a deer in headlights. She had no idea what to say to Regina right now. The surprise was just too much. Everything was too much. She resolutely focused her eyes on Mary Margaret as she small woman went on to say how glad she was to see Emma, how much things they had to do, how happy she was, and how she couldn't wait to be married.

At some point during the conversation, Emma had been pulled onto the couch, with a seat that had a clear view into the kitchen. Where Regina was chopping away as if her place there was the most natural thing in the world. Emma couldn't help the suspicion she felt. Regina looked so relaxed. The stiff posture she usually imprinted into her daily movements was gone. Her perfectly styled hair seemed a little more tousled, more natural as it moved while she worked. All the while, there was always that small little smile never left her features.

And Emma felt something else too. Something bubbling underneath her skin, churning an emotion she couldn't quite describe.

She saw Regina walk towards her and quickly shot her eyes back to Mary Margaret, nodding at point but completely unaware of what she was saying.

"Here you go, I thought you might like some tea," the mayor handed the first cup to Mary Margaret who easily accepted it.

Emma stared dumbly at her. The last time she'd see this woman, she wouldn't even _look_ at Regina let alone accept tea.

TEA!

Then she realized Regina was holding out a cup to her as well.

"Oh. Um. Thanks," she mumbled, numbly reaching for it.

Regina blasted another radiant smile at her and Emma stopped thinking all together.

How often had she seen that smile? In three years, she'd been lucky to catch glimpses of the brunette that now sat on a one-seated couch next to Mary Margaret, sitting with ease and grace as she sipped the hot drink.

Emma's eyes narrowed at her.

If Regina noticed her gaze, she didn't show any sign of it.

"And Regina's been so kind," Mary Margaret started, "she's been helping me with so much and…" she laughed nervously, "you know how I am when I get overwhelmed. I didn't have a clue on how to organize on such a large scale and Regina just stepped in."

Regina laughed softly, "it was that or watch you run around like a headless chicken."

Mary Margaret frowned at her but even Emma could tell that she took no offense. "I was not that bad."

"Believe me, Miss Blanchard, you were quite close."

Emma gaped at the interaction.

_WHAT. THE. HELL?!_

Her irritation was about to get the best of her when Mary Margaret's cell phone rang from her pocket. It seemed almost like a natural impulse how she'd just quickly answered. Emma could turn she'd been doing that for a while, what with all the planning and all.

Emma's gaze flitted back to Regina. Who was still drinking that damn tea.

"What?!"

Both women turned to Mary Margaret.

"Not again Ruby…" She looked like her head was about to explode. "Fine, fine, we'll be there."

When she hung up, she immediately turned to Regina, a reaction that made Emma's heart clench a bit.

"That was Ruby, apparently Granny's refusing to cook half the things we put on the menu for the engagement party because it was too 'hoity toity'."

Regina's perfectly shaped eyebrow raised a little, making Emma feel slightly better at the familiarity of the action. Many a time she'd been the cause of such a look.

"I went through everything with her weeks ago, and _now_ she's changing her mind? Good grief," Regina shook her head as if she'd been in more than one argument with the feisty old lady already and it was starting to finally drain her energy.

"Shall we go there?" Mary Margaret asked timidly, "we may need to renegotiate with her again."

"Yes, I'd think we'd better, before she changes her mind again days before the actual wedding" Regina began to stand up when she looked at Emma, "would you like to come with us?"

Emma just nodded, deciding that she'd see how this parallel universe worked before she woke up in her bed back in Boston.

Regina insisted that Mary Margaret drive with Emma so they could catch up a little while Regina took her own car. The same old black Mercedes. The one Emma and Regina had christening by –

_Yeah, let's not go there,_ Emma scolded herself.

She wanted to ask about what the hell was going on with Regina and Mary Margaret but the way the woman prattled on about the wedding, about the details, about everything else in between and with the mild mental shut down she felt, Emma felt inclined to shut up and listen.

Maybe she'd get some answers that way.

It was Emma and Mary Margaret got there first with Regina close behind.

Once they all got out of their cars, Mary Margaret and Regina immediately headed in together, like some duo S.W.A.T team ready to face the terrors of the old lady inside.

Half way there, Emma noticed Regina pull out a phone and began texting quickly.

Emma's face furrowed, "what happened to your old phone?"

Regina looked at her stunned, as if she completely forgot she was there. She looked at her for a few seconds and then at her new phone. A quick realisation seemed to whirl past her eyes before she gave Emma a smile.

"I dropped it."

When they stepped in, Ruby was sitting in one of the booths, her grandmother perched on the other side of the counter with her arms crossed and a rolling pin sticking out of her hand in the most menacing way.

Ruby shot them an apologetic look and nodded her head towards her grandmother the way a mother does to her child when she didn't want to say anything to upset him.

"What's this now, Lucas?" Regina spoke first, her tone both patient and testy as she took a seat on one of the red stools while Snow sat next to Ruby along with Emma, as if trusting Regina to handle this all on her own.

"I will not cook those _things_ on that damned list of yours Mills," Granny growled, "this is Storybrooke, not… not Manhattan," she grinned widely, proud of the fact that she was able to think of a city outside of Maine. "Here we serve real, AMERICAN food. And that's what Mary Margaret wants!" She announced passionately, not seeing how the bride-to-be shrunk in her seat.

"Be that as it may," Regina began, "we still would like to add _some_ semblance of class to the wedding. Not in every area god forbid, but just _some_ of it."

The two began arguing quite loudly but Ruby and Mary Margaret paid no mind.

Emma leaned over from the other side of the table and whispered, "is that wise? Should we really leave _Regina_ to go at it with her?"

Ruby and Mary Margaret both stared at her with this look in their eyes that made Emma cringe internally. As if she was some petulant child demanding an answer for why the sky was blue and the earth wasn't flat.

It was Ruby who recovered quickly, "don't worry, they do this all the time. Give it two more minutes and they'll go back to their original deal."

Emma was about to speak again when she heard 'PRUDE!' She looked quickly back at the pair but Regina just sighed heavily.

"Okay, guys, seriously, what the hell is going on?" Emma asked her two old friends, her eyes never leaving Regina who was still in a heated debate.

She was so focused on the woman she could barely recognize that she didn't notice Ruby's growing smirk.

"Told you she was different."

Emma's head shot towards her in a mix of anger and confusion when the woman was hopping over Mary Margaret. She walked up behind Regina and threw her arm around her.

Emma's jaw dropped.

"Come on Grams, just work with Mayor Regina here," Ruby cooed at the older, plump silver-haired woman, "She's only trying to make Mary Margaret's wedding extra special, right Mayor?"

"Emphasis being _try_ here if your grandmother will allow it," Regina spoke with ease. "What if we allow your usual diner food to be served at the after party? Serve your BBQ and hot dogs there for all I care but the reception will start with _proper_ dishes."

Ruby quickly jumped in, "see Grams? Everyone gets what they want."

The Widow Lucas stared at the both of them, wondering what ploys hid underneath those smiles of theirs. "After party. It'll be my food and _just_ MY food."

Regina nodded, struggling to avoid rolling her eyes. "Fine, yes, _just_ Granny's Diner's usual food."

The old woman grudgingly accepted and headed back into the kitchen.

"Your grandmother is trying to make my hair just as grey as hers Ruby…" Regina whined slightly as she shrunk into her seat.

Ruby affectionately rubbed her coat covered shoulders. "It'll be alright Madam Mayor, she's only a harmless old lady."

"Says you…" she muttered. Sighing, she jumped off the stool and looked at her watch, "I have to go pick up Henry from Katia's. Will you all be alright on your own?"

Ruby and Mary Margaret nodded at her.

"Alright, I have to go then," she was about to burst through the door when she paused. She turned and looked at Emma with a warmth and sincerity Emma had seen perhaps only once during their marriage and made her heart grow cold in her chest. "It was really nice seeing you again Emma. Come by the house when you can. Henry would be thrilled to see you. Bye everyone."

With that, the mayor disappeared.

Emma sat there for a good five minutes, stiff as a statue until she turned to her Mary Margaret and Ruby.

"What." She growled. "Or WHO. The Fuck. Was that."


	7. The Truth

**TRIGGER WARNING - PHYSICAL ABUSE so please, read with care...**

* * *

Emma was sitting back against the warm, leather couch in the living room of the mayor's house. She had tried to relax as she listened to her son who talk with fervour about anything and everything while Regina and Mary Margret were going over the floral centre pieces with a large stout man, big nose, small frown that seemed etched into his face and beady little eyes that were always flittering nervously.

Maurice was his name, Emma recalled. The tall blonde remembered him being introduced to her as the owner of 'Game of Thorns' - a flower shop with a name Emma always thought belonged to some form of RPG, instead of a bouquet store.

After Regina had left to go pick up Henry, Emma had quietly stared at the two women sitting opposite of her with a piercing glare, as if somewhat expecting them to suddenly peel off their faces and revel themselves to be imposters.

Ruby and Mary Margaret both looked at her, afraid that whatever they said might send off the edge. And who knows, maybe it might but Emma didn't care. Not at this second anyway.

"She just… changed, Emma… I really have no other way to describe it," Mary Margaret spoke gently, her voice kind and considerate as she tried to reach out to her friend. Yes, Mary Margaret knew what had happened between their previous sheriff and their current mayor over the course of their marriage. She had easily sided with Emma at first but after she left, month after month, the mayor slowly showed different sides to her. Sides that Mary Margaret couldn't help but be fascinated by.

_Where was THIS woman all this time?_ She thought.

She knew fully well that Regina had made many, many mistakes but she'd seen how much of a change there was in the Mayor, in how she now related to her son and to the rest of the town. It was almost miraculous to see such a different personality emerge from her but it was certainly a welcome one. Regina never quite explained what made her be who she was before and why she treated Emma the way she did. But whenever her ex-wife was mentioned, she always spoke with such a forlorn expression and a voice filled with regret. A glazed look always shrouded her eyes and Mary Margaret could see her throat bob lightly as she turned away before changing the subject with a smile.

When Mary Margaret asked her if she'd ever like to be with Emma again, she let out a low chuckle and looked at her with such sad eyes Mary Margaret felt as if a truck just rammed into her chest.

"Even if I did… even if she wanted me too… I just don't know if we're right for each other anymore…"

And Mary Margaret recognised that look easily. It was the look of absolute guilt. Mary Margaret had seen that look on her face often enough when she and David were still - figuring things out. But it was different on Regina. She had the look of someone seeking for penitence through self-punishment and seemed determined to pay whatever price she could.

It wasn't that she didn't want Emma. She was just afraid to.

Emma snapped towards Ruby, almost glaring at her for a better explanation but the vision of red just shrugged. Yes, she knew a little more but she wouldn't share. It wasn't her place after all.

"What I suggest here Emma," Ruby said calmly, her whole demeanour changing into that of a woman with clever intelligence and quiet strength, not at all like the meek young woman Emma knew before who hid her insecurities under tacky clothing tastes and false confidence. "Is if you actually want to know what happened, ask _her_. Don't get us in the middle of it."

Emma scowled at her but quickly moved past the subject. She just couldn't be bothered to deal with the ambiguities of her friends and the many complexities of Regina Mills.

Not since she'd forced herself to stop being in love with her.

The trio moved on to lighter subjects, trying to move past the underlying tension until Emma and both Mary Margaret received a text.

_Henry's at home now and so is Mary Margaret's florist,_ the message read. _Would you like to come here with her? I told Henry about your arrival and he's really excited to see you. It'd be wonderful if you could drop by. _

Emma looked up from her phone and saw Mary Margaret looking at her with a bit of apprehension.

"If you don't want to, I can-"

"No, it's fine," Emma quickly interrupted, offering Mary Margaret her best smile. It seemed to ease the petite woman a little and truth be told, Emma really did miss Henry. The nights on the road spent hunting her marks, and the mental exhaustion she felt tracking them, had all made her miss the comforts of having just one place to call home where she wasn't called out every few days or so for another job. She was constantly clarifying to herself, that it was her just her son that she missed and not any other aspects that had been nurtured from her failed marriage.

So even if she couldn't understand who the hell his other mother was right now, she can deal with it enough to see her son.

So here she was. On a couch she helped Regina pick. In Regina's home. With their son. While the topic of interest between her and Henry was about Minecraft, and the other group sitting on the extensive dining table was intensely discussing about flowers.

Emma's gaze kept falling on Regina. She could feel more than see the massive difference in her. Regina always used to enter the room with an air of tension around her, as if warding off any human being who dared to approach her. Even when she slept, she held the same contempt. Emma had felt this mild suffocation when she was still married to Regina. She just never knew how to please her, how to really make her smile. The only time she did was when she proposed and even then, it was more in her eyes than in her smile. Now, looking at the Mayor who'd changed into a large, oversized dark grey sweater with long sleeves that covered half her hands, her neck buried in a thick red woollen scarf, black tights that clung to her skin and coffee coloured UGG boots of all things, Emma had no idea what to feel. She had been mad at Regina for so long, angry at her for the things she did and the things she didn't do but looking at the woman before her, Emma had the smallest semblance of maturity to see that the woman she spent so much time hating just wasn't there anymore.

"And you know, mom took me to New Hampshire a few weeks ago," Henry's topic of importance immediately changed when he noticed Emma staring particularly hard in the direction of his mom. "We visited the Polar Caves Park and stayed there all day! She even helped me feed the deer."

Emma couldn't stop the image of Regina dressed in Disney's Snow White costume in some earthy forest bombarding into her head.

"Really?" Emma tried to sound excited, but the truth was, hearing about Henry going somewhere new without her, having childhood adventures without her being included in these memories just made her heart ache. "I'm really glad you had fun Henry, you deserve it."

Henry sat silently for a bit, making Emma immediately worry if maybe she'd said something wrong.

"Maybe," he spoke nervously, "you can come with us next time? Mom promised I'd get to go again… as a late birthday trip"

Emma's chest overwhelmed with guilt at the hopeful expression she saw in him. She knew that her leaving had really left scars on him but Henry was so mature, so strong for his age that she kept forgetting that in the end, he was only a child. It didn't help that she'd been unable to be present for his eleventh birthday party four months ago either.

"We'll see kid," Emma tried not to raise his hopes too high but the excitement she saw on the smile that reached his eyes made everything seem better for the moment.

"FINALLY!"

Emma and Henry both jumped, turning their heads towards Mary Margaret, who looked far too relieved as she slumped into her seat, Regina smiling affectionately at her.

"WE HAVE OUR CENTERPIECE!" With that, the tiny woman slammed shut the massive folder before her and stared at it as if she expected an old nemesis to jump out of the pages and demand for her to go through more floral choices.

"Yes, thank heavens for that, dear," Regina agreed, "now we can cross out _one _thing out of hmm, the two hundred and sixty-four things we have left to do?" The brunette teased, earning Mary Margaret's scolding glare, the one she reserved for her kids at school.

"Why? Why did you have to say that?"

Regina just shrugged, "I'm evil?"

Mary Margaret looked like she wanted to wring her neck.

"Well, if that's all there is," Maurice quickly stood up, looking eager to run from all this femineity, "I really must get going. Someone has to pick up Belle from the library but it was lovely seeing you ladies," he quickly added, hoping to cover his enthusiasm to leave. Looking at the amused smirks on the two seated women, he realized it didn't work. "I'll contact you when the flowers are shipped. Au revoir," he greeted in a poor imitation of a French accent and exited the house.

Mary Margaret chuckled behind him, "at least his French is better than what it was before," she stood up and glanced at Emma, offering her a soft smile, as if to say 'it'll get better'. "Well, it's late and I should leave too. Thanks again for everything, Regina."

Regina stood up and they hugged each other goodbye. Regina seemed to stiffen when Mary Margaret slightly turned towards her head and whispered something into her ear. But it disappeared almost as quickly as it came and Regina fell back into the ease and grace she'd been carrying with her all day.

With that, Mary Margaret turned and raised her voice to say goodbye to both Henry and Emma.

Soon, she was gone.

It was almost too awkward with just the three of them now. They hadn't been left alone together in months and the anxiety Emma was already feeling wasn't helping her appear as casual as she wanted. She glanced at Regina and caught her smiling knowingly and kindly at her. Emma quickly broke the eye contact and stared at the rug on the floor.

"Now," Regina declared as she clapped her hands together, "who wants to see Twilight?"

"NO!" Henry shouted out, followed by Emma not a second after.

The two looked at each other and Emma couldn't help the pride she felt at the similar tastes she shared with her son. Henry's face burst with the same pride and grinned at her, as if Emma just did something that magnificently proved that she was indeed, his mother.

Regina laughed lightly, "okay, how about How To Train Your Dragon?"

"YESSS!" Henry immediately nodded in approval.

The movie began with Emma, Henry and Regina all sitting on the same couch with Henry strategically placed in the middle of the two divorcees. The boy didn't seem to care though as he ate another spoonful of his Mint Chocolate ice cream over the blanket Regina tucked over him.

The ice cream bit created another one of those dumbstruck moments (that were occurring far too often) for Emma, who had once witnessed Regina argue with passion on the disastrous health effects of such a dessert.

Forty-five minutes in, Emma slid into the couch, barely paying attention to the movie. Regina was so close, so much closer than she'd ever been since she left. Still, she knew Regina was being careful not to physically touch her ex-wife. The blonde had tested that theory when she tried to slide her legs underneath Henry and Regina shifted to the other side of the long couch, moving away so that Emma could easily lie across the couch without her feet touching the brunette.

The amount of consideration she saw in Regina was astounding. The Mayor had never cared before about who felt uncomfortable or comfortable in her presence, save Henry. If they couldn't deal with her personality that at times resembled an oncoming storm, that was their own weakness as she used to proudly point out.

When the movie ended, Henry had fallen asleep and it was Regina who asked Emma to carry him up to his room while Regina packed away everything.

Emma felt a rush of warmth spread through her chest when Henry clung to her as she picked him up. With careful tenderness, she walked up the stairs with him nuzzled into her neck until she laid him down on his bed. Seeing how peaceful he was, Emma's lips curved into a slow smile and nestled his blanket over him, making sure he'd be warm throughout the night. Gently, she leaned down and pressed her lips to his forehead, whispering 'good night' until she slid out of the room.

When she came back down, she was ready to leave until she saw Regina in the kitchen with two glasses of wine pulled out already.

"I wasn't sure if you'd want a drink," she offered nervously, "so I just poured a glass in case you did."

Emma's gaze hardened a bit.

"Yeah, why not?" she grunted out. Regina's features changed a little but she regained her earlier composure and handed Emma her glass.

Emma took a sip, her eyes following Regina as she sat down. Even underneath that baggy sweater, she could see make out the curves of Regina's body. It was hard not to notice how physically_ good_ she looked when so many other changes were seen already.

Emma allowed herself to leer at Regina's perfectly shaped behind until the Mayor turned and sat down on the couch they shared less than half an hour ago.

Regina looked at her expectantly, as if waiting for Emma to do something. Anything.

_So she wants to play this game again?_ Emma thought. _Fine. I'll go along with it. _

She sat down on the couch and feigned ignorance towards the genuine smile that touched Regina's lips and kept drinking.

"I'm glad you came by tonight," Regina said, "he's really missed you... it was nice to see him so happy again."

Emma scoffed. "So what, now you're trying to say I don't spend enough time with him?"

The shock on Regina's face seemed sincere but Emma dismissed it.

"What?"

"Look don't give me that parenting crap," Emma barked, "I know perfectly well what I'm doing and unlike _some_ of us, we weren't handed all the education in the world to get good, stable jobs. _Some _of us were forced out into the world with nothing under our belts expect survival instincts. When I can get a stable job, I'll make sure Henry can visit more often."

"Emma," the softness in her voice was like nails on a chalkboard. Emma hated it. "I never meant-"

"You never fucking say what you meant," Emma spat out, "isn't that how you play your game?" She stared at her with such hate and disdain that Emma could feel her entire body tense up, like it always does when she prepares herself for a fight. The physical kind. "You say something that insinuates something and then expect me to crack your code and know what exactly you meant."

Regina looked visibly scared. But the pride in her as Mayor and as a woman made her refuse to give in to Emma's scathing words that were uncalled for. The Mayor stood up, holding her glass and taking the one Emma had placed on the table.

"Look, maybe we should just-"

"SHUT UP!"

All of a sudden, she felt hands pull at her sweater, her equilibrium thrown off balance until she was pushed against a wall. She felt an arm dig into her neck, threatening to cut her lungs off from the air they desperately needed until she managed to open her eyes and grow cold at the pair of ocean blue eyes that reminded Regina of the calm before the storm.

"Emma," she croaked out, "please-"

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU DID TO ME?!" She half shouted, half whispered as she pushed Regina harder against the wall, ignoring the hard thud the back of the mayor's head made against the wall, "YOU HURT ME! OVER AND OVER! I COULDN'T EVEN SLEEP NEXT TO YOU! I WAS ALWAYS SO SCARED YOU WERE GOING TO LUNGE AT ME AGAIN! I DID NOTHING TO DESERVE IT! I NEVER ONCE HIT YOU. I NEVER HIT YOU BACK!"

Emma recalled the moments where Regina in her fits of rage, completely forgot about what she was doing with her hands and had slapped Emma clean across the cheek. It wasn't until the impact, and the cutting noise that skin upon skin that Regina ever realized what she was doing. She'd crawl next to her later, begging for forgiveness and apologizing over and over while Emma nodded, allowing Regina to feel better as she drifted to sleep from exhaustion, Emma herself could never relax next to her ever again. Not after the first time. Especially not after the fifth.

She was pulled out of the memories she pushed deep inside her mind when Regina's low, painful groan brought her back into the present.

Her clutch tightened. "And now… and now everyone's looking at you like… like you're this beautiful, good person… even the ones who knew what you did to me…" Emma pulled at her and threw her against the wall again. "Well, I know who you are!" She shouted, her voice shaking as she did. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES TO A KID WHO GREW UP IN THE FOSTER SYSTEM?! TO BE HIT BY SOMEONE YOU LOVED BEYOND REASON?! YOU SAID YOU'D CHANGE AND YOU NEVER DID! NOT FOR ME! AND NOW WHAT, YOU'RE GOING AROUND PRETENDING TO BE THIS SAINT?! WELL, WHERE THE HELL WAS SHE WHEN I NEEDED HER?"

Emma's palms shook, her body quaking as she finally allowed months of supressed hurt and anger to be released. "Wh-where… where were you when I needed you?"

She looked at Regina who was staring back at her with such broken eyes filled with remorse and her lips tightly pressed into each other. Emma couldn't help herself. She lifted her hands off the sweater and saw Regina flinch, as if expecting Emma to hit her but almost - hopeful for it at the same time.

Emma's chest constricted as put her hands on those familiar cheeks, her palms rigid against that soft flesh but trembling as they stayed there. "Wh-where were you…?"

She felt the tears sting her eyes, her anger over the whole day finally making itself known. Yes, here she was. _This_ was the Regina she'd fought so hard to see. Tried _so hard_ to bring to the surface but she never succeeded. Now she was here. Here for all to see and it wasn't even for her.

Never for her.

No one ever tries for her, not her parents who abandoned, not her foster families, not Neal. Not even Regina.

She felt a panic attack coming on when a pair of gentle hands rested on her cheeks and slowly pulled her close until their foreheads were resting against each other.

Regina swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to keep the pain of her back out of her voice until she finally managed to whisper the words she'd been trying to say for the past six months, "I'm sorry."

And Emma broke down, collapsing against the woman she'd desperately tried not to love, the woman who now held her as they both slid down the wall, with Regina holding her close, gently rocking her as she said again, 'I'm sorry'.

It was the first, genuine apology she'd ever heard from Regina. Or from anyone.

* * *

**Annnd we see where it all went wrong. More insight into both broken souls later. One's fixed but the other is now forced on her way.**

**I understand that some of you may cringe at the mention of domestic violence as you all should. But, before any of you jump the gun to start observing or analysing the relationship dynamics of what I am trying to write, bear in mind... I actually do have experience in this... particular field so... please just tread with care.**


	8. Space, Time and a Cappuccino

When Emma Swan stirred in her sleep, a small part of her was aware of how content she felt. Something she hadn't felt in years. So it was instinct that made her greedily reach out for more as she burrowed deeper into the arms that held her protectively, revelling in the scent of apple and cinnamon.

She heard a light moan from above as long, slender arms pulled her in closer into the embrace.

That's when Emma's eyes burst open.

She very nearly yanked herself away but her sudden nervousness was sensed by the slumbering figure she was nuzzling.

Regina's sleeping face frowned worriedly into the pillow and tensed her arms around the blonde.

Emma felt her upper body being pulled in, doing absolutely nothing for the onslaught of that _scent_ again.

She closed her eyes, the familiarity of this tender moment burning her throat, and making her swallow quietly. The mayor's arm was gently placed under Emma's neck, her lips lightly pressed onto the blonde's hairline and her other arm wrapped over her shoulders while Emma's fingers were clutching at Regina's sweater, like a child holding onto their favourite blankie.

She suddenly recalled all the events of last night. How she lost control, how her anger took over, how she pushed Regina against the wall, how Regina apologized and held her as she broke down right there in the middle of the living room. That was the last bit she remembered. She barely recalled how she was brought into the bedroom but it didn't really matter.

All she knew was, she had to get out of there. _Now._

Slowly, she managed to extricate herself from that all too familiar warmth and ignored the sudden sense of emptiness she felt as she slid out of those arms. Once she was out of the bed, she fixed her hair and straightened her rumpled clothes before creeping out of the room. At the door, she turned to look at Regina, whose messy dark hair covered her eyes, and her eyebrows narrowed slightly as she unconsciously swung her arm across the bed, searching what was suddenly lost. Even then, she looked more at peace than Emma had seen her in years.

The golden-haired woman stood there for a good ten minutes, observing the woman still deep in sleep before she turned and walked out.

* * *

"So, you spent the night together then," Katia asked calmly, as she brewed her coffee. She moved from the kitchen counter and approached the hunched woman who sat on preferred green couch (which hysterically enough, she was so adamant about in the beginning of how wretched it look with the _scheme_ of the cabin interior decoration).

Regina was sitting on the edge of the couch with her knees pulled underneath her chin and a hand that was buried in her hair with a light grip. She was staring ahead emotionlessly until she saw the coffee mug in front of her.

She mumbled a quick 'thanks', closing her eyes briefly and took it in her hand.

After she woke up this morning to find Emma gone, she immediately called her one true source of strength and quickly rushed over after she dropped Henry off at school.

"Yes and no," Regina sighed, "I mean, nothing _happened_," she emphasised, "she was just so angry with me for… what I'd done to her in the past and, she just started crying."

Regina remembered how small Emma felt in her arms despite her size. The taller, stronger woman seemed so meek and vulnerable as she cried into her chest that Regina had to swallow her own guilt just so she could stay strong for her ex-wife.

Regina did her best to comfort her, gently stroking her head as Emma pushed deeper into her, like she was trying to disappear into her altogether. It was a good half an hour before the sobbing stopped. When Regina asked if she'd like to take the guest bedroom and rest for the night, Emma nodded weakly. Regina had to pull her off the ground and hold her upright as she helped her up the stairs. Once she'd placed Emma on the bed, the woman whose eyes were now bright red, with cheeks flushed, a slightly runny nose and trembling lips held on to her wrist. Regina tried to see what Emma wanted and waited patiently. But in her waiting, she didn't realize Emma had already fallen asleep. She tried to dislodge the hand that held onto her but it only made Emma whimper. Finally, she nestled herself next to Emma who immediately jumped into her arms, holding onto her for dear life as Regina slept next to her.

"I hurt her Katia," she muttered, deflated. "I thought maybe if I showed her how different I was, things might be different but…"

Katia took a sip of her hot coffee from her favourite Dr Seuss mug with the popular quote 'Oh, the Places You'll Go!' etched across.

"And what is it you were hoping for?" Katia asked gently.

Regina sank into her seat. Katia was doing it again. That thing where she was asking her questions she didn't want to answer.

"I guess… for her to… want me back…" Regina made her mumbled confession, trying to count the lines on the rug underneath her.

Katia's face showed no change in emotions.

"Do you think that was the right thing to do?" she starts her process, "to show her how different you are with your expectations of what you wanted instead of maybe thinking how she might have felt about it? Put yourself in her shoes. You've become someone she's always hoped for in a partner. And this changed happened while she wasn't around. Don't you think she'd feel rejected? As if she wasn't worthy of the tremendous change you put yourself through?"

There was no anger and no disappointment in her tone. Katia spoke with her usual light, yet absolute impartiality in her attempts to help Regina see where she might have gone wrong.

Regina's face darkened. But the anger wasn't directed at Katia, it was at herself.

"No… no you're right… I should've figured that Emma would've been hurt by how I was behaving…"

She recalled how Emma looked when she was discussing the wedding arrangements with Mary Margaret and displayed her newfound friendship with Ruby at the diner. She sensed her ex-wife's discomfort at what would be to her, Regina's sudden sociability with the two women she once made it clear she had no interest in forming friendships with. She didn't feel like she had to hide anything from her ex-wife but it would have been the right thing to do, to slowly _ease_ her into getting to know the person she'd become.

After all, Emma's recent actions had proven how sensitive the woman was to anything Regina did even if it was done with absolutely no ill intention.

"And I guess…" Regina spoke shamefully in a low voice, "a small part of me wanted to say, 'hey look at me now, look how different I am and how much better I am _in spite_ of the fact that you left'… I… it was really wrong to do that…"

Katia had to contain the burst of pride she felt. Regina Mills. Pointing out her own subconscious flow of thoughts and mistakes.

_How far she's come_, she thought tenderly.

"Regina," she whispered gently, earning a timid glance from the mayor, "do you remember when you called me on your birthday… and Christmas… and New Year's?"

Regina cowered into herself. Yes, she remembered the three consecutive continuation of her own personal hell that went on after Emma left. It was strange. She once looked back on it with such hate and anger but it just seemed like a passing chapter now. She was glad she could let go of the hurt from that part of her life if not all else.

"I know that you're still making yourself really responsible for how Emma and everyone treated you... and how life in general seemed to work for you at that time," Katia began, "and I know you're still making yourself really responsible for how you behaved towards Emma during your relationship."

Regina's grip on her now cold coffee tightened, her fingers playing with the rim of the mug.

"Do you remember what I've said? It is up to _all of us_ to take responsibilities for the mistakes we made, whether they be intentional or not, ill intended or not," Regina realized that Katia was speaking with her commanding voice, which meant she _really_ had to listen. "We can say we did things without knowing and sometimes it's true, it's really true but the absolute truth us, some part of us is _always_ aware of whether we are making the right choices or the wrong ones. It's a matter of how hard we choose to listen to it and you've made every effort possible to listen to that inner voice of yours Regina," she paused, waiting for the words to sink into Regina's core once more before she dropped the bomb on her, "and you did this _despite_ how wrongly you were treated by your parents."

Regina's body slumped with both ease and a mild mixture of both rejection and acceptance. The issue of her parents was always a little tricky. Still, she sighed deeply, and waited patiently for Katia to resume.

"So yes," Katia continued, "you've made mistakes. You're not excused from them but you have taken responsibility for them. And because you did, we managed tp dig deep and figure out _why_ you made these mistakes and where your subconscious was so heavily loaded with how you grew up that it really, and I mean _really_," she emphasised to again, remind Regina the extent of how horrible her mother was, "badly affected how you built relationships as an adult. You've changed to the point where I can _truly_ say with a hundred precent certainty that you would never lay a hand on another person ever again in your life."

"Doesn't change the fact that I still hurt the woman I loved most," Regina muttered.

"No, no it doesn't," Katia agreed, "but what good does it do to reflect on your past over and over? It's like making repeatedly putting your hand through fire to pay for your mistakes but does it even do any good?"

Regina thought about it and nodded her head slowly. Using that same example, she realized sure, she would manage to punish herself the way she (felt like) she deserved but it only made things worse later because all she got was a burnt hand without any new capabilities to actually _achieve_ anything.

"No," Katia confirmed, happy with the brief agreement, "no, but you actually forced yourself to change, to learn from your mistakes, to go over every minute detail of where you went wrong and what you did wrong. Do you think a lot of people like looking at reels of themselves and their past errors with ease and humility without jumping at the defence at every single turn? Very few, Mayor Mills. They're very few in numbers."

Despite herself Regina couldn't help but smile. Yes she was proud of herself for how far she'd come. Still a small part of her couldn't help but wish she'd made this change sooner. Katia and her had came upon that point once and the woman just pointedly told her, 'how were you supposed to know you had to change when you had absolutely no idea what you were even doing wrong or where to start fixing things?'

"Didn't I do that for a while though?" Regina chuckled.

Katia's gaze grew stern, "you're putting yourself down again Regina. Do try to remember that's your mother's voice talking and not you."

Regina sighed softly, "yes, you're right."

"The world's hard on us as it is Regina," Katia spoke calmly, "there's no need to do that for ourselves when there're dozens waiting in line to judge us for our mistakes already."

Regina's face fell into her knees again. Katia was a strong believer of how one should stop trying to make themselves feel horrible so long as they were trying to do everything they can to fix whatever they've done wrong. So Regina has done the second part to the best that she can but the first part was still ridiculously hard.

"You can't keep punishing yourself for this Regina," Katia spoke calmly, "and what happened during the last few months of last year… well, I think you've more than paid for your mistakes."

Regina sat as quiet as a mouse.

"Now," Katia spoke up with a lightness that always managed to make Regina feel like there was definitely hope yet, "what do you think you should do now, regarding Emma? Don't bring the past into this yet. Focus on _what you can do now_."

Regina stared ahead with steeled resolve. "I need to give her time and space. A lot of it and let her come to me if she wants."

Katia's grin beamed at her like a ray of sunshine. "Atta girl."

* * *

Emma hadn't seen Regina in a few days not even with Mary Margaret or Ruby present.

The woman was always engaged in some appointment or other that she _had_ to be doing. Honestly, it unnerved her a little considering how they'd left things the last time they met.

Which was why she was surprised to receive a call from Regina a few days after the whole event, asking if she'd like to take Henry for the coming weekend since she had a lot of town work and wedding preparations to settle.

Emma had mumbled a hesitant 'yes', earning an delighted 'great' from Regina before she hung up.

With that, she'd spent most of her time with the kid, or Mary Margaret who seemed determined to turn her into a life-sized barbie what with all the bridesmaids gowns she'd been forced to try or Ruby who'd been taking her out for drinks every now and then.

Henry usually slept the night at her place, and then she would drop him off at school the next morning and Regina picked him up when the day ended. The routine had worked well over the past two weeks and Emma was comfortable with how things were going.

Still she couldn't shake off the nagging sense that she should be doing something. She was trying to figure out what that was when she felt someone tap behind her.

She looked back and saw an older woman, possibly in her mid forties smiling kindly at her as she pointed at the people in front. "Line's moving hun."

Emma turned beet red. "Oh, sorry."

"That's alright."

They both shuffled ahead together.

"You look a little dazed there, is everything alright?"

Emma looked back and was half eager to tell the woman to mind her own business. But as she carefully took her in, there was a grace and sincerity to her that made Emma regret wanting to snap at her in the first place.

She sighed, shrugging as she answered, "just… family stuff I guess."

The woman let out a breathy laugh that made her feel a little bit better. "Family stuff can do that."

Emma's lips curved into a small smile as she kept walking, now paying careful attention to the line in front of her. "It just seems like… like you can know someone really well one minute and all of a sudden have no clue who they are the next. People should come with a freaking instruction manual."

The woman smiled at her, her auburn eyes showing a kind affection as she began pulling out her wallet.

"Maybe," she suggested, "they themselves never knew who they really were to begin with," she offered, pulling out a twenty note and then stuffing it into her pocket, "maybe, they needed time to figure themselves out, find out who they really were. It's not like that's particularly easy to do," she looked up and gave Emma a teasing grin, "and besides, if people came with instruction manuals, well that just takes all the fun out of getting to know them, don't it?"

Emma lowered her head, not sure what to make of what the woman just said.

_Maybe, Regina really did never knew herself to begin with… maybe that's why I had no idea how to really get her when we were married_, Emma pondered, not even realizing that she was being gently pushed ahead by her present company.

The woman saw how hard Emma seemed to be squinting into the ground and let out a low chuckle, "and plus, I think it's actually pretty amazing."

Emma looked up at her, wondering what she meant.

The woman raised her shoulders a little, "most of us get stuck to be the same person the rest of our lives," she continues, "if there's someone made an effort to be different, and hopefully into someone better, it's sort of like fate giving you a chance to get to know them all over again, you know? Maybe not as a whole a fresh start but it at least gives everyone a fresh perspective."

There were only four more people before it was Emma's turn.

_To get to know each other again_, Emma thought hard.

Three people.

_A chance to start fresh_, Emma repeated in her head.

Two.

_Maybe, I can… try to understand her again… and this time she'll let me_…

One.

Emma's head shot up and spun to the woman next to her.

"Thank you," Emma breathed out.

"What for hun?"

"I think you just helped me figure out something important." With that, Emma darted off in the direction of the Mayor's office.

The woman she left behind smiled softly behind her, pulling out her twenty note and moving ahead since it was her turn.

"So what'll it be, miss?"

"Can I get a large cappuccino with extra sugar, please."

The waiter smiled at her. "And who do I make it out to?"

She gave him her best grin, "Katia."


	9. Date

**I want love to be simple. I want to trust without thinking. I want to be generous with my affection and patience and love unconditionally. It is easier to love a person with their flaws than to weed through them. I want to love the whole person, not parts; and this is how I want to be loved.**

—Jewel Kilcher

* * *

Emma Swan burst through the mayor's office, ignoring the desperate, pointless cries of her damned secretary (something about making an appointment or such) as she barged in, ablaze with purpose.

Regina had looked up at her in surprise, her hand holding a phone to her ear, and her mouth slightly agape towards her unexpected visitor.

Emma stood belligerently, her body poised in such a way that reminded Regina of a general before battle.

"I'll-" Regain began haplessly, "call you back…" she muttered into the phone before hanging up.

"Miss-" She began, Emma's presence in her office stunning her to the point where for a brief second, she completely forgot if she should address her in her Mayor persona or as Regina. She swallowed, "Emma, what's wrong? Did something happen to Henry?"

Emma stared down at her, her gaze holding Regina with such intensity that it made her nervous. Like a prey for its kill.

The fiery blonde stood there in her white knitted sweater, her neck wrapped in a purple patterned scarf and her hair pulled up into a ponytail, accentuating that long creamy neck of hers. Her hands were pushed into the back pockets of her black jeans that deliciously clung to her thighs, while laced up boots that went just above her ankles seemed firmly rooted into their spots.

Regina parted her lips and began to stand up.

"SIT!"

The command shocked her so much that she sat back down immediately with obedience.

But then the Mayor personality kicked in and Regina narrowed her eyes.

"Miss Swan if you think that-"

Emma ignored her as she approached the mahogany desk, like a woman on a mission, and pressed her palms into the desk.

Regina shut up and Emma rejoiced internally. She was far more nervous than she appeared and having the authoritarian mayor respond to her with a mere look was giving her the boost of confidence she needed.

She looked at the mayor up and down. She was back to the appearance Emma was familiar with – a power suit consisting of a dark green, silk blouse, grey pencil skirt and a matching blazer, full lips highlighted with a plum shaded lipstick, and eyes perfectly underlined with dark eyeliner and lashes that acted like curtains for eyes you could quite literally drown yourself in.

If Emma was aware that she licked her bottom lip as she ogled at the mayor, she certainly didn't show it.

Regina's eyes bulged into the size of tennis balls.

_Tongue!_ was all her brain could manage.

"Em-"

"Date," Emma interrupted. Again.

Regina blinked at her. "Excuse me?"

"Date," Emma repeated, her mouth frowning and her eyes narrowing like she just had to explain why zero was an indivisible number to a child.

"It's," Regina started in confusion, "the 18th of September…"

Emma groaned in frustration. "No, I mean… date… you and me… we should… go… on a date…" she began to mumble until words apparently lost all vowels and enunciations.

Regina froze in her seat, her ears straining to listen and her heart not daring to hope.

"We never… really dated when we first met… I mean I showed up… asked to see Henry and you made it your life mission to run me out of town and then we… we started… sleeping together and then we talked about Henry and if I wanted to be a part of his life for good. And, we had dinners and everything but we always focused on Henry. We never… talked about each other much and… and then we went to marriage and we had more dinners and stuff but we never did the real dating bit and – stop looking at me like that," Emma pouted.

Despite Emma's plea, Regina couldn't help the grin that was reaching up to her ears, her honey brown eyes filled with such light that Emma felt as if she'd just been stunned with a Taser.

"I mean," Emma continued uneasily, "I don't know how this works _the right way_ and… and I'm still so mad at you for… everything but… but I came back and you really are different and… and I'd want to… try to get to know you again… to… I think we deserve a real shot…"

Yes, Emma had been unable to get the mayor out of her head more than she cared to admit. It wasn't just the changes in personality but it was how she _felt_ around the brunette too. That morning when she woke up in Regina's arms, she had felt safe. Truly safe. Something she had never felt with anyone before. In the past when Regina held her as they slept, the brunette latched on to her more like she was trying to possess her. Her entire being had constantly protested to how Regina took hold of her like a prisoner with a leash rather than a woman she loved. Emma had tried to ignore it but the apprehension never truly went away.

That morning though, there was nothing more than a gentle desire to hold her, to wipe her tears away, and to protect her until she felt that all the nightmares of her past no longer haunted her. She felt so unconditionally loved that she nearly burst into tears as she laid in her arms.

And Emma had been aching for that from the moment she snuck out of the house.

"So yeah," Emma tried to regain some form of dignity as she spoke louder, "date."

Regina, still smiling like a fool, pushed her lips together, trying to contain the excitement bubbling from her chest and radiating through her entire being. Finally, she managed to speak.

"Okay," her voice was lighter than Emma had ever heard it before, "how about this Friday then?"

Emma nodded, her cheeks blushing a little as she stood up and fidgeted her fingers. "Friday," she acknowledged.

"I'll call you?" Regina asked quietly, her voice quiet and filled with hope.

Emma nodded.

"Good. I'll see you Friday."

And then Emma turned and was about to leave. But she stilled in her movements and Regina could see her muscles tensing underneath those clothes.

Regina waited, fear gripping at her heart thinking maybe Emma had changed her mind. Maybe she doesn't want anything to do with Regina ever again. At least not romantically.

"If you… don't feel comfortable…" Regina choked, trying to keep the tears at bay.

In a blur of white and gold, Emma quickly walked around the desk until she reached the brunette, leaned down and quickly pulled her into a hug, allowing that brief moment of absolute intimacy.

Regina sat dumbly, her lungs being filled with that scent that was so utterly Emma as blonde hair mixed with black. Emma on the other hand breathed deeply, like a skydiver before they jumped off a plane, 3,500 feet off the ground.

"I-" she began quietly, "I never really stopped you know?"

With that she disappeared, leaving Regina dazed, terrified, stupefied, and absolutely bursting with undulated happiness.

Ten minutes later, Mary Margaret and Ruby each received a text from Emma and Regina, both asking them to immediately come over to help pick out something to wear.

* * *

**Cuteness overload coming up :) But serious matters will also be looked into. **

**Angst and drama have not all been avoided unfortunately. **


	10. Closet Confusions and Predate

It was a good four days before the actual date but Regina was still going out of her mind, trying to find the _perfect_ outfit.

But it wasn't going exactly well.

_Too formal_, she thought as she tossed an item aside.

_Too suggestive_, she panicked, suddenly imagining Emma staring at her incredulously if she wore such an ensemble.

_Too revealing_, she shuddered, not even paying it a second thought as it flew over her shoulder.

One after another, the unfortunate, rejected attires landed with a light flump on the rising mountain of blazers, t-shirts and pants. All Ruby could see was one designer brand after another being carelessly tossed out of the mayor's large dressing room, while she sat outside with her long legs crossed, her hands intertwined to the side with her eyebrows raised.

It was taking all of Ruby's strength to not stand up and pull the Mayor down into a firm bear hug to keep her still.

"Regina," she called out tentatively but heard no response.

Finally, the tall vision in red stood up up and carefully peered into the closet, making sure she was out of the line of fire.

She held in her laugh when she saw the Latina on all fours, half buried in the closet in the far end of the room with only her fine behind visible to the world.

"Regina?" She said again more loudly.

Her voice shocked the mayor enough into quickly standing up, causing her head to make a loud impact with the shelf above her.

Ruby grimaced on her behalf. "Owww, that's gotta hurt."

Regina turned to look at her, repressing a groan as she gave her a dangerous glare but Ruby maintained her smile.

"Regina," she says again, her voice softer, "you know that this is just a date, right? You've been on those before, haven't you?"

"Not in _years_!" Regina hissed, her panic rising again as she stood up, her hand gently nursing the growing lump on her skull.

"Well, do you know what you want to do? Knowing where you're going is a good start to figure out what dress code would be appropriate."

Regina's face visibly paled.

"I-I don't know… I hadn't… oh god," the Mayor took two steps back and stumbled onto a wide chair behind her. "I don't know where to go… where would Emma like? Maybe a restaurant? A movie? Or those mini-golf places? Couples always go there in movies."

Ruby quickly strode towards her, kneeling in front of the smaller, flustered woman and took her hands in a calming gesture, "Regina you have to calm down. This is just a date. Just one simple date."

"A date with _Emma_," she emphasized.

"Yes, I know," Ruby nodded, "and she'll be just as nervous as you are so for Christ's sake woman, _calm the fuck down_."

Regina froze. _Ruby and her sailor mouth_, she mused. Her methods were crude but they always seemed to work especially since few dared to use such language in front of her. She nodded wordlessly but still slumped her shoulders, staring emptily into the space in front of her.

"I just…" Regina whispers, "I _really_ don't want to mess this up."

"And you won't," Ruby firmly pointed out, her thumbs rubbing small circles on Regina's hands as she tried to settle her worries.

It was astonishing how far Ruby's friendship with Regina had come in just a few short months, the younger woman mused. She quickly recalled how it all began on New Year's night. Her grandmother had forced her prisoner-by-blood to drop by the Mayor's house to hand her a New Year's cupcake. Ruby stared at the small, plump woman like she grew a third head, like she does every year when her grandmother makes her take cupcakes to every house in the town. A promise to pay her an extra couple of hundreds once the task was done was what won her over in the end.

Admittedly, she had marched to the mayor's mansion grudgingly with the doggy bag in her hand and her other hand buried deeply in her coat. She should've been out with her friends, not delivering to Satan's right hand woman. With that in mind, she rode up to the door and began knocking.

No answer.

She tried the doorbell.

No answer.

She was about to turn and leave without so much of a second thought when she felt something stir from inside the house. Something felt wrong.

What most people didn't realize about Ruby was that she had excellent instincts. Especially when someone was in trouble. She'd no idea where it came from by her grandmother used to say that her mother had the same gift. They both picked up on things that went right over other people's heads. It was one of the few things she had of her parents that listening to these instincts without compromise began an unspoken rule for the waitress.

With her gut telling her not to leave, Ruby turned the knob, frowning when found that the door unlocked. She thought the mayor would keep herself better protected than that. She slowly crept inside the house, being careful not to create too much of a disturbance.

"Hello?" she called out, slowly shutting the door behind her. She was surprised to find how ordinary the mayor's house looked from the inside. Ruby had always pictured something along the lines of dungeons and dragons.

A quick scan told her no one was downstairs.

Her eyes fell on the tall stairs and she hesitantly walked up.

"Madam Mayor?" She tried again.

She heard a low sob come from one of the rooms and followed the sound. The door was slightly ajar and she didn't ask for an invitation this time. She just pushed the door and stepped in.

The sight she found shocked her.

The mayor was curled into the corner of the room, her face brimming with tears, her usually perfectly styled hair falling haphazardly over her eyes and her hands pressed against her ears, like a frightened child trying to block out a thunderstorm.

"Make it stop, make it stop," she muttered repeatedly. From the corner of her eye, Ruby noticed several empty bottles of wine with a glass placed at the edge of the side table, looking like it might fall off soon.

Ruby had no idea what the mayor was talking about until she heard from a distance, the loud reverberating boom of Storybrooke fireworks. As soon as the loud rumble reached the house, Regina froze, trying to push herself deeper into the walls.

"Please, stop it… just stop it…"

The waitress realized the mayor didn't even know she was there. Setting the bag down on the floor, Ruby slowly walked towards the frightened woman and knelt down.

"M-madam mayor?"

Regina still didn't open her eyes.

Ruby didn't think afterwards. She just moved closer to the woman and slowly pulled her into a hug.

_God, she's shaking_…

Finally, Regina seemed to comprehend the reality of her situation when she realized someone was holding her. But she didn't dare move. Too frightened to hide from someone and too worn down to jump into her mayor facade, Regina allowed her soul to receive this small piece of comfort.

"It's okay," Ruby whispered gently, "it's okay…"

Regina slammed her eyes shut again as she buried herself into Ruby's surprisingly warm embrace.

Tired beyond comprehension, she made a quiet confession, "it's my first one…"

Ruby struggled to listen, "Madam Mayor?"

The title earned a weak but soft laugh. "It's my first new year's alone… not since I got Henry…."

The truth hit her like a ton of bricks. Yes, she'd heard from Mary Margaret that Henry had stayed behind in Boston with Emma. And Henry had been in Regina's life for the past ten years. And the last three years was spent with Emma too. Now, the mayor had no one.

It was her first New Year's alone without her family in over ten years. And, she had to welcome it alone.

Ruby's hold on her tightened. The next day, she went to Emma's herself to pick up Henry, fully aware that Regina was in no shape to drive alone. Regina herself just nodded weakly when Ruby offered to pick up her son.

From then on, it became a ritual for her to personally drop off the mayor's lunch at her office, to stay behind and talk to her for a bit despite the mayor's meek protests and slight resentment of the sympathy act until Ruby glared at her and barked out, "Regina, just shut up and accept my help. I'm your friend dammit, so zip it."

That was the first time anyone of the townsfolk referred to her by her first name. And the first time anyone told her to shut up.

There was no getting rid of her after that.

Ruby pulled away slightly and brushed Regina's dark hair out of her eyes. Everyone had been wary of her growing friendship with the mayor, warning her of how their evil dictator might have just been using her as a rebound what with Emma leaving and all. She smiled at their ignorance and thanked them for their two cents but never paid any attention beyond that.

It slowly became obvious that being around Regina had been beneficial for her too. When she criticized herself, saying she wasn't smart enough to achieve all the things she wanted to do, the mayor glared at her warningly and growled out something along the lines of "think that way about yourself again and I will personally see to it that you get stuck with the night shifts at the sheriff's department until you see just how capable you are."

And so, Regina took her under her wing as well, teaching her about politics, about the world, about how to _see _people and how to be clever yet subtle about it so that she wouldn't abuse her skills of observation. Regina's new mantra became "truly clever people know how to make people love or respect them for the _right _reasons without ever letting their personal issues affect who they are and how they think."

With that, Ruby's sense of style improved, her character evolved, and her intelligence grew sharper. And Granny loved Regina for it.

Which was why, Leroy was banned from the diner for two weeks when he cussed the mayor in her presence and also why the old woman even considered the idea of catering Regina's proposed dishes for Mary Margaret's wedding.

"Why don't you call Emma later to meet up for coffee tomorrow?" Ruby suggested, "think of it as a predate. Talk to her so you two can sort of, lay the ground rules, know where both of you are coming from and what expectations you have. Not for a full-fledged relationship just yet of course but, just a starting point. It wouldn't do you either of you any good if you were both at the starting lines of two different races with different finishing points."

Regina chuckled at her perfect metaphor.

"Thank you, Ruby," the mayor whispered, taking her hand and gently squeezing it, "you truly are a good friend."

Ruby revealed her trademark smirk. "Oh please, I'm the big bad wolf no one wants to mess with."

Regina couldn't supress the laugh that erupted from her throat.

Meanwhile at Mary Margaret's house…

"WHAT THE HELL DO I WEAR?!"

Mary Margaret winced slightly as she watched her blonde friend turn the rented room into what resembled a field of destruction after a tornado passed through it.

The sight made the schoolteacher hazily glad that Emma hadn't chosen to stay at her apartment. With her own wedding mess scattered everywhere at her place, this wouldn't exactly have made things peaceful between the pair.

"Emma, maybe you should just calm down-" she didn't get the chance to finish.

"Calm down?!" Emma half roared, half squealed, "my ex-wife is taking me out on a date, our first actual date in… four YEARS of knowing each other! I can't calm down!"

Mary Margaret slumped into her seat. This wasn't going too well.

Emma's mind was a haze of jumbled thoughts and feelings. She was excited to be going out on this date with Regina she really was, yet also completely scared of what might happen. The two always had a way of bringing out the worst in each other, never the best. Even then, the best of who they were revolved around their son, which wasn't exactly the recipe for a healthy marriage. She wanted to believe in Regina, she really did. But yet a part of her was holding back.

She grumbled to herself, wondering what on earth was truly bothering her when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket.

She slid her phone open and saw that she received a text from the devil herself.

_Hi Emma,_

_I think maybe we rushed too far_

_ahead into this date, at least too_

_quickly. I'm not saying I don't want_

_to go on this date with you because_

_I really, really do._

Emma couldn't stop the smile forming on her face at the second 'really'. She kept reading.

_I just want to make sure that I don't_

_do anything that makes you uncomfortable_

_or we both do something that ends_

_up misleading the other. Perhaps_

_that's too much pressure for a first date?_

_Lol._

_So, anyway, if you'd like to meet up_

_with me tomorrow, to just understand_

_each other a little bit before we continue_

_on with this, meet me at Granny's diner_

_at 1.00 PM tomorrow if you can._

_L,_

_R._

The second she finished reading the message, Emma realized that Regina had picked up her fears from miles away. And it made her heart clench and soar all at once.

Regina didn't want to scare her.

Regina didn't want to do anything that made Emma feel uncomfortable.

Regina _really_ wanted things to start off on the right foot between them.

Emma was still taking some getting used to with this _new_ Regina. She was used to the dominating, difficult and at times downright cruel side of the Mayor that seeing this far more tender, kind and caring woman from within was downright terrifying.

In the past, every time her and Regina tried to do something new or different together, something (that Regina considered) would go wrong and the rest of the night or even week was ruined. And somehow it was always Emma's fault. The blonde had grown used to expecting Regina's criticisms and blatant disregard for her own feelings that seeing Regina take such steps to make sure Emma was _okay_ with everything was making her suffocate and float all at once. She felt like a submariner who'd been living underwater in a pressured cabin for months and is now only learning to breathe above ground again.

She wanted to trust Regina but there was too much history and too many old hurts they'd inflicted on each other that couldn't just be washed off to start anew. Emma herself knew that she still carried the weight of what happened. Why else would she have been hesitating to fully jump headfirst their date?

Sighing and smiling all at once, she quickly texted back.

Ruby and Regina were sitting around the dining table, drinking wine and entering a heated discussion regarding the horrors of Mitt Romney when they both heard a familiar _ding._

Regina leaped across the table to reach for her phone, which was charging at the side of the wall.

When she saw what the reply was, her face beamed with excitement.

"So," Ruby sly asked, "what'd she say?"

Regina turned towards her and held the screen in the air.

It said;

_Can't wait._

_X,_

_E._

* * *

**I am so exhausted but I really wanted to get this chapter up. I hadn't gone through the editing too thoroughly so I apologise for grammar/spelling errors but before things got hectic again I wanted to leave everyone with a little bit of where things are heading.**

**I am a firm believer that if someone truly changes who they are, and truly takes responsibility for their past actions, the **_**right**_** people will respond to these changes.**

**My experience has shown me that past mistakes matter but what's more important is to have the courage and humility to **_**really**_** own up to it and when you do, people take notice. After all, how can they keep holding you responsible for something you've already ensured with every fibre of your being to not make such a mistake again?**

**But again, maybe I'm not making sense. Gah. Need to sleep. Have work in four hours :(**

**Lemme know if the flow of this chapter wasn't too good.**

**Hope this was a good chapter for everyone.**

**Good night.**

**P.S. warning reminder. We have good moments coming up and good moments going on too but remember, Regina has seriously scarred Emma. Emma's running on the excitement and joy of what she's seeing now and not truly dealing with the anger she's subconsciously holding on to. And Regina, well we'll see that Emma's done her fair share of hurting the mayor too. So right now, both parties are just 'excited' but not really delving into the source of their problems yet. So future angst, anger, and explosions are not avoided.**


	11. Can I Get Roses?

The idea of meeting up for coffee seemed simple enough.

That was, until the foreboding hands on the clock hung on the opposite wall of the entrance into Granny's Diner slowly ticked away, bringing 1 PM dangerously close.

Emma sat nervously in her chosen booth. Her navy blue scarf began to itch around her neck and she kept pulling at the sleeves of her aqua green pullover sweater. Her chosen hot coca with cinnamon was growing cooler and cooler in her palms but she paid no mind. She was too anxious over what might or might not happen. Her mind was so tangled in their jumbled thoughts and emotions that she barely slept throughout the night, waking up every few hours to see what time it was on her phone and then freeze when she realized the hour of reckoning was drawing close.

Yet, she was undoubtedly warmed by Regina's message. It was obvious to anybody who truly cared to see that Regina was trying to do the right thing, something from experience, Emma knew was extremely difficult for her. But at the same time it brought unanswered questions.

Could she truly trust Regina?

What did Regina want?

Why should she trust Regina ever again?

Could she forgive Regina?

And more importantly, what did _she, _Emma, actually want?

The possibility of Regina changing was a small hope she held out over the years but a drastic change and a sudden one nonetheless was something she was completely blindsided with. You couldn't just rewrite the past after all. Their history had been written in stone and this wasn't a case where the powerful governments could twist facts and fictions into what suited their position of authority with the minority being none the wiser. No, the actors of this particular play all knew every truth of what happened in their marriage including the behind the scene features.

Emma groaned, having no idea what to think when her ears perked up to familiar stiletto clicks on the tile floors.

It took all of two seconds for the mayor to find her blonde target. Once her eyes fell on Emma, a relieved smile filled her cheeks, reaching all the way into her eyes.

Emma couldn't help it. Regina was being adorable. She seemed nervous and giddy all at once as she came closer to their booth. Emma was instantly reminded of a teenage couple with the boy being all tongue-tied and awkward when he was in the presence of his crush.

It helped Emma's nerves ease a little when she realized she hadn't quite counted on Regina still being the new Regina once they were alone. _Chalk it up to trust issues_, she reasoned.

Regina held a leather office briefcase in her palm, and from her attire, it was obvious that she just came from work. Still, there was a casualness in her movements that made Emma's slightly rejoice. A small part of the bounty hunter's mind pulled out the 300 page file on 'how to deal with Regina', mentally flipping to a page bookmarked with the message 'never ever get on Regina's nerves when she just stepped out of work. One is likely to be killed.' The vast contrast of what she'd seen then and what she was seeing now allowed her shoulders to relax a little.

"You're early," Regina said as she shrugged off her coat. There was a gentle playfulness to her voice that Emma lightly smirked at.

"Yes, I know," Emma leaned back, "shocking isn't it?"

"Not really," Regina responded and immediately looked like she regretted it. Her eyes darted away from Emma and raised an arm towards Ruby in both greeting and request for her usual.

Emma frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Regina bit her lower lip, wondering if she vocalize the thought that just went through her head. Seeing Emma stare at her expectantly, she slowly exhaled and continued, "you're only late when you're not looking forward to something or you're about to do something that you know would upset you," she explained quietly, "from how your text response yesterday I figured it wasn't either…"

Emma sat very still for a moment, looking down at her cold drink.

"I- never noticed," she whispered.

Regina on her part, offered a nervous chuckle, "I didn't either until a few months after you…"

The air suddenly hung very heavy around them. Ruby who quickly picked up on the mood, soon came by with Regina's routine drink and eyed at the mayor both encouragingly and scoldingly, shrugging her shoulder not too subtly towards the taller woman who sat across her before she left.

Regina sighed and leaned her head back against the cushioned seat. "Well, this is going well, isn't it?"

"I would say it was," Emma answered truthfully, "usually we'd be throwing acid at each other by now. I'm surprised we're still just sitting calmly across each other."

Regina allowed her eyes to drift over Emma's face, pleased to see the honesty she saw. Emma noticed Regina's calm gaze and curled the side of her lip into an awkward smile before she chose to sip on some (blah) cold coca in an attempt to look at anything other than her ex.

"Look," Regina starts, her voice serious and gentle all at once, "I don't… I don't really know what to do here to be quite honest."

Emma grinned at her despite herself, "reaaaally? Regina Mills doesn't know what she's doing? SOMEONE ALERT THE MIRROR!"

She felt a light tap on her boot from underneath the table and was all too pleased to see how easily the mayor took the teasing. Still, Emma settled into herself when she truly noticed the sombre look in the mayor's eyes.

"All I mean is, I mean," Regina sighed, _trust me to lose my power of speech now_, "I know that I've done a lot of things wrong by you," she huffed at herself, "a lot of things actually… and I can never take back those mistakes," she continued, "and I also really do know that I have hurt you. I can't give you excuses and I won't," she states firmly at Emma, looking at her straight in the eyes as she swallowed reflexively. "I never did tell you about… my parents or my life before Henry, did I?"

Emma shook her head a little too firmly. The subject of Regina's past was always one they entered massive debates over. When the brunette squared her shoulders and all but stomped her foot to cease the conversation, Emma gave up all together on ever asking questions about Regina's childhood.

"There were… a lot of things that went on in my upbringing that really, twisted me so to speak that I wasn't even _aware_ of. Things that I never truly accepted to have happened, let alone happened to me," Regina softly adds, "the years of denial and lack of understanding on what really want on just, and the unconscious resentment towards it all made it harder for me to truly connect with anyone." She looked up at Emma mildly, "let alone those I truly cared about."

Emma's back tensed at the gentle confession. This was far more than she'd ever hoped for and to have Regina offer it so freely, so completely, she was almost forgetting how to think all together.

"They're not excuses of course," Regina quickly clarified. "But, but if you like… I can… tell you about it… so you can… you can see that I do truly know what made me act the way I did and why I can now say it won't ever happen again."

"All I really want, is for a chance to let you see that what I did is _not_ a reflection on you… it had absolutely nothing to do with how much I cared for you as a person and as… my wife," she adds the last part guiltily, as if afraid that she had brought up a prize that she was no longer allowed to have, "I loved you to the best that I could I really did, and I just want you to know that… everything I did, it was just an echo of my own issues, and my own problems. I have no expectations whatsoever for our Friday meeting," Emma immediately caught on to Regina's refusal to use the word 'date', "if it's just friendship you want then I am more than happy to give that to you as well."

Her questions were suddenly answered.

She could trust Regina again, with time.

Regina just wanted Emma to know that she wasn't responsible for what happened to her. That it wasn't her fault.

She could trust Regina because she showing every possible sign of putting Emma above all else, even herself.

And maybe, maybe, she could learn to forgive Regina.

There was a short silence until Regina finally added, "whatever you want, I'll be happy to accept."

And what she wanted was to see all of who Regina was now.

Emma stared at her, wondering how she was going to process all this information. To be honest, she had expected this conversation to go completely backwards where both women were in denial of the past and would discuss more along the lines of what Henry had been up to or where they should go for Friday. Their resistance to reality was familiar. She teased the rim of her cup and leaned forward into the table, her arms sliding across until she was inches away from Regina's hand, which held her own mug.

The Mayor tensed, carefully watching Emma like a hawk as she made her move.

Emma's finger just lightly reached out, and left a feather touch against the Mayor's hand.

Both women grew stiff in their seats, puzzled on how to progress.

Emma had just wanted to see how her body would react. She knew it was unfair to put Regina through a test designed for herself but she had no idea on how else to pursue this. She realized that she'd been physically reacting to Regina in one of two ways; she either shied away from the woman, tensing, expecting her to hurt her or lunge at her like a bull, like she did on-

"I'm sorry," Emma quickly muttered when the truth hit her.

Regina was forced out of her thoughts, staring at Emma in confusion. "Beg your pardon?"

_Oh god that voice_, Emma mused. She forgot how low and sultry the timbers of Regina's voice could be at times.

"I'm sorry," Emma repeated again, redirecting her trail of thoughts as her index finger began unconsciously brushing up and down against the back of Regina's hand. "For what I did on… for pushing you against the wall that night… it wasn't…" she chocked on herself, she knew full well what it meant to be on the other end of someone who was getting physically violent. And to see herself reach that point, she felt utterly disgusted, "I'm sorry."

Regina gave her a small smile, her hand leaning into Emma's finger. "It's okay."

Emma's head shot up. _It wasn't okay_, she wanted to shout. But then what else could Regina say? 'You're forgiven'? That would only have enraged Emma. Who was she to forgive the blonde for one moment of destructive impulse when she herself had pulled it on her several times? Emma's lips tightened in confusion. So yes, 'okay' was the best response. For the first time, she noticed how careful Regina was being with her words. Another shot of warmth hit her heart, making her feel like she'd just stepped into a steamy, hot spring with her aching mind and body being rejuvenated to its fullest.

Emma hadn't realized that the edge of her hand was being fully pressed against Regina's now.

"Would I get roses?"

Regina blinked twice. "Come again?"

"If we," Emma spoke shyly, "if it was a date… would I get roses?"

It was stupid but she never got roses. Not like a real (_cliché_, she mentally scowled) date.

Regina had to enforce all her willpower to keep her emotions contained. Speeding ahead was something she did far too often at the risk of leaving everyone behind. And as the past has proven, it'd always hurt everyone including herself. So slowing herself down was an art she was still learning and required a lot more practice in perfecting.

She smiled slowly, "if it was a date, would you like roses?"

Emma blushed furiously and stared at the reflection of Regina's soft expression on the table. "I'd like roses," she mumbled.

She felt Regina's index finger brush against her palm this time.

"I'd get you roses if it was a date."

They both grinned at each other like teenagers. "Can it be a date then?"

Regina smiled like a lovestruck fool. "Okay," she said stupidly.

Emma looked up at her, sucking her lips in and pressing them into her teeth, with the edges of her mouth curling up into a smile. "Okay," she repeated.

From the kitchen, Ruby's breath had been hitching at every inch Regina and Emma's hands drew closer. And after her jaw safely unhinged itself and fell to the floor at their radiant smiles and saw idiotic grins on the two women she deeply cared about, she let out a silent gasp, placed both palms on her mouth and began jumping hysterically before she pulled at her scowling grandmother into a sudden hug.

"Calm yourself down, girl!" The Widow Lucas grumbled, whacking Ruby with a plastic, greasy spatula as she turned the bacon.

* * *

**To those of you who left such kind responses and replies to my last author's note. I can't even… wow… you're all so awesome :)**


	12. Snakes and Bouquets

"That's the thing about love—it's full of possibilities. It can lead you down so many different paths. Sure, for some of us, it can lead to sadness and regret. But, for others, well, for others it can lead them to the greatest future they could've ever hoped for. Love is the most possible thing in the world."

—Melissa Brown, _Champagne Toast_

* * *

Regina was having an amazing day, amazing enough that she'd even offered to buy Remy some coffee for her on way back to the office.

It was a simple brush of hands. A meek little gesture that said volumes on the trust they were beginning to rebuild between each other. Regina couldn't help the smile that kept invading her lips as she went over the budget reports while humming 'Burning Love' as she twirled in her seat.

"_Your kisses lift me higher_," Regina began singing softly, "_like the sweet song of a choir_," she couldn't help the little shoulder shake as her hips moved to the beat in her head on the chair, "_you light my morning sky, with burning love_."

"Well, someone's in a good mood."

And just like that, all good feelings dissipated in the air.

Regina turned to the door and her eyes fell on a slouching man who'd propped himself up on a cane, decorated with a golden hilt as he stepped in. He was wearing an elegant suit with a design that spoke of perfection but his eyes, his posture, his entire face in general gave way to someone who was more of a shark than man.

"Mr Gold," Regina greeted easily, the mask of a mayor quickly slid into her defence, "to what do I owe this visit?"

Gold's eyebrow raised in a sly quirk as he made himself comfortable in Regina's office. "My, my, haven't we redecorated," he spoke in false dejection, like a child missing his old toy, "I must say, black and white suited you better."

Yes, her office had gone from what she now described as a depressing, bad 40s film prop set to something that suited those who lived in the modern world. The cold, stale scent of marble and bleach was replaced with rich mahogany with walls redesigned to give the office a much more earthy feel to it. The only thing that truly stood out in the entire design scheme was a small cranberry red couch filled with pillows wrapped the covers filled with the Avengers. Henry's chair, as it was clearly inaugurated. A drastic change it was but Regina just walked in one day and thought 'what the hell did I ever see in this?'

Two weeks later, the transformation was done.

Gold let his cruel eyes scan the room, taking it in with an amused smile until they fell on the Mayor again. Then his smile grew as if he'd just seen a child trying to beat a bear with a stick. It reminded Regina too much of _her_ to not let it immediately get under her skin.

"Can't an old friend just drop by to say hello?"

Regina's smile never faltered. "That would reign true if we were indeed, _old friends_," the Mayor emphasised.

Gold chuckled condescendingly as he tapped his cane, "you disappoint me Mayor," he starts slowly, "I had however, hoped that with your recovery after your prior emotional breakdown, you'd be back to your old self and we can get on with our business."

Regina's eyes showed absolute loathing, her hands straining not to grip at her chair handles in disgust as she spoke, "our _business_ has not been needed for some time now Mr Gold and from our last meeting, I had mentioned that I would no longer be in need of your services."

"Aah dearie, that's where you're mistaken," he flashes another one of his carnivorous smiles as he stands up, "you will _always _be in need of my services."

With that, he turned and began hobbling his way to the door. It was astounding actually. How the weakest member of the herd could very well have been a snake in disguise.

"It has been floating around town on how _changed_ you are, Madam Mayor," Gold turned and allowed his honey filled voice to fill the room like poison, "it's too bad they don't know you like I do, isn't it?"

He bowed towards her both courteously and vulgarly before he stumbled out.

Regina was left frozen in her seat, stunned cold like someone just dropped a bucket of ice water on her. The chill in her spine didn't help ease the feeling.

Ethan Gold had been a necessary alliance when she took office, a bargain with the devil she didn't even know she was entering until after she officially took the title as the town mayor. While none of their _transactions_ have been anything but legal, the issue of ethics was a whole other matter. She ground her teeth dangerously and considered what was the best way to skin a snake.

But Katia's voice came in, reminding her that the best way to deal with Gold was to completely stop corresponding with him. Yet the fighter in Regina couldn't help but want to respond to his challenge. He had in his own way, questioned her authority, minimized her power and made her feel weak for who she was trying to become.

She sat back into her seat, warding off the 'darkness' as Katia described, entering her breathing exercises to calm her raging thoughts when her phone beeped at her side.

She picked it up and all anger immediately washed away.

'_So, what do I wear exactly?'_

It was Emma. Regina smiled, her body relaxing into the chair as she texted back.

'**I don't know dear. I'm not responsible for dressing you on a day-to-day basis. Perhaps your usual leather jacket, t-shirt, jeans and boots? It is your trademark after all.'**

The reply was instant.

'_Smart-ass. I meant for our date_.'

'**Ooh I'm sorry, I apologize for my error. Something simple and casual would suffice. I suggest nothing too formal.'**

'_Do I get any hints on where we're going?'_

'**Now, where's the fun in that?'**

'_The fun is for you not for me.'_

'**Guilty as charged :)'**

'_Not fair *pouts*'_

'**Naww, I'm sorry. I promise it'll be good. Just hold out for a few more days and all will be revealed.'**

'_Would I need to bring anything? Warm coats or the like?'_

'**A coat would be a good idea.'**

'_So it's an outdoors thing then_.'

'**You never know.'**

'_TELL ME REGINA!'_

Regina chuckled despite herself.

'**Patience my love, patience.'**

Regina stared hard at her phone. Did she just- _oh shit_. She slapped her palm against her forehead. It'd been such an instinctive response that she'd barely thought about it when she pressed send. She'd just referred to her ex-wife, the woman she abused, the woman she hurt, the woman _who wasn't ready_ as 'her love'.

_THE HELL WAS I THINKING?_ Regina moaned._ STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STU-_

DING.

Regina froze in mid panic. She stared at her phone like you would at a lit dynamite and slowly picked it up.

'_If I am truly your love, I should have unlimited access and privilege to the secrets of one Mayor Regina Mills.'_

She sighed in relief but she knew she could never make such a mistake again. Double-checking. Another habit she'd need to develop in her personal life.

'**In time you will but for Friday, I regret to notify you that your access has currently been denied**_**.'**_

'_Meanie_.'

Regina bit her lower lip. _She's so cute._

'**I act with the best intentions.'**

'_Make it a dozen roses now if you want to be forgiven for not telling me.'_

Regina smiled. She put down her personal cell and quickly picked up her office phone.

"Hello, Maurice? Yes, can I ask you to do something for me, please?"

* * *

Emma was sitting around in Mary Margaret's house, her blonde hair looking like the ruffled feathers of an irritated chicken as she scowled towards at the silence of her phone.

Why hadn't Regina texted her yet?

Mary Margaret, who'd been watching the entire scene from her dining table while Emma sulked deeper and deeper into the couch, could only let out a low giggle. Emma's homicidal stare silenced her immediately but the amusement in her eyes still beamed.

Emma's forehead wrinkled in confusion while her thumbs played with the screen on her phone.

_Maybe she's busy_, she reasoned, _she is the mayor after all_. It wasn't uncommon for Regina to just stop texting mid-conversation. It'd happened before in the past after all. Emma sighed, mentally scolding herself for getting so worked up over something as simple as a delayed response. She should've been used to this after all. She'd dealt with it for three years.

Her thoughts were immediately interrupted by the sound of a doorbell.

"I'll get it!" Emma shot up out of her seat, eager to do something other than ponder over Regina and scan through pages upon pages of wedding bands and their preferred style of romantic music.

When she opened the door, she stared agape at Maurice. Who was holding a bouquet of fresh, beautiful red roses that still held droplets of mild mildew on their petals. They were elegantly arranged with in a pear shape with a few other types of flowers added in for variety, wrapped in a light blue paper, with a thin gold ribbon neatly tied a several inches away from the bottom.

"Delivery for Miss Swan?" Maurice's voice rang with delight as he handed the flower to the stunned blonde.

"I-um, I-"

"Your welcome," the florist tucked off his hat and greeted with absolute sincerity before he walked down the hallway and disappeared.

A few seconds later, her phone buzzed. Emma popped her phone open and stared dumbfounded at the message.

'**Are they to your liking? Am I absolved of your displeasure now?'**

She held the roses tightly to her and felt her cheeks starting to hurt from smiling so much.

'_I-they're beautiful. Thank you_. _But I still withhold the right to forgive you.'_

It was a few minutes before she received another text.

'**I'll never stop trying.'**

Emma no longer stood on the floor. She had floated away in the air. A cloud that'd burst free from the weight of the water and flew to the heavens. A freedom she never knew she could possess filled her being as she sank into the couch, completely unaware that she'd even fell into the cushions.

She smiled, staring at the phone, holding it close to her chest as she did.

Finally she replied.

'_I'll see you Friday_.'

She sighed happily and took another long whiff at her first ever bouquet of roses.

If she'd heard Mary Margaret let out a long, loud 'nawwwwww' she certainly didn't show it.

* * *

**Aah Gold, how kind of you to join us as the dastardly villain in our little tale. We needed a twist somewhere guys. He seemed to be a good fit :)**

**And to all my wonderful readers, some who have shared their personal journeys and trials, and others who've simply been encouraging as I take story further, you are all so wonderful and so kind. I hope this story continues in a way that lives up to the harsh truth of certain circumstances yet hold on to the miracles that designed by human will and strength alone as one can make when they actually _try_.  
**

**You have all been so amazing and been such an inspiration for me to keep writing :)**

**Bless you all wherever you are!**


	13. Old Scars

"To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not erased by anyone but death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit. Why would I want them to?"

—Jeanette Winterson,_ Written on the Body_

* * *

Henry was in the comfort of his bed, watching YouTube video clips on his mother's laptop with his headphones neatly placed into his earholes. He was listening intently to the short three to five minute length clips on spoken word poetry.

It was something he fell into when he couldn't make sense of the world. Katia introduced it to him while he sat in her cabin, drinking warm Milo after he'd carefully chosen his preferred couch out of her multi-coloured loungers. He always felt welcome in the colours of that particular spot of the house. Like it was meant for anyone and anybody.

"Mom had to deal with something", Katia told him gently.

He didn't ask what it was and he didn't particularly want to know about adult things. Not anymore. Adult matters confused him he decided. If he could, he would change his name to Peter Pan, find Tinkerbelle and head towards the second star to the right and straight on 'til morning for Neverland.

But even at a tender age of ten he was introduced to the concept of 'reality'. It wasn't about growing up. It wasn't about losing faith in the world. It was simply learning to deal with things that you didn't have the power to change.

And he _hated _it.

He found release in books and in writing. He loved poetry. Miss Blanchard gave him that. He wrote things he couldn't understand and when he read over them, he realized a small part of him suddenly understood what he was feeling from the words that leapt off his angry, scribbled handwriting and told his mind what his heart was feeling.

It helped.

Even after things got better between him and his mom he kept at it, writing, always writing on things he was starting to understand or wanted to understand.

He came across a clip called 'Private Parts' by a woman named Sarah Kay. He didn't know who she was but he clicked on it and listened. To be honest it was the boy in him that made him click on such a proactive sounding title because ten was the age where you really learnt about kissing and love and the awkward thing people get naked and touch each other. He had a very vague idea of what went on when that happened but his fiery cheeks and stuttering thoughts always halted him for pursing any further knowledge.

But perhaps this woman, this Sarah Kay could help him understand that better.

He understood some parts. And some just pulled him deeper into the words of this person who spoke with a softness and openness without actually understanding what she meant.

But then her poetry came to an end and one part leapt at him. Bringing him a sudden revelation that helped him understand love and dating and all that better.

_Some nights I wake up knowing he is anxious, he is across the world in another woman's arms - the years have spread us like dandelion seeds - sanding down the edges of our jigsaw parts that used to only fit each other._

He played it again, this time focusing on the last part.

_The years have spread us like dandelion seeds - sanding down the edges of our jigsaw parts that used to only fit each other._

He could hear his mother jumping around in her room, talking to Ruby as she made the final arrangements for her special night, as Ruby had described.

"She's going on a date with Emma," the tall woman spoke slyly, ignoring Regina's threatening glare as she peered her head from the kitchen, preparing Henry's meal for the night before she left. Ruby would be babysitting him as usual when Regina wasn't able to be in the house but he didn't mind. Ruby talked to him like he wouldn't break, like Katia did and that made him feel better.

He didn't want to be treated like some porcelain doll, cracking at any sign of instability.

He frowned at the knowledge despite the fountain of joy that suddenly burst from his heart when he heard the news. Why would they stay away from each other from so long if they were just going to come back together anyway? He shrugged to himself, deciding to categorise it as yet another one of those adult things as he went to his own room and drowned himself in words and verses.

He looped it again.

_The years have spread us like dandelion seeds - sanding down the edges of our jigsaw parts that used to only fit each other._

_Maybe that's what happened_, he thought as he heard a low echo of his mother's voice again. _They lost each other. They used to fit but things changed and they didn't fit very well anymore. _

Even through the muffled walls and droned voices, he could hear the happiness in her voice lilting through the room like a warm ray of sunshine.

_And now,_ he pondered, _they were learning to fit again_.

* * *

_Regina Mills could be damn well sexy in anything_, Emma decided.

The beautiful Latina was standing at the door, holding out one single rose as she stood there looking absolutely charming. Her hair had that fluffed and tossed look Emma had become used to seeing outside of the office, with small golden earrings hidden underneath that luxurious hair. Her luscious pink lips was bursting in a large smile and her eyes and cheeks held makeup that served only to define her features in a soothing, open manner rather than as the mask it used to be.

She wore an black, knitted infinity scarf resting gently on her shoulders, a cotton white wool sweater stripped in beige and white colours with the sleeves pushed up to her elbows. She wore bleached jeans that hugged her curves perfectly while wearing ankle boots that gave her those extra inches needed to be on Emma's eye level.

Emma pouted. _Causal she said. How does she make casual look good?_

Emma on the other hand opted for something a little more… more. She had her hair flowing loosely on her back, wore a large, way oversized black sweater sewn with thin patterns of stripped, dark shades of red, purple and gold, a hooded jacket with a black leather vest and grey fleece sleeves that hugged her tightly around her arms and denim jeans with black converse to complete the look.

She felt both over and underdressed all at once.

Regina didn't seem to care.

"You look beautiful," she said as she handed her the rose.

Emma blushed at her compliment. "Thanks," she fidgeted, taking the flower in confusion. "But you already got me roses."

"You asked for roses on a _date_," Regina reminded. "That wasn't date roses, this is a date rose."

"Oh," Emma said dumbly.

"Are you ready to go?" Regina asked kindly, stepping aside as she motioned her arm to the hallway almost like a gentleman caller.

Emma smiled, "yeah, I'm ready. Do I get to know where I'm going yet?"

Regina grinned innocently at her, "nope."

The drive took longer than Emma had anticipated. She had expected things to be tense and uncomfortable between the two but as Regina guided her car down the highway, she put on a radio to a low volume on a random channel, allowing the silence to be filled with something at least until she started asking Emma the most mundane questions. But Regina seemed to be excited over every answer Emma offered.

What was her favourite weather? What did she prefer, take out or home food? Pizza or garlic bread? What was her favourite drink? Who did she think was going to win the Oscars?

And Emma's favourite question so far; if she had to die in an apocalypse, would she prefer an alien invasion or a zombie virus breakout?

Her answer lead into a good, twenty-minute debate over which was more preferred.

"You don't know what aliens look like!" Emma argued, "what if they have those weird tentacles that suck out your brain our have weird mouths that chose to rip out your guts than eat you like a normal animal."

"Yes, but if it was an alien invasion at least we were wiped out for a purpose," Regina reasoned, "if it was zombies we'd be our own demise. We destroyed ourselves and if humanity had to go, I'd rather we went for a reason."

"That's just insane!"

It was the best conversation Emma had ever had.

She'd been getting so into it that she didn't even realize Regina pull the car to a stop. When she looked ahead, she couldn't believe what she saw.

Dazzling roller coasters ascended like mountains into the sky, a large Ferris wheel decorated the scene to perfection while hoards of mobs could be seen on the ground. Emma noticed the flickering lights that filled the air, leaving a golden hue on the skyline.

"An amusement park?"

Regina watched her face carefully. "Didn't you say once that you'd never been to one before?"

Emma's head snapped towards the mayor. Yes, years ago, they'd watched the Disney animation; Pinocchio with Henry and when the scene with Treasure Island came up, Emma had made an offhanded comment on how she'd never been to an actual theme park before. She'd made it, remembering that she'd never had a hallmark family moment where she joined hands with her father, as her chubby little baby cheeks munched on the sickeningly sweet cotton candy while her mom watched over her the way a mother bear does her cubs. For one brief moment, she wished she had a _real_ childhood memory.

Regina's face fell. "You don't like it? We can go back if you-"

Emma took Regina's hand in hers and squeezed encouragingly. She felt tears in the corner of her eyes and had to summon all her will to force back the choking sensation in her oesophagus. "Thank you."

Two simple words. That's all it was. Yet Regina's eyes went back to their kind gaze. She flipped her hand over and allowed Emma's fingers to intertwine with hers.

"Would you like to go in?"

Emma nodded her head so hard she thought it would fall off. "Absolutely."

It was a strange sensation. Emma was there with hundreds of strangers packed in an environment she'd never been before but as she gently tugged Regina's hand in hers (so as to not lose her in the crowd, she told herself), a little part of her felt like she was exactly where she belonged in that exact moment of her life. She kept pulling Regina into different stands, pointing at what were probably unsanitary, fried foods and Regina didn't wait for her to ask. She pulled out her wallet and bought two of each, chewing slowly as they walked.

"You'd eat that?" Emma asked, shocked. After all she knew full well, Regina's so called evolved need for a better diet.

Regina just smirked at her and took a bite out of the corn dog in her hand.

Laster, Emma saw a water shooting game and challenged Regina to it. The mayor laughed and said "you're on". Regina had won by a mere second but when she was handed a large alligator that was probably worth less than the money they paid to play the actual game, Regina held it out nervously to Emma.

Emma blushed and took the plush, which she then dubbed 'Gator' (because the length of her imagination was extensive). Once her new gift was safely tucked in her arms, she took Regina's hand again and kept looking for more things.

It wasn't until they came to the roller coaster that Regina visibly paled.

"Regina, are you alright?" Emma asked.

She saw the lump in Regina's throat as the brunette stared hard at the ride, her eyes following the multiple cars zooming in what she deemed, satanic speed, as the passengers' retreating and returning screams filled the air. She unconsciously gripped tighter at Emma's hand.

"I-I'm fine, do you want to go on?"

Emma stared at her, "we don't have to if you don't want to."

The brunette's jaw tightened a little. "Well, I don't know if I don't want to but I've never tried it before so… maybe just once?"

Emma hesitated but Regina had that soft resolve that made her want to give the mayor the power to decide. "Okay."

Fifteen minutes later Regina swore she would never get on again.

"I knew we shouldn't have gone on," Emma muttered. She herself _loved_ it but from the dazed, frightened and slightly sick look on Regina's face, she knew the Mayor's feelings were a little more reserved.

Regina had been leaning over a wall until she looked back at Emma, her eyeliner slightly smudged from that unnatural speed.

"Well," she offers, "at least it's one thing I can scratch off my bucket list."

Emma blinked at her, "you have a bucket list?"

Regina smiled and nodded. "Oh yes, maybe I'll even show it to you one day."

Emma couldn't deny that her curiosity was definitely intrigued.

The continued to walk, this time, Regina's hand held onto Emma's elbow until the crowd began pushing them in further, making Emma instinctively take the hand that gripped on her and wrap it all the way underneath her arm until they were truly connected.

Regina's eyebrows raised a little, surprised at the gesture but she couldn't help the amount of love she felt in that moment. Using the crowd as an excuse, she snuggled in closer to Emma.

Two hours or so later, Regina checked her watch.

"We still have some time. Do you watch to catch a movie?"

Emma glanced back at her, a hot dog half in her mouth as she answered, "it'd take us a while to get back. Would we catch any late night sessions?"

Regina gave her such a mischievous grin that Emma felt a little scared for her life.

"I didn't mean the theatre in Storybrooke."

* * *

"Two tickets for the Breakfast at Tiffany's please," Regina requested as she again, pulled out her wallet.

"You know, you don't have to keep paying for me," Emma muttered, suddenly realizing just how much the Mayor had spent on her for the night already.

"Nonsense, I asked you out on the date, didn't I?"

"Under my rather boisterous encouragement," Emma retorted.

Regina let out a low, cheerful laugh that Emma immediately knew she wanted to hear again. She bit her lower lip as she snuggled closer into the mayor, trying not to get pushed by the teenagers who were forcing their way into the open-air cinema.

"Maybe but I'd still like to take you out tonight, so please don't feel guilty over anything, alright?"

Regina said it so kindly that Emma could do nothing but nod.

Once they were in, the movie reels has already started but the crowd was surprisingly not as crowded as Emma had expected it to be.

_Their loss_, she decided.

Regina guided them to a comfortable patch of grass, her hand holding a few blankets for the pair as she flicked it out and straightened it on the green soil. Emma helped straighten it a little bit until she sat down with Regina.

She saw a yellow taxi coming up on Fifth Avenue in New York City on the screen when she realized, _now what?_

People came to the movies to snuggle under the pretence of watching a film. Before, she had a reasonably valid excuse of not wanting to lose Regina in the throng of people, which is why she held onto the mayor for dear life.

But now, without the crowd, without anything in their way, if she reached over to Regina now and leaned into her shoulder, it will be entirely because she wanted to. Because she wanted that comfort. That physical intimacy.

She was still contemplating on what to do when a hand suddenly brushed against her chin.

A sudden memory invaded her mind and she brutally slapped the hand away. When her mind finally cleared, she was staring at Regina who was looking back at her with absolute shock, her hand halfway in the air. Emma suddenly realized that her own face was contorted in an angry glare.

"Y-you just had," Regina stuttered, pointing at her own chin, "something on your…"

"O-oh," Emma said weakly as she quickly wiped at the side of her jaw.

The movie continued but Emma was no longer paying attention. From the corner of her eye, she could see how Regina's hand strained against the knees that were folded under her chin. She was glaring intently at the movie, as if she'd been absolutely absorbed into the plot but Emma knew better.

She didn't mean to. The hand had just- caught her off guard, was all. She wasn't afraid of Regina. Not like she used to be. It was just a defensive reflex.

She tried inching over to the brunette, her hand slowly creeping to Regina's foot to gently brush against her now bare feet when they suddenly pulled away. Emma finally had the courage to look at her date. Who suddenly looked so broken Emma had no idea what to do.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and just turned back to the movie.

When the movie finished, Regina offered a small smile, asking Emma if she enjoyed it. She added that she felt as if maybe Holly was a little too full of herself in the entire movie. Emma barely knew what happened but offered a slow nod as she watched Regina quickly turn away from her and fold up the blanket neatly. After they'd tossed away their food and drinks, Regina went to the counter to return the blanket while Emma kept Gator under her chin.

"Regina…" she began.

"It's getting late," Regina's voice trembled. "I'll take you home now."

Emma stared at the ground, seeing Regina's hands shake a little but the mayor tried to push her palms into her pockets to hide her tremors.

"Okay," Emma whispered.

The ride back was different now. It was too quiet, too filled with the past and present hopes as they slowly covered mile after mile. Gator stayed in Emma's arms. She felt the need to hold onto something.

Especially when she felt like she just lost something precious.

She tried to sneak a glance at Regina. Every so often, her face would crumble but when she noticed Emma's face tilt back to her, a sudden smile popped to her lips, making Emma feel even more horrible about how she'd reacted.

"Don't," was Regina's sudden demand.

Emma's head shot up at her. "Don't what?"

"Don't be upset with yourself," Regina's voice carried a wave of calmness that lodged itself deep into Emma's own thoughts, "you've done nothing wrong. So… so don't, okay?"

Emma stared at the car floor beneath her.

"Okay…"

When they finally arrived back to Storybrooke, Regina made the familiar turns where she should until she finally came up to Granny's Inn.

Emma had slowly pulled off her seat belts, wishing she could say something that would bring back the magic of their earlier evening.

She looked over at Regina, who's gaze had fallen into the dashboard in front of Emma, looking questioningly at the compartment in front of her. Emma followed her eyes and realized what she was staring at.

_Maybe there's something in there?_ She wondered. Whatever it was, Regina decided not to pull it out. Her eyes rose up to Emma's and gave her the most genuine smile she could manage.

"Have a good night," she offered, waiting for the blonde to exit her car.

Emma's throat lodged itself in lost words. She nodded slowly and began to open the door. Her foot was half way out of the car when she pulled back in and turned to Regina.

"I-I'm trying too, you know?"

Regina just stared at her. Her face visibly softened as she let out a low sigh, her lips curved upward all the while.

"I know…."

Emma leaned over and nuzzled herself into the crook of Regina's neck, happy to finally have the contact she'd been wanting all night.

She breathed in Regina's new perfume, the cinnamon in her skin and something that smelt a little bit like lemon.

_Maybe a new soap?_ Emma wondered distractedly.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Emma whispered, scared half out of her mind thinking Regina had closed herself off again.

She felt Regina slowly turn towards her forehead, her lips just slightly brushing against Emma's hair. She wanted those lips on her. To kiss her pain away and to push aside the traumas of their past.

But it wasn't that easy. It was never that easy.

Regina's whole body tensed, her hand clutching hard at the steering wheel until she finally muttered, "of course. If that's what you want."

Emma nodded again. "I do," she turned and let her nose brush against the curve of Regina's neck, slightly pleased with the slight shudder it induced.

"I-I'll pick you up for lunch with Henry," Regina offered, desperately trying to ignore her body's physical needs and fighting for her desire to keep Emma protected from _her_.

"I'd really like that," Emma muttered, not eager to move away from the nestle she'd made for herself.

Regina let her stay that way for as long as she wanted.

Finally, Emma took a chance. She turned and gently pushed her lips into Regina's neck. It wasn't a kiss, not really. It was… a small promise of hope for the future. She felt the muscles in Regina's beautiful neck tighten underneath her touch but ignored it.

She held Gator to her, with her rose in her hand and stepped out of the car. It wasn't until Emma was right up at Granny's door that she turned to wave Regina good night, who raised her fingers slightly off the strangled steering wheel and then drove off.

Emma watched the car disappear, feeling more alone than she ever had in her life.

When Regina returned home, Henry was fast asleep but Ruby had waited eagerly for her in the lounge room, a Tarantino movie playing for entertainment until she jumped off her couch when she heard the door close gently.

Ruby immediately appeared in front of Regina, ready to demand all the details when she saw the look on Regina's face.

"Regina?" She approached slowly. "What's wrong?"

Regina sucked her lips in and bit her teeth deep enough to hurt but not enough to bleed. She didn't want to talk. Not just yet anyway. She shook her head at her friend, silently requesting for a moment of peace as she walked up the stairs and fell into the bed, still in the same clothes she'd wore out on her date.

She tried to breathe deeply, to flush out the hurt and absolute fury she felt towards herself in an attempt to calm her mind.

She let out an angry chuckle towards herself as she pushed her face into her sheets, not giving a damn about how her makeup was staining her expensive sheets.

With the word 'stupid' playing over her head repeatedly, she drifted off to sleep, ignorant of Ruby watching her from the ajar door of her room.

* * *

**This chapter was a little longer than usual but I just wanted the emotions of our main characters to be properly covered before we continued any further. **

**Hope all your weeks are going well guys.**

**Cheers.**


	14. Fever

"The most powerful symptom of love is a tenderness which becomes at times almost insupportable."

**- Victor Hugo**

* * *

Somewhere in Abbeville, the parish seat of Vermillion Parish, Louisiana, on one of their traditional, scorching hot summer days, a little blonde girl thought she had come home to a family that wanted her.

The man seemed nice. He was big and burly like Baloo from the Jungle Book but smiled like he was a clown. He picked her up immediately and pulled her into his arms. He smelled funny. She didn't know what it was but it stung her nose and even though she didn't really like it, she hugged him back.

The lady seemed nice too. She had long, beautiful chestnut hair and wore a dress that had butterflies on it. Emma liked butterflies. They were nice and flurry and could fly. She seemed like an angel who just dressed better.

The nice woman who brought her to this home looked at her and smiled. She felt really happy. Maybe she would have a mommy and a daddy now. She was handed to the lady with the butterfly dress and smelt dandelions. She liked that better. She held onto the butterfly lady's neck and held on to her.

"It's alright, little Emma," she said as she poked Emma's nose. "You belong with us now."

Emma never felt happier.

But that night, the big man, he came home and he seemed strange. Like he couldn't stand up properly. Emma wondered what was wrong with him but she just sat there on the carpet, playing with an old ragged doll they gave her, which she still loved because it was her first gift when his eyes fell on her.

Emma remembered something when she looked at him. She had been taken to an animal shelter once, to see dogs and cats and she even saw a bunny. But there was one dog. One dog that they kept away from the others. Emma was curious about him so she went closer. When the big dog saw her, he ran to the cage and began barking at her. Emma fell to the ground and began crying. The dog looked so wrong. So mean. Like something in him was rusty and it couldn't be polished to shine again.

That's what she thought when she saw this man. She wondered if maybe he just needed some water.

But then he pulled her by the scalp and even though she screamed and screamed about how much it hurt, he didn't stop until he'd tossed her into a cupboard. She hated that cupboard. She felt like the walls were closing in on her and the stench of mold and grime made her stomach churn. She banged on the door, over and over, saying how sorry she was and how good she would be if she were allowed to come out.

The door opened and she saw the butterfly lady. The angel lady. Emma couldn't help but smile. She would help her. The nice, pretty butterfly lady would-

She fell back into the cupboard. There was a sharp pain on her cheek and when she looked up, the butterfly lady had the same look that man had.

She snarled at her. "Keep your mouth shut or I'll shut it permanently for you."

Little Emma never cried again.

Emma's eyes snapped open to a dim ceiling, her mind half convinced that she was back in that cupboard.

Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the dark and she remembered where she was. _Granny's Inn_, her brain supplied, _I've been here almost a week. I'm here for Mary Margaret's wedding._

This was her ritual when she woke up from the nightmares. Or more specifically, her suppressed memories. She would remember where she was, remind herself who she's become, how she was no longer in the foster system and how she'd never go back there again.

She tried to take a deep breath and calm her thundering heart.

"Fuck..." she swore silently as she swallowed, angry that the dreams had suddenly reappeared in her sleep. She hadn't had these episodes in years. And now they were suddenly back, complete in all its vivid details.

She went into her bag and pulled out a flask of whiskey that she carried around. Her recent job as a bounty hunter while not too rough, sometimes put her in situations where she couldn't take the crimes committed by her marks as she read through their files in all their full-blown, glorious facts.

So sometimes, she had to numb her senses to deal with it all.

The blonde sighed in satisfaction as the fire in her chest reactivated her senses a bit.

_That's better_, she thought as she took another swig and closed the flask.

With the slight buzz in her system, Emma began to wonder why the dreams came back.

_It was that date with Regina_, her tired mind growled at her under its slight influence, _she did this to me_. _She had to be all charming and nice and just when I thought I was safe, she made me remember._

Emma began to slouch into the seat.

_It's her fault_, her eyes began to blur, _it's all her fa..._

Her world went black.

* * *

When Emma woke up, she found herself staring back up at the ceiling again. Except this time there was a blinding light that hurt her eyes, a quiet mumbling in the room and something wet and moist in on her forehead.

She was about to remove when she felt a hand press it back down.

"Keep it on, dear," she didn't know who it was but the kindness in her voice made her automatically listen as she put her hand back to the side.

"Is she waking up?" Another voice. A little boy's. She knew that voice but she just couldn't place it right now. Her head hurt too much but despite the crushing pressure she felt on her skull, that voice made her want to jump up and take the little boy in her arms and ease his troubles.

"Yes, she's waking up Henry," _ah_, _that angelic voice again_, she thought. So sweet, so low. She wanted to open her eyes and meet the owner of that voice but everything just felt too heavy.

"Is she going to be, okay?" The timid little voice again.

_No, don't sound sad_, Emma groaned to herself and immediately felt that hand gently adjust the wet cloth again._ No_, _go to him_, she tried to mumble, _make him feel better_.

She heard the smile in her angel's voice without even seeing her, "she'll be fine honey, she just has a really high fever."

"But you'll take care of her?"

Another voice, oh she knew that voice too but couldn't place it. "Your mom will do everything she can to make sure Emma feels better, love."

She felt the vibrations on the floor, of feet moving. There was a light shuffling until she heard that voice again.

"Exactly, I'll stay here to make sure she's taken care of and Ruby will take you home for now, okay?"

"But I want to help too!" The boy managed to enunciate his words clearly even in his distressed state. Emma thought in that exact moment, he sounded like her angel.

"And you will," the angel's calm voice filled the air again, "which is what you'll be doing by going home with Ruby to bring me some change of clothes and make some soup for Emma? You remember? I taught you how to make it a few months back after you felt better from a cold too."

There was a short silence in even then Emma could feel the pout jutting from his lip, "soup. Yes soup. I can make that."

"I'll help you too!" The woman, Ruby quickly interjected as if to say 'I'll make sure he doesn't burn down the house'.

"There, you see? I'm sure Emma would be so happy to have something that you made, I know I would," the cheeriness in her voice made Emma want to reach out to her and hold her.

_Where is she_, her clouded thoughts mumbled in her own mind as she fidgeted a little. Immediately that hand came back, gently stroking her hair in a soothing manner.

_Hmmm_, Emma calmed, _my hand_.

"And you'll make sure she feels better quickly?" The little boy asked timidly.

"I promise. On our tree, I promise."

Whatever that meant, it seemed to work. The boy immediately seemed to calm and then Emma heard something else. His little voice muttering something but she couldn't quite make it out.

Her angel didn't speak for a minute.

But then she said "okay, I will. Ruby can you take him home now?"

Then she heard feet moving, the weight of the room shifting around her until she finally heard the soft click of the door.

She moaned in panic. Was her angel gone? Did she leave her alone? No, she wanted her back. Get her back.

_Come back_, she thought weakly.

Regina turned from the door and saw Emma trembling under the covers. In three quick steps, she was by her side again. She pulled the towel off her hand and soaked it in the bowl of cool water Regina had placed on the side table and placed it back on her head again.

Emma's movements calmed and Regina felt a flood of relief.

She sat back, tying up her now lengthening black hair into a ponytail as she rolled up the sleeves of her black turtleneck sweater further up.

She watched Emma's features grimace in agony, her lips parted as she tried to suck in much needed air to recuperate her aching body as a thin layer of sweat formed along her upper lip.

Regina had driven by as promised to pick her up for their lunch date together with Henry. When she wasn't picking up, the darker woman asked Henry to go up to her room and check on her. Henry came back, looking dejected and sad, saying no one was answering. Regina felt her stomach churn. Something wasn't right. She'd called Ruby to come by with the set of spare keys to the rooms of Granny's Inn and waited in front of Emma's door with Henry shifting nervously on his feet, wondering why his mom looked so serious.

Ruby came along in less than fifteen minutes and opened the door.

As if she'd just stepped onto Alaskan grounds with nothing more than a t-shirt and jeans, her whole body went rigid to the sight she saw. Emma was sprawled across the ground, dressed in nothing but a thin sweat shirt and her favorite boxer shorts with batman symbols on it (a small part of Regina's mind had to say 'she still has those?'), her face pressed into the ground and on the table she was lying next to, sat a thin whiskey flask.

Regina decided she would ponder on why that flask is there later. She quickly rushed over to Emma and pulled the tall woman into her arms.

_God_, Regina could already feel her boiling body heat through her clothes_, she's burning up_.

Ruby, thanks heavens had taken Henry to the side and calmly asked him to stay put and despite his panicked state the boy listened and did as he was told. Ruby and Regina together, lifted the blonde and brought her back to bed. A few quick decisions later, Regina had calmed down enough to make sure she'd tested Emma's temperature, and pulled out some emergency medication she had in her bag and sat it aside to give to Emma once she was conscious enough to swallow.

She frowned to herself. Emma, despite her suicidal eating habits, often took care of herself well, rarely falling sick if at all. Of course, falling asleep in a state like Maine where there is almost always a cold chill in the air, on the floor, in nothing but skimpy clothes would have adhered to ensuring a cold but that damn flask. Regina's jaw hardened as she watched Emma sleep. Why was that bloody flask there? Emma didn't drink. She hated it. Always said it reminded her of how she grew up in the foster system. It'd taken Regina a few times to notice how Emma would tense a little very time she offered her wife a drink. She stopped altogether afterwards, pulling out the liquor only if Emma asked.

Emma moaned again. Regina's dark eyes snapped up to her and wondered what she needed when she heard Emma mumble something. Bright, green eyes opened slightly, flickering over the room like she was looking for something until they fell on Regina's.

The mayor saw the hand move underneath the blanket and quickly moved the covers, trying to make it easier for her sick ex-wife.

"Emma?" She whispered softly, "what is it sweetie?"

Emma's meek hand reached up and clumsily fell on Regina's own hand.

"D-don't…" Emma mumbled again. Regina sat up off her chair and lowered herself on the bed, struggling to hear. She leaned closer, cradling Emma's hand in hers when the blonde spoke again.

"Stay… okay? Stay…"

Regina's eyes shot up, her heart mercilessly being tugged towards the direction of the woman as if the chains that kept her tethered to the blonde that laid on the bed just yanked itself, reminding her how bound she was to this woman.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise," she brought her lips close to Emma's sweating hand and gently kissed it. She heard a weak yet happy groan come from Emma's lips.

"Cause you won't… you won't let them…" Emma muttered, struggling to say her words.

Regina listened intently.

"You won't let them hurt me… you're…" Emma gripped onto her hand as hard as she could, "you're my… you're my angel, right?"

Regina fell into the ground beneath her. The earth swallowed her whole and spit her back up with a new realization and awareness as the blonde made her silent pleas. Regina's grasp strengthened, holding her hand like she'd done on that day she first held Henry in her arms. The day she knew she would never ever let anyone harm her child. Where she'd realized her heart could love so strongly with such devotion that it scared her a little.

"I won't let anyone hurt you," Regina said resolutely.

Emma's lips curled upwards, happily satisfied with what she'd heard and finally seemed to have dozed off.

Regina reached out her hand and softly caressed Emma's face. "I won't let anyone hurt you…."

When Emma woke up again, the sun had already set. It's soft red hues filled the room, marking the end of the day as Emma struggled to sit up. Slowly, she managed to pull up her aching body enough to be able to lean her back against the headboard when from the corner of her eyes, she saw a sleeping figure on the chair next to her.

Regina had dozed off on her chair, her elbow propped on the armrest as her head rested on the base of her palm. She'd felt the blonde shift in her bed and quickly roused herself from her light slumber.

"Hey," she muttered softly, her lips curving into a smile as she tried to shake herself out of the weariness she felt, "how're you feeling?"

Emma frowned at herself, slowly realizing how fatigued she felt, her muscles demanding attention to their ache as her head spun a little.

She groaned and pressed her forehead into her palm. "Like stampede just ran over my head…"

Regina smiled to herself, _at least her sense of humor is back_. The mayor reached over to the towel soaking in the bowl and gently squeezed the excess water out. She'd leaned over and was about to wipe the sweat away when Emma froze to her touch.

"I-I can do it myself," Emma muttered, too afraid to look at the hurt she knew would be in Regina's dark eyes.

The mayor slightly pulled back, her eyes narrowing a little until she spoke, "of course. Here you go."

She handed the towel to Emma and was aware of how careful the blonde was being to not touch her.

As Emma wiped the beads of sweat from her face and neck, Regina decided Emma was well enough to be answering some questions.

"What happened last night Emma?"

Emma turned to the mayor, her eyebrows furrowing under Regina's intense scrutiny as her hand stilled against her neck. "I, well we went out, and then we came home and-"

"I mean after," Regina interrupted as politely as she could. "I came by this morning to pick you up for lunch with Henry when we found you on the floor," Regina pulled out that _thing_ she'd quickly pressed in between her jeans to hide from Henry's young eyes. "And I found this on the table."

Emma stared shamefully at the flask, the dream and everything else blasting themselves back into the forefront of her mind. She groaned at the rush of images, making her head throb even harder.

Regina leaned over and instinctively pressed her palm against Emma's forehead, ignoring the twitch she felt from the blonde. _Now was not the time to be overly sensitive_, she chastised herself. Emma can go back to being afraid of her once she was fully recovered.

"Your fever's gone down a tad," Regina stated, leaning back into her seat as she waited or Emma to continue.

But when the blonde chose not to speak, Regina tried again. "Emma… what happened?"

She saw Emma scowl under the dim light of the room, her entire body shifting away from Regina as she dropped the towel back in the bowl. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it does," Regina tried to get Emma's attention, "Emma, what would have happened if I hadn't come by? How sick would you have gotten? You know the weather here, you could have caught pneumonia or-"

"Right, I know alright? Stop criticizing me already."

Regina stared at her in confusion. "I'm not criticizing you…"

Emma heard the sincerity in Regina's voice, making her uncertainly look over at the dark woman sitting in her seat. She finally noticed the wrinkles in Regina's usually pristine clothes, the light dark circles in her eyes and the lines on her forehead. "Have you been with me all day?"

Regina's face turned, "yes…"

Emma brought her knees closer to her chest, lost on what to say and her emotions muddled over what happened the night before, including the dream she had earlier this morning and the nightingale angel that was nursing her.

"Thank you," she managed to whisper.

Regina's gaze softened, "you're welcome, dear."

Emma peeked at her through her golden hair and gave her a meek smile. "I just… I didn't sleep well last night is all…"

Regina knew that there was far more to it than that but she halted her own worries and fears, allowing Emma to move at her own pace. "Oh?"

"I had… a nightmare…" Emma mumbled, "it was something that happened to me when I was a kid… my first foster family… the Davidsons they were called… they just… weren't very nice people."

Regina felt the understatement of her words but chose not to comment on it. "I'm sorry that they weren't good to you," was all she could say.

Emma unconsciously shifted back closer to Regina. "They weren't the first… that… weren't good to me…"

Regina felt her heart leap at her throat. Emma had very rarely talked about her experience in the system and to hear it now, in a voice so timid and afraid from a woman she knew to be so strong and capable was gut wrenching.

"I mean they never… abused me in _that_ way," Emma quickly clarified as if that was something she at least had to be thankful for, "but it still…" she shuddered as the onslaught of memories came back to her all of sudden. The first cane that hit her when she was eleven. The brick that was thrown at her back, which always made her left shoulder move a little differently to the right, when she was thirteen. The dog that was used to terrify her, barking viciously, its teeth bared at her so close to her face when she didn't do the dishes properly when she was fifteen. The last time a man hit her square across her cheek when she brought back the wrong pack of smokes. But she was only sixteen, who would sell her the right pack of cigs? She had to steal them when they weren't watching.

It wasn't her fault. It wasn't-

Her lungs constricted into themselves, her chest fell into her heart, and her head felt like it was going to pop off any second when a pair of arms suddenly enveloped her.

_Apples_, she thought meekly as she nuzzled into that familiar neck, her arms reaching up and gently squeezing at Regina's shirt.

"None of them are here now," Regina said softly. "And I promise you no one, _no one_ will ever hurt you again. I swear it on my life."

Emma felt the weight of the words hit her hard. There was so much love and security from those words and the arms that held her close. She felt tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

"And… you won't either…?" She mumbled weakly. She felt Regina stiffen around her but Emma's hold on her was firm, afraid that her angel would move away all because she asked something very simple.

But Regina did pull away, with Emma's hand still clutched tightly onto her sweater. But as the dark woman leaned back, she brought up her hands and cradled Emma's face, gently brushing her thumbs against flush, creamy cheeks as she stared determinedly into soft, questioning emerald irises.

"_NEVER_."

That was all it took. The firmness in that one word. That resolution in those two syllables. The eyes of a lioness as she said it. The love she felt suddenly wrap around her like an invisible blanket when Regina made her promise and declaration all at once.

Slowly, Emma leaned forward and kissed her.

* * *

**It's been one heck of a few days/weeks and I'm writing under the influence of exhaustion and supreme tiredness. **

**I hope I wrote this chapter well because this is where things really take a step forward.  
**

**I hope everyone's enjoying their weekends cause where I'm at it's raining cats and dogs (where the hell that phrase came from I'll never know) and so, it's just staying indoors, reading over SQ fics and fluffs and maybe have some more dreams about my beautiful Regina Mills because I've been dreaming about that character twice in a row now so hopefully she visits my subconscious soon :P  
**

**Happy Saturday everyone.**

**Cheers**


	15. Ain't No Mountain High Enough

**So rewrites are happening but the contents of each chapter aren't changing. I just realized as I read that I couldn't really read without wanting to edit every paragraph or sentence so yeah. It's a slow, tedious process since I've only redrafted chapter 2 so far so but with that done, here's chapter 16 :)**

* * *

"He felt warm and familiar. He felt solid and safe. I wanted to cling to his shirt, bury my face into the warm curve of his neck, and never let go."

—Becca Fitzpatrick,_ Crescendo_

* * *

Emma wasn't sure what to expect when she moved back into the familiar rooms and walls of the mayor's mansion. The lingering scent of wood paneling on the floor and timber filled her nostrils as she laid back on her guest bed and took in the comfort of returning to what used to be her home.

The blonde sank into her bed and let her eyes drift over the ceiling, as if daring the walls to part and allow her to see the sky above.

She'd initially resisted the move but the look in Regina's eyes had pretty told her the issue was decided, much like the way she settles and commands town meetings.

Emma had spent that whole weekend when she first fell ill, feeling as if someone had simultaneously kicked her in the gut and driven an army tank over her head. She thought she was feeling better by the second day. But then a sudden pain shot through her chest, making her feel as if someone had just pushed their cold hand through her sternum and was playing around her chest muscles like a cruel puppeteer. Regina wasted no time in getting her in an examination room with Doctor Whale.

"Well, it looks like you've caught a minor chest infection," the tall, blonde man explained with eyes that always made Emma feel like he belonged in one of Hitler's regiments. "You'll be fine though. The hospital will give you the medications you'll need. Drink plenty of rest and rest for a few days." He flips through Emma's medical file before he continues, "you'll need to come back in two days to make sure you're improving and in six weeks again to check for a full recovery. Will you have anyone taking care of you in the meantime?"

Emma blushed under his scrutiny. Without meaning to, he'd just opened a whole can or worms, and each worm represented an entirely different elephant in the room.

"No, but it's just a small virus, I'll be alright."

"She'll be staying with me Doctor," Regina announced from her side. Emma turned to her to argue but when Regina reached over and squeezed her hand encouragingly, Emma wasn't sure she wanted to be denied more of that comfort.

"Regina, I'll be okay," Emma tried to protest, ignoring the calming warmth on the back of her hand. "Besides, you still have work and Mary Margaret to help with her wedding."

The Latina flashed her another one of those beaming, crescent moon smiles she was quickly becoming used to. "Mary Margaret's already made her own little wedding planner's nest at my house so she can come by anytime she likes. And I can work from home if need be," she rubbed her thumb soothingly over Emma's hand, "besides, you may be okay on your own but you'll be better with me."

The double entendre in her words doesn't escape either woman.

That afternoon, Emma had laid in bed, with Henry feeding her his surprisingly delicious chicken soup, while Regina moved around her room, packing her twelve items of clothing and spare toiletries.

"Come on ma, open up," Henry nudged lightly as he blew on the spoon of his homemade steaming broth before holding it out to Emma's lips. The kind gesture did more for Emma than the soup did but she wasn't about to tell him that. Not when he looked so proud of his culinary accomplishment.

Emma parted her lips slowly and took in another mouthful, making sure to let out a loud, pleased hmmm as she did. She loved how it really just the small little things that could make Henry's face beam with pride. Distracted by his smile, Emma coughed a little when the soup travelled down the wrong throat. The sound immediately earned Regina's attention.

The mayor kept her gaze on her for a few seconds. When she was certain that Emma was alright, she resumed her packing. It was a strange relationship they were slowly forming. Sure, it only took six years but as Emma's core warmed from both the soup and something a little more, she smiled when she realized it was all finally starting to come together.

"Does that help?" Henry asked tentatively, suddenly unsure if he'd done a good job at his meal. Ruby had hovered over him like a hawk and it made him nervous. The poor child kept forgetting the ingredients but his mom's voice kept gently nudging him foreword in his mind as he recalled her instructions.

Emma managed the best smile she can in her weakened state, "it helps a whole lot, kid. Thanks so much for the soup. I love it."

Henry's cheeks looked as if they might hurt from the large grin forming on his lips. If it did, he doesn't care in the slightest as he offers her another spoonful.

Emma was taking another bite when he asked another question. "Has mom been kissing you?"

Emma nearly choked on the spoon. "W-what was that, Henry?"

Henry stared at her suspiciously. "Mom always kisses me here," he pointed at his forehead with the spoon in his hand, "when I'm sick. It always makes me feel better. I ask her to kiss you there too," he turned sharply to Regina, "mom you promised."

Emma is grateful for her fever because she was blushing so hard she could feel the heat radiate from her cheeks to her ears. "Henry, I don't think-"

She wasn't allowed another word as Regina took four steps towards her. The dark woman grinned mischievously at her before she leaned down, tucked aside the now oily strands of Emma's blonde hair and gently pressed her lips against Emma's temple. Emma couldn't stop the happy purr that vibrated from her throat.

When Regina moved away, she saw a coy smile touch the corner of her lips as she turned back to the room.

The blonde looked to Henry who appeared extremely satisfied.

Emma's eyes fell on the smaller woman again who was checking every nook and cranny.

Her thoughts drifted back and forth as she recalled how Regina had being moving around her like her personal guardian. Even when Emma had the soon-to-be-married David and Mary Margaret come by to visit, Regina had stayed by her side, comfortably falling into the vacant spot that had gone empty for too long. The pair moved differently now, as if there was an invisible rubber band wrapped between the two of them which relaxed when they were close but grew taut when they moved a step too far from each other.

And Regina seemed to have sensed this invisible link, taking great measures to make sure there was always a comfortable distance between herself and the sick blonde.

As the dark-haired woman packed away the last of her belongings, and being unable to resist cleaning up a little here and there, Emma breath caught in her throat when she recalled their first kiss in over a year. Her own actions surprised her when she felt her crinkly, dry lips brush against wet, glossy ones. She couldn't repress the moan that escaped her throat when the taste of raspberry filled her senses. She wanted to deepen the kiss but she was too self-conscious of the sick taste in her own mouth. When she pulled away, the throbbing in her skull intensified from the movement, prompting another weak groan. Regina reacted immediately and handed her some medicine and a glass of water.

"Here you go," she said as she held out her palm, "this will help."

Emma nodded weakly and did took the offerings. Her shy, green eyes were still on Regina's as she took a sip and was happy to see the same tender coyness being reflected in dark irises.

Regina hadn't mentioned the kiss again but the ease in how she moved around Emma told a different story. It helped that every time their eyes met, there was a gentle understanding that had been lacking in their previous interactions since she'd been in Storybrooke.

When the mayor was sure that all of Emma's things have been gathered, she asked Henry to take the luggage down to the car while she helped Emma put on some easy fitting UGG boots, and a zip up, burgundy hoodie. Soon, she wrapped a thick, wool scarf around her neck and threw a blanket over her shoulders for good measure.

Emma pouted, "I can do some things on my own you know."

Regina looked up at her, slightly stunned by her own behaviour. After all, she'd never gone this far to take care of anyone other than Henry. "I know," Regina said agreeably, "but I like doing it."

_Now, how was a girl supposed to resist that?_ Emma thought grudgingly.

When they reached the house, Henry bolted out of the car, rushing up into the guestroom to prepare for Emma's arrival. Both women chuckled when a tiny blur sped past the door, his excitement of having his ma back clearly obvious.

The thought made Emma flinch.

"I haven't been a very good mom to him, have I?" she whispers as Regina unhooked both their seat belts.

The mayor kept quiet, unsure what to say. "You're here now," she spoke with determination, "that's what counts."

Emma wanted to say more but in her weakened state, guilt on top of a pounding headache wasn't something she could undergo just yet.

The blonde stayed in bed for several days. Regina herself, slept on a cot she prepared next to Emma's bed and Henry made his soup for her whenever his mom asked him to. It was a wonderful sensation, to feel so loved and belonged that Emma was almost thankful for the fever and the infection.

Surprisingly though, what first made her truly welcome back in Regina's home was when the blonde had emptied the contents of her stomach into a bucket Regina had considerately placed on the floor next to her head. It was the first time she had ever thrown up in Regina's presence and the blonde couldn't help but feel disgusted with herself and embarrassed all the same. Regina helped her move back to the bed after she'd been holding her hair away from her face and almost chuckles.

"You're sick. Your body is reacting the way a sick person does. What's there to be embarrassed about?"

Emma had never felt more grossed out and more loved in her life.

Finally, her body was close to fully recovery and she was getting some of her appetite back. She knew that Regina and Henry were somewhere in the lower grounds of the house. She figured she'd surprise them and go down to help something for herself. Even though she did love being nursed by her two favourite people in the world, she was starting to feel a little too useless.

She pulled the door open from her bedroom and narrowed her eyes when she heard music filling the mansion. She listened closely and realised that she knew the song.

_Listen, baby, ain't no mountain high_

_Ain't no valley low, ain't no river wide enough, baby_

Emma stepped down the stairs, uncertain of whether she was hallucinating in her flu induced state. She had never ever heard Regina play anything other than the classic works of Beethoven, Mozart or occasionally Yanni but that was the extent of it. The soul, rhythm and blues classic had caught her surprise enough to make her think she was dreaming.

Tammi stepped in for her verse.

_If you need me call me, _

_No matter where you are, no matter how far,_

Marvin came back on.

_Don't worry baby_.

Emma noticed different set of voices on top of the song. Voices she recognized all too well.

She followed the tune into the kitchen and gently pushed the swinging door open. The sight she saw stunned her speechless.

Regina's hair was fully let out as it moved across her face. Yet, even then, her morning hair still managing to look as if it'd just been styled by Tabitha herself. Her lips were flush with life and her cheeks glowed with joy as the mayor moved around the kitchen cabinet with a wooden spoon in her hand.

_Her microphone_, Emma realized.

The mayor was dressed in a thin, grey cashmere top with buttons that were slightly undone with pink shorts, an outfit made possible thanks to the heating system in the house and gratefully exposed her gorgeous olive toned legs. Behind her was Henry, the small little boy was still in his Ben 10 jammies that Emma had bought for him two years back which were slightly too big for him at the time but now fit him perfectly. His hair was equally ruffled and in his hand, was a saltshaker.

The song had moved on without Emma realizing it. Regina sang in unison to the part of the female vocalist while Henry waited behind her, his knees bent and his lips pursed like a star waiting to shine.

_Just call my name, I'll be there in a hurry,_

_You don't have to worry, cause baby there's,_

Both mother and son jumped in, their voices filling the kitchen with a warmth from something other than the food they were cooking.

_Something so much better_, Emma thought fondly.

_Ain't no mountain high enough, _

_Ain't no valley low enough,_

_Ain't no river wide enough,_

_To keep me from getting to you baby_.

If Emma thought there was no possible way for her to be even more in love with Regina Mills, she had horribly miscalculated.

The mayor continued to dance to the song until she finally turned and came face to face with an amused look on Emma's face that also held absolute adoration. She looked startled for a minute and paused in her step, her eyes flooding with mortification. But then just as quickly as that terror came, it went away when she smiled at Emma and held out a hand to her.

The blonde didn't need any more prompting. She offered Regina her hand and was immediately pulled into the mood, Henry cheering loudly at their new addition.

All three of them moved to the song, singing in unison, Henry's off tune voice filling the air with Emma and Regina acting as backup. But then, Regina took Emma's hand in hers, and wrapped her arm around the taller woman's waist as the song grew in its persistent tempo. Emma gladly accepted Regina's lead, dancing together with both women laughing and smiling, sharing a moment so foreign yet so full of love as they did.

The song moved to its chorus again and Emma nearly tripped on Regina, earning a heartfelt laugh from the both of them. Emma pulled Regina close and snuggled into the shorter woman's neck. Regina's pulse quickened under her lips and something else stirred inside her. A reminder of other ways that can make Regina's blood beat faster underneath her touch. With a mild surprise, Emma realizes that when she thinks of Regina _like that, _it's different now. Before it was a desperate need to dominate or to take. Both wanting to be fulfilled from the scars of their past but neither truly knowing how to love just yet or give to each other. Their past intimacies had been too tainted with their own insecurities and need to be erased of the horrors inflicted upon them in their childhoods.

The fleeting thought of her past made Emma pull Regina closer as she parted her lips and breathed deeper. She felt Regina gasp a little at the feeling as a happy hum filled her ears. With the sound came the realisation that Emma wants to give Regina all of who she was now. No safety guards, no defences. Emma withdrew from the embrace but her forehead pushed against Regina's and the mayor's arms extended over her shoulders, happily allowing Emma to press their noses against each other.

From the look in her eyes, Emma knew Regina would give herself the same way.

Both women sensed a curious gaze on them and turned to see Henry watching them with tear brimmed eyes. Smiling, they move away from each other and sandwiched their son between them, dancing in the most awkward and goofiest way possible.

But none of them cared.

As Regina flicked her head back and forth, her face filled with absolute disregard for how ridiculous she looked, Henry followed behind her, dancing just as preposterously. Emma just followed them in a train formation around the island in the kitchen, trying to look just as silly.

_Yeah_, Emma thought as she catches Regina's loving gaze, _I'm home_.

* * *

**I suggest you listen to the song Ain't No Mountain High Enough while you read the last bit because lol, it's my ****happy, pick-me-up song and I figured, hey, why not add it and write this piece while it's playing in the background? I guarantee ya'll will be smiling ;)**


	16. Dressing Room

Please understand, when I give my body to you I'm not just giving you the physicality of who I am. I am actually giving you more. I'm giving a piece of me I've rarely shared with others. When I allow you in, I'm saying "god I think you're something special." So here I am, praying to God that you think I'm something special too.

– GEB

* * *

The moment Mary Margaret got wind of Emma's full recovery (and validated this recuperation with Regina), the tiny, flustered bride-to-be wasted no time in dragging out her friend into 'Jaq's Bridal & Formal'. After a few weak protests, Emma was forced to accept that there was no getting out of her bridesmaid gown fitting. With Jaq tossing over Mary Margaret's choice selections, the tall blonde sighed heavily as she pulled petulantly on each dress and resigned to her fate.

She could hear the bride's and the bridesmaids'' voices flitter through the thick, elegantly floral patterned curtains as she struggled to push her long legs through the material.

"I am _not _putting that on, and you can't make me."

The irritation in Ruby's voice was clear as bells and Emma half rejoiced at knowing that she wasn't the only one having issues with her femineity being forced out for the sake of their friend.

"I think it looks wonderful on you," came Ashley's hesitant encouragement, the only bridesmaid who seemed to be enjoying all the attention. But that was probably because for once, she was surrounded by clean clothes and not dirty diapers or greased maids' outfits.

She laughed at the gruff, mumbling response and finally managed to put on the gown. With resistant force, Emma pulled aside the drape and made her way into the display room. Jaq, a tall slim man with an overtly polished suit let out a happy gasp and clapped loudly, drawing all attention to Emma.

She immediately hated him.

"Oh," he squealed as she came to her side and offered his hand. Dumfounded, Emma took the palm and was guided onto a pedestal where she felt like a freak spectacle. "C'est manifique! Madame, you put the 'sin' and 'sensation!"

Emma glared at him and his obviously fake French accent. "There's no 'sin' in sensation."

"Precisely!" He squealed again. Emma thought this is how mice probably sound when they've sucked in too much helium. "You're just _that_ hot!"

He muttered a few more compliments as he moved around her, taking measurements and praising to himself.

"My gosh, Ems," Mary Margaret came to her, her palms held together in the air, and her thumbs pressed to her lips. As the teacher looked at her with approval, her eyes glazed over that same way they do when she'd been watching too many Nicolas Sparks movies, "you look beautiful."

Emma blushed timidly, "I look ridiculous," she grumbled as she twirled a little, her gown flowing around her like an overdecorated broom.

She looked down at the monstrosity that she decided, didn't belong on her body. The strapless lavender A-line gown with a shirred V-neck bodice had a ruched up flower of all things accenting at her empire waist. Everything about the gown made her feel so awkward about herself. Standing on the round podium, she gazed at her reflection in front of the large three-way mirror a few feet away. The sight made Emma want to burn herself on the spot just so she'd have a good excuse to get out of the gown.

"Nonsense," Mary Margaret interjected as she came over and brushed invisible dust away from her side, "if you're going to be my maid of honour, you must certainly _look_ the part."

Emma stared at her in shock. "Maid of… honour?" she repeated.

Mary Margaret lifted her chin. "Oh right," she backed away slowly, "I meant to ask since you'd arrived and, well things happened and you got sick and…" she exhaled deeply, "I'd be really happy if my best friend could take that position in the most important day of my life so far?"

The request had taken Emma off guard. She reddened as she stared at the carpet and drew imaginary patterns in the synesthetic fibres. "Are you sure?" she whispered, "I haven't exactly been the best of friend and…"

The smaller woman took in her hand, "that doesn't matter to me. You're still the only person who were there when I needed someone and I'd really like it to be you."

Emma swallowed the guilt mixed with joy in her throat. She'd never been friends with anyone long enough to even be invited to their birthdays let alone be a part of their wedding. Having Mary Margaret extend such a major role to her, to fully be publically be announced as someone important to another human being was making her chest constrict.

"I-I'd be honoured," she mumbled.

Jaq was still fussing around her while they had their girl moment.

"Nawww, isn't that sweet," Ruby's teasing voice came from behind.

"Ah shush you, you're still wearing what I pick for you," Mary Margaret retorted as she turned to the brunette, making Ruby pale instantly.

A few minutes later, another figure came into the room, carrying a white box and a cardboard tray of four paper cups. Her dark hair was ruffled from the strong wind outside while her light olive-complexion warmed to the heat in the store.

"Evening everyone, I brought some food… for…" the woman trailed off as she took in the sight before her.

"Regina!" Mary Margaret exclaimed, suddenly letting go of Emma's hand as she scooted off to help the mayor with their orders. "Here, let me help you with that," she took the tray from her hand, unaware of the thunderstruck look on the taller woman's' face and put them on an empty chair seat. "Doesn't Emma look magnificent?"

Regina had been stunned speechless a few times in her life and she can count all of them in one hand. This helped that number require a second hand.

Her ex-wife stood there, her eyes bashfully hidden away from Regina's gaze and Regina was instantly reminded of a painting she once came across in Chicago during her travels. Pause it was called, by Richard S. Johnson. Regina rarely remembered art but that one piece rang something deep within her as she took in the brush strokes and use of colour.

Tall and toned muscles flexing under her gaze, Emma's blonde hair hung in waves to her back, she stood with a quiet grace while nervous hands playing with each other. In her gown, her strong, sharp features suddenly looked delicate, classic with wide green eyes and lush pink lips.

Regina finally remembered that she'd be asked a question.

"Yes," she said breathlessly, "magnificent."

Jaq leered at her teasingly while Emma desperately wished she could go back and hide in her dressing room.

"Well gee, don't mind us, we're just chopped liver," Ruby spoke knowingly, as she watched the scene unfold before her. She would have loved for it to continue but Emma looked like she was about to transform into a ripe tomato.

Regina turned and raised a dubious brow, "I'm not sure. You do look nice but I've only ever seen you in red. Wisteria seems… odd on you…"

The comment made Ruby bristle like an agitated rattlesnake. "See M&M?! Purple isn't me!"

"It is for my wedding," the schoolteacher said offhandedly as she fixed Ashley's dress.

Ruby growled again, determined to get her red back one way or another.

Emma was still blushing from how Regina had just _looked_ at her. Like it was the first time they'd ever seen each other. She focused on moving around her little stool as if she was preparing for a runway show. But her entire body was latched onto the woman who was now sitting in an empty chair with a coffee pressed to her lips.

Emma was insanely aware of each movement of that mouth. How they parted, how those red lips inched away from each other as her drink came closer. And how that soft, pink tongue slowly moved against the lid as she took a sip. A quiver ran through Emma's gut and she quite literally jolted on her stool.

"I have to change!" She announced. All eyes shot to her and before anyone could object, Emma ran back to where she'd left her clothes. Furiously, she drew the curtain to a close and growled to herself as she tried reaching around the back in search for that godforsaken zipper.

She was irritated. She was frustrated. She was ridiculously aware of how much her body was demanding to be sated of its lust for the mayor _by_ the mayor.

The thought of Regina pinned underneath her, moaning and gasping in pleasure suddenly was too much and Emma let out a grieved whimper.

"Emma?"

The sound of her name made her jump.

"Emma, it's just me," Regina's voice rang through her like a lost symphony, easing her muscles and soothing her mind as it resonated through her, "are you alright?"

"F-fine, I'm just fine," Emma tried to say.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Emma muttered loud enough to be heard. She tried reaching for her back to unzip her dress once more when she realized that pain in her left shoulder was making it difficult for her to do it on her own. She could… but…

"Actually, um…" her voice dropped to a low pitch, "would you mind… helping me with this?"

There was a short silence and Emma thought perhaps Regina had left already.

That was until she heard, "sure, can I come in now?"

"Uh huh," Emma muttered, her less than innocent plot all too evident if her dilated pupils were any indication.

The sound of metal rings sliding against a pole echoed quickly until it was pulled back to give them privacy. Regina stood there expectantly, dressed in a cashmere, black and white striped sweater that was slightly pulled to the side of her shoulders, revealing the corner of a wicked, teasing collarbone. The sleeves had been rolled up to her elbows as she stood on one foot, while dark skinny jeans that clung to her skin.

"Can you," Emma whispered, "unzip me please?"

She could see Regina's dark eyes staring at her back as Emma pulled her hair to the side, revealing the creamy expanse of her back. She screamed internally when she noticed the dark woman's eyes run up and down her spine, her throat muscles slightly tense.

"Of course," Regina said with minimum difficulty. Her thin, elegant hands reached out and though she meant to touch only the outline of the dress, her fingertips still fell on Emma's skin. Violent electricity shot through her arms and it was all she could do to not pounce on the blonde.

Mesmerized by the forbidden fruit that lay before her, Regina had unconsciously started chewing on her bottom lip as the thin zipper fell further down, revealing more of that delicious skin.

Her hands had reached the arch of Emma's back, her waist now all too clear for her eyes to hungrily take in when she looked up and saw her own reflection along with Emma's in the mirror.

_Oh boy_, she thought. No, it wasn't right. Now was not the time for this.

"Emma…" she had meant her voice to sound strong, confident, she really did. She was going to leave right now. Leave this room and let this moment take hold on another day, another time. But what she hadn't meant is for how much need to be soaked in how she said the blonde's name.

And it effectively burned away Emma's restraints.

The blonde turned with the speed of a panther, pushing her lips into Regina's until the smaller woman was pressed against the wall, pulling at her tight and firm.

Emma's whole world exploded behind her eyes. She'd kissed this woman a dozen times, in a million ways but never had she ever felt herself pour so wholeheartedly into a kiss. Regina tasted of the bitter coffee mixed with something that was entirely _Regina_.

It was intoxicating.

The air held of vanilla and the perfume of the store and the wave of her body heat. Emma's grip tightened around her, desire singing its siren song through her veins, pounding in her head until all her thoughts became centred around Regina.

She tangled her hands in her dark hair, letting the silky strands slip through her fingers like a rainstorm, her lower body pushing desperately into the mayor searching for contact.

"Emma…" Regina uttered, her thoughts becoming clouded as Emma claimed all that rightfully belonged to her.

"No talking," the blonde growled, pressing her lips against hers and to her delight, felt Regina's parted lips and drowned in the taste and texture of her tongue.

_Oh god…_ Regina moaned when Emma's demanding tongue pressed against her own. Finally, in need of air, Emma pulled away but her attention immediately went to Regina's neck, kissing and nipping lovingly as her hands sought to touch all of Regina. Using the tips of her fingers, Emma buried her hands at Regina's sides, caressing the skin of her abdomen with her nails.

Regina's blissful expression and anxious hiss prompted her to move further down her waist until her thumbs pushed through the waistline of her jeans.

"Emma… stop…" Regina tried again, trying to squirm away.

Emma was so lost in lust that she barely heard Regina's use of her name or her weak refusal.

She sucked harder on Regina's pulse, determined to leave a mark that showed all the world that Regina Mills once again belonged to someone. Her specifically. Her mouth sucked greedily, her tongue pressing hard to leave her declaration.

Hooking her thumb around her pants, she was about to push down Regina's jeans and take what was hers'. She could practically _smell_ Regina's desires.

"I SAID STOP!"

Emma was suddenly pushed away, her body immediately missing the warmth it was bathed in just moments ago. Confused, she looked up at Regina, her thundering heart calming somewhat when she saw the anger in Regina's eyes even through its aroused haze.

As the seconds passed, Regina's breaths grew steady and the anger in her eyes faded enough for Emma to dare to be brave again. She reached out her fingers towards Regina's cheeks. The Mayor flinched at the sight of her fingers and Emma froze. Numbly, she withdrew her hand.

"I-I thought you wanted this," Emma spoke in genuine confusion.

Regina waited for the anger to fade from her system, for the adrenaline to dilute from her blood until she sighed and moved forward towards the shaking blonde.

"I do, I really do," she lifted Emma's chin and brought their foreheads together, "just… not now… not like this is all, okay?"

Emma's eyes sought into Regina's, looking for answers she didn't even know the questions to. _Why not now? We want each other, don't we? You want me don't you? We've been so good… we've been so good together… Regina…_ Her panicked sought for where she may have misread the signs. When their hands touched timidly at the diner before their first date. When she first kissed Regina when she was sick. When her lips fell against her neck when they were dancing in the kitchen.

Tears filled her eyes thinking Regina had rejected her and she sharply turned away from Regina's hand.

"Hey," Regina tried, letting her body envelop Emma's as she pulled her close. Surprised by her attempt to make her feel better, Emma tried to push away the knot of frustrated anger, which never seemed to go away. "I want this, I want this _so, SO _much," Regina emphasised. She waited until she felt Emma relax in her embrace, holding her for a few minutes until she finally stepped back, hoping to God she was doing the right thing. "But we're not ready… not for this…"

Regina watched Emma struggle with her words. Sighing, she retreated away from the taller woman, hoping that Emma will come to her senses when she allowed her heart and not her loins to think sooner rather than later.

"I'll see you at home?" Regina asked. When she saw no reaction from the other woman, she swallowed the lump in her throat and stepped outside into the much needed fresh air.

She ignored Ruby's curious gaze and quickly said goodbye to the other two as she all but sped out of the shop, eager to go home and settle herself under a cold shower. She was still human after all and resisting Emma was like asking an alcoholic to resist rare vintage wine.

Back in the dressing room, Emma fell to the ground in a broken mess, wondering why Regina didn't want her.

It wasn't until Mary Margaret came to make sure she was okay that Emma managed to pull herself together.

* * *

**We had to have _some_ angst after a while, didn't we?**


	17. Cleaning Up Our Toxic, Beautiful Mess

**TRIGGER WARNING just in case.**

* * *

Emma Swan was pissed off. She'd been pissed for the fact that Regina could sit there, laughing at whatever Henry had told her while she was trying not to implode on the spot. She was pissed at how Regina looked graciously over her, took in the tension in the muscles of her fingers as she held her utensils and offered a comforting yet nervous smile.

No, she wasn't just pissed off. She was furious. Reining back the wildcat impulse to slap those strong dark features cost more in self-control that she would ever know.

Regina noticed the blonde across the table who was struggling to keep her emotions in check in front of Henry. The level of anger being directed towards her was still painfully obvious. Eyes darkening to pitch castigated her every time she met Regina's gaze. Emma kept throwing sparks of loathing at her that Regina was becoming all too annoyed with.

Not that she'd ever let her know that.

It had been barely a week since the _incident_, as Regina took to calling it in her head. And Emma had given her the cold shoulder every which way possible. It somehow became an unspoke rule that Emma will make her appearance for dinner with herself and Henry and once their son was tucked away safely in the comfort of his bed and dreams, the blonde would run back into the guest room, hiding away from the mayor as if she was Satan himself.

Tonight however, Emma seemed to have lowered her defences enough to at least stick around and help Regina put away the dishes.

"'Revenge' is supposed to be on tonight," Regina said as she ran the sponge over a plate, scrubbing at the centre until it gleamed.

"Hmm," was all the mayor received. She turned to see Emma tossing the dirty dishtowel she'd been holding to the side.

"I haven't seen it myself but Ruby won't stop bothering me with reviews and praises on it. Something about me and blonde beauties, she mentioned."

It earned enough of a reaction from Emma. She turned and an impermissible smile flickered in her sea green eyes. _Come on! Do it damn it! Smile!_ Regina looked meekly at her. _For the love of God, let me see that you have teeth…_ The "smile" or whatever would have to wait. It was gone almost instantaneously.

Emma left the room.

Sighing behind her, Regina cleaned the damn tables and swept the floor, wiped off the counter and packed away the dishes.

Maybe she should just go up there and quite literally _take _her. It wasn't as if she didn't share the same desires. When she left the bridal store it'd taken an hour of being under the cold, cutting water to get rid of that need settling itself uncomfortably between her thighs.

But then she remembered why she didn't want to and growled at the two dogs fighting in her head.

"_Okay, spill, what the hell happened back there?" Ruby wasted no time chasing after the mayor once she was allowed freedom out of that damn wisteria… lavender… whatever it was, ensemble. _

_Remy was meekly calling after whom she deemed as the mayor's best friend. But the look in the brunette's eyes had said she'd be ripped to shreds if she tried to stop her. Her usual flirtatious nature wiped clean and in that absence, a snarling wolf appeared._

_Regina sighed as she put away her folders. Maybe she needed to get a bouncer for her office._

"_Spill what, dear?" She tried as patiently as possible._

"_Don't patronize me," Ruby warned, "I saw what happened at Jaq's. You and Emma disappeared and less then ten minutes later you shot off like your ass was on fire and when Emma finally graced us with her presence, she looked like she'd been crying all day."_

"…_. She did?"_

_The guilt in the mayor's voice calmed down the fuming waitress somewhat. "Yeah…" she said again more gently, "what's going on Regina? Didn't you what that with her?"_

_Regina glanced up at intelligent chocolate eyes. Of course, Ruby had figured out what had or had almost happened in the dressing room._

"_Of course I do, Ruby," she said slowly, turning to face an open window that looked out into the town. "I'm just not ready yet…"_

"_Okay, why? We both know you've been on a dry spell since Emma left and God woman, you NEED someone or something."_

"_Well that's just it isn't it?" Regina muttered, "We both know I haven't been with anyone since Emma left… how do I know she hasn't?"_

_Ruby's eyes relaxed as the truth washed over her._

"_I know it's silly and I know it's wrong… we were apart for a year and we weren't even together. We're not even together now," Regina tried reasoning with herself more than with Ruby, "but it still feels like she _cheated_ if she had… she was my first Ruby… my actual FIRST in almost every damn sense of the word and I'd envisioned being her last for years… it still hurts that she threw that away…."_

"_Regina, why don't you just ask her?"_

_The Mayor's crazed eyes snapped up at her, "And what does that accomplish? I'd only be furious if I found out and we both know that would only make Emma become even more defensive than she is now. And Jesus, what right do I? Her abusive ex-wife, have to the privacy of her life? Especially if I possibly made her _RUN _into someone else's bed in the first place."_

_The memories of the nightmares that filled her subconscious began their invasion. All those horrible visions of Emma being loved by someone else, being caressed by hands that weren't her own. They assaulted her for months until they slowly ceased to make their appearance. _

"_And I'm still SO mad at how she left and again I have no right to feel that way but it still hurts Ruby…" Regina's eyes cast downward at her desk, "do you know what that's like? To be mad and then hate yourself for being mad? I can't even be angry because I'm more in the wrong than she ever was."_

_Ruby settled herself on the desk, sitting comfortably until she reached out and pressed her palm to Regina's cheek. "That doesn't mean you're not entitled to how you feel… don't punish yourself and say you shouldn't feel hurt by what happened to you too."_

"_I can't," Regina gritted out. _

_But even as she said the words all the moments where Emma had failed her came rushing back to the forefront of her mind against her will. Especially that night. The night when she truly fell apart. _

_New Year's. _

_Never before had she felt so broken, so utterly worthless. She wondered if she had turned into Humpty Dumpty, who all the king's horses and all the king's men could never put back together again. She felt unfixable._

_Even Cora never managed that feat. Not to that extent. The day was going so well. She was doing better. Holding herself up together until night came and she was working on some proposals brought forth by Sidney Glass of all people to rearrange the structure of the council. _

Sure_, she thought bitterly, _as if I'm not aware that he's just trying to maneuverer himself into my now empty bed.

_Then all of a sudden the fireworks went off. A cold hate ran through her when she realized that this year, Storybrooke had set up a fireworks festival so that townspeople could enjoy their own miniature show rather than travelling up to Boston for it. _

_Her mind knew that it was just another day, just another celebration. But her wounded heart took it as an insult from the Devil himself, mocking her of her empty house and her missing family._

_She tried to block out the noises of people laughing and cheering. Her eyes focused on the blurred words on the papers before her. _

_But it just kept coming and coming and coming._

_By the time she realized where she was, she'd been curled on the floor, her palms pressed against her ears and her face buried into the carpet. _

"_Stop it, stop it," she muttered uselessly._

_Katia had warned her that this would be hard. That her first new years alone without any family or partner would hit her far worse than she could imagine. But the warning did nothing for the actual event itself. _

_With each passing second into the New Year's, Regina fell apart at the seams until there was nothing more than an empty shell of her physical container. And even the clock struck midnight and made way into the first day of the new year, the happy applauses refused to leave her in peace. _

_Regina was suddenly caught in a whirlwind of bottled emotions resurfacing with the might of a rhino. _

"_See my, dear?" Cora's voice came in. "No one will love you the way I do. A mother knows best after all."_

"_Is that all you have to offer, dear?" the snide, sneering voice echoed. "Well, if that's it I might as well go down to the kindergarten class and ask them for their best attempt. They might actually do better."_

_Daddy never fought for her either. Not when Cora struck her for the first and last time, leaving that scar along her upper lip. When Cora apologized and nursed the wound later, her biological parent had said "I won't do that again to you dear," she dabbed the rubbing alcohol on her lip. Her cruel lips curved into a smile as she placed Band-Aid over it, "we can't lose that pretty face now can we?"_

_She fell deeper into the beliefs that were pounded into her as a child._

"_Useless."_

"_Worthless."_

"_Such a disappointment."_

"_STOP IT!" Regina screamed at the air until she finally found herself in the corner of her room, shivering as she prayed to God sleep took her soon so she could be done with this night. _

I just want Emma,_ she whimpered as she bit on her lower lip, _I just want my family back…. Why can't I have that… what is so wrong with me…?

_Frightened by her own demons, Emma had texted Emma 'happy new year' thinking maybe that'll elicit some form of a decent response. Help her feel less lonely even. The blonde had been contacting her only when she needed something or had something to ask. And with each message Emma sent her, her ex-wife had either consciously or unconsciously refused to use her name. _

_It was such a small thing. A tiny little thing but it rang volumes. _

_Emma no longer saw her as _Regina_, a person. To her, she had just become… this other entity that watched over their son._

_Which is why Katia had told her to stay the hell away from Emma._

_But in the despair of the moment, Regina had sent the message through, her weak mind half wondering what a knife to her wrist would feel like._

_That was when Ruby stepped in. She, of all people, saved her from falling deeper into the dark caverns she had no way of climbing out of_.

_Emma never did reply to that text._

"_If I let this happen with her now," Regina managed to say after she exhaled deeply, allowing all poison out of her heart, "I won't be giving myself to her. It won't be with the right intentions and I can't do that to her or to myself. I… I need to be over this before any of THAT happens."_

_Ruby narrowed her eyes, taking in the confession. "But Regina, what you need is an apology from her too," she ignored Regina's stricken look, "I know, I know you won't ask that of her but that's what you need. And you won't ever get that unless you _talk _to her. It's not fair on you to take on all the mistakes you've made in the past and then think you don't deserve something as simple as a sorry from her. She hurt you too, 'Gina."_

_Regina smiled with such a forlorn look Ruby had to resist pulling her into a hug, "but if I do… how can I be sure she won't run again?"_

That was the fear essentially. That should she bring this up, Emma would go back to hiding away from her more so than she is now. The woman was never good at truly committing or taking responsibility whereas Regina had been a more 'all or nothing' sort of character; including all the good, the bad and the ugly.

Should she, one of Emma's many abusive members of her past, want an apology for how she was treated (even if Katia and Ruby had been insistent that she didn't deserve such behaviour, not after she'd been trying so hard to be better), what guarantee did she have that Emma wouldn't lose her head on the spot, let alone sincerely apologize.

Her mind could only come up with one scenario should she let Emma know just how far she fell when the blonde left.

Emma looking at her with shock, then guilt, then anger as all walls came raging back up because _Regina_ had put this all on her. Emma becoming furious that Regina would dare make her feel like the villain when it was Regina who started this mess.

Then Regina would sigh and say "yeah… I did… I started the snowball/avalanche, and I'm sorry for that I truly am… but what more can I do to make up for that? You have my entire apology and the sincerest of it. But my dear… it was you who ended it, shooting at the dead horse over and over even when it was done. You kept stabbing at me, punishing me, even when you knew how dearly I was paying for my sins. So I ask you this. Did I really deserve all that? If you feel that I do… there's nothing left between us to understand."

Then Emma would leave.

No. No, she couldn't let that happen.

Henry wouldn't survive it a second time.

And she wasn't sure she would either.

So she sighed. She took a deep breath, eased the wrinkles on her forehead and pressed her lips together.

She counted to ten, breathed, and kept cleaning.

* * *

Meanwhile, Emma was tossing in her bed, her thoughts rampaging in her head refusing to leave her be.

Self-disgust dealt her another swiping blow. Her behaviour, the thoughts in her head, put her to the same shelf that all the foster families before had bombarded on her. Emma might act like a woman but she was still a child at heart. Settling briskly on her feet, she walked away from the bed, furious with herself and with Regina for making her feel like an animal.

What was so wrong with wanting to intimately be with someone you loved? It was only natural. Yet Regina had just pushed her away, and kept looking at her as if she was a child to be patiently doted on and not a woman to be ravished.

Where were those eyes that devoured her in that six by five dressing room?

The weight of rejection settled heavily over her strong shoulders and she took another swig of her flask. With alcohol-induced freedom, she thundered out of her room searching for the centre of her dark thoughts. Anger tugging at her senses, she was aware enough to realize that Regina was no longer in the kitchen.

That only left one place at this time of night. Her bedroom.

Emma headed down the familiar hallway until she came face to face with Regina's door. She knocked hard, even pounding but there was no answer. Growling, she pushed open the door and found her woman nowhere in sight. She hazily thought maybe Regina was still downstairs until she heard the sound of running water.

Her lead feet dragged her into the mayor's personal bathroom and stepped in. The sight before her made her skin tingle with possessive need.

The mayor was even more beautiful than she remembered. Despite the healthy steam that now misted over the shower glass doors, she could see _everything_. Her body was pelted with hot water that dripped seductively along her sinfully curved back.

_She'd been working out_, Emma realized.

Yes, the Mayor's form was more toned than when she last felt it quiver underneath her naked body. Her thighs showed light muscles that only made Emma wonder what it would be like to have them wrapped around her head while she made her violently orgasm. Her back was arched like a mewling cat and her short hair clung to her neck. The biceps on her arms flexed as she sponged herself.

Everything about her was seductive. Everything about this woman _demanded_ to be claimed. So why not her? What was so wrong with her that she couldn't have this goddess before her?

Growling at the thought, she stormed through the steam and viciously swung the door open, earning a surprised cry from the mayor.

Shocked, smouldering charcoal clashed with blue-green ocean as the mayor feebly tried to cover herself but it was too late. Emma had already seen what she would now take.

"E-Emma, what're you doing?" Regina cried out, trying to reach for the towel that hung on the wall when Emma effectively pinned her, her lips latching onto wet ones.

"This," Emma snarled when hot water burned through her top and onto her skin. "All of this," her hands felt at Regina's breasts, making the mayor gasp at rough treatment, "is mine."

Emma felt her own desire heighten at each moment, aggression and anger only fuelling her need to dominate. To take.

_Regina is mine_, she bit deep into the smaller woman's shoulder, holding her wrists in a tight grip above her head against the tiled walls as her thigh pushed into her, moaning at the sensation of having Regina's bare sex against her. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed having this with Regina until this moment.

_Mine_, she kissed Regina again, feeling her struggle against her body but this was how they always made love in the past. Desperate, and rough with a tinge of violence.

_Mine_.

"Emma, please… please just stop…"

Emma couldn't hear her. She brought both of Regina's wrists in one hand as her now free palm kneed soft, smooth flesh that was just oiled from her bath. The fragrance of almond filled her mind as she groaned with need.

Her hand travelled down to Regina's sex, whimpering when she felt sharp curls tease her fingertips until they reached familiar slickness.

Finally, she kissed her neck harder, proof that she wanted this just as much as Emma.

Emma moaned into her shoulder, prepared to thrust her fingers in and demand a climax out of Regina's body when she felt a whisper against her ear.

"Emma… you're hurting me…"

The words shocked enough to pause. Emma grew as still as a statute. Silence shrouded them in painful agony with nothing more than the soft resonances of water filling the air.

If it weren't for the alcohol, Emma would've drowned in shame and disgust. But as it was, she just felt more wounded than anything. Her wet golden hair clung to her cheeks. She raised her head and stared at Regina.

"Why…" she muttered. "Why don't you want me… we need this 'Gina… we're…."

As Emma fell to the floor, Regina held her close, falling with her. The small woman held them together, trying to give Emma as much comfort as possible. How was she going to tell her the truth in this state?

That she was scared. That the _last _time she'd touched Emma, her ex-wife had just left her feeling used and defied. That she needed Emma to promise to stay this time, when she's about to share everything. That she won't run. That if she opens that door to Emma again, she'll be expecting the promise of a lifetime and not a 'maybe, let's see how it goes'.

So she did what she could. Under the water that was now ribboning her skin with ice, she pulled up the blonde's face to hers and kissed her.

Emma moaned at the touch, tears cascading down her cheeks, mixing with that of the water as Regina finally came to her this time. It was so gentle, so soft, so _giving. _Emma bathed in the trust and security she felt from those gentle lips that rubbed against hers when her eyes shattered open.

Regina was giving. Willingly. And she was about to take. Without consent. The blonde looked startled with herself, as if a gun had just gone off in her head. Her whole body wrought with guilt when she remembered how she'd just demanded Regina to share herself with her.

Even when Regina told her to stop.

She pulled away, glaring at Regina in shock but the loathing was all directed inwards. "Oh God, oh God I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" She tried to get up and run but Regina pulled her back down.

"No," was the resolute command.

"I hurt you… I… you said stop and I just… I can't… Regina… no…"

Regina's hold on her tightened.

"No."

"'Gina…" Emma struggled, all her previous strength washing away with the water down the drain.

Alcohol did that to people. You ran high on emotions and you were either a furious drunk or a sobbing mess. Those who stayed in the lines between were few and far.

"If you run, you don't get to have this chance with me again," Regina spoke into Emma's forehead, making a silent resolution with herself to keep this promise as she said the words. "You run, and it will be done forever, do you understand?"

The threat halted Emma in her tracks enough to allow Regina to relax her hold. She kissed her forehead again, trying to wash away her fears and terror, her skin shaking from the cold as she did.

"I'm- I'm sorry…"

It wasn't alright, what Emma did. Just barging in and throwing herself on her like a dog without restraint. She wanted to hate her for it but she found that all her hate had wearied itself out over the past few months.

So she sighed, taking another deep breath like she has been doing a lot of late. She leaned back against the tile and felt Emma snuggle deeper into her. Despite the blonde's desire to escape the consequences of what she'd done, she still wanted Regina.

"I know…"

Regina knew she couldn't put off talking anymore.

It was time.

It was time that they cleaned up the toxic and beautiful mess that was Emma and Regina.

* * *

"Anger ... it's a paralyzing emotion ... you can't get anything done. People sort of think it's an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling —- I don't think it's any of that —- it's helpless ... it's absence of control —- and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers ... and anger doesn't provide any of that —- I have no use for it whatsoever."

― Toni Morrison

**In my experience, anger just… sort of comes and goes at times without warning. And that was what I tried to capture in this chapter. Emma had been mad for a while and Regina, with her own fears of Emma leaving once she opened all the doors to her again, didn't dare pursue what she wanted. **

**That left them in a horrible state of stasis and while Regina was willing to move slowly, Emma herself hasn't actually gone through any major changes. She still deals with things the way she had before. So it just… exploded.**

**What Emma did was wrong but she loves Regina enough to knowing hurting her is never an option.**

**I hope this was a good chapter.**

**Enjoy your weekend everyone.**

**Cheers.**


	18. Make or Break

**A/N:**

**This chapter may not be what you guys are hoping for or expecting but after a brief sabbatical from LLU and careful consideration (and repetitive edits) of what should happen after the last chapter's incident, I felt this was the right way to go.**

**I hope I was right.**

**So yeah, hope everyone enjoys their weekend :)**

* * *

By the time Regina's bedside alarm blared incessantly at 7.30 in the morning, the mayor had already finished her morning routine that began with a light meal, followed by a half an hour jog, and stopped by at Dea's Café on Wheels near the docks for a quick caffé latte to go. This time, she also ordered a freshly made chicken bagel for the blonde in her bed that would no doubt be in dire need of protein to ease the hangover.

Emma was groaning when Regina stepped into her room, a lacy pillow covering her tussled blonde head but then tossed it aside when she realized it was doing nothing to muffle the pounding in her skull.

Groaning, she shifted lightly on the damp sheets. The pillow tumbled away.

A shaft of sunlight nearly fried her retinas. She squeezed her eyelids and muttered, "I'm in hell."

"I don't think they serve juice in hell, dear," Regina spoke, a vague amusement lightly touching her voice as she settled her offerings on the bedside table.

Once Emma realized she wasn't in her own bedroom, she jack-knifed, her eyes snapping open and twisted toward the voice.

Ooh, big mistake. Sharp pulses lanced her brain like pointy metal spikes. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

"Here," Regina sat down on a chair pulled close to the bed. Her hand held out a glass of juice to the hung-over resident in her room just a foot away from her. "This will help."

Emma nodded meekly and took the glass. She gripped tightly at her head, hissing as she sipped on the drink. Her lips curled in a grimace as the fresh flavour mixed with the tainted morning tang in her mouth, leaving a horrible taste beneath her tongue.

Once Regina was satisfied that Emma would live, she leaned back in her chair and sipped on her coffee. Her eyes drifted down the blonde's body, and quickly turned her gaze.

Emma frowned at the behaviour. "What?" she demanded.

"Perhaps, you'd like to cover yourself?" Regina clarified without looking at her.

The blonde glanced down, her cheeks coloured with a furious shade of red once she noticed.

She was naked. In Regina's bed.

The glass in her hand nearly tumbled when she fisted the sheets around her chest, glazed blue eyes determinedly averted from her ex when she began wondering how she got there to begin with.

"Your clothes were soaked," Regina faced her again once she was decent, "I couldn't very well let you sleep wet, now could I?"

Slowly, Emma began to recall last night's sequence of events. Embarrassment flooding her cheeks, she fixated her sight on the threads of her blanket.

"Where did you sleep?" she mumbled.

Regina's lips enclosed on the opening of her paper cup and swallowed, "in the guest room," she sat the cup down over her crossed legs. "It didn't exactly seem appropriate to share the bed with you."

The mayor purposely left out the part where she stayed in bed with a weeping Emma for a good hour until she finally passed out. And then afterwards, it had taken her a good amount of detangling before she was finally able to sneak out.

Emma recovered enough courage to dare steal a glance at the brunette, guilt climbing up her spine and knotting into her stomach when she noticed the light dark circles under those dark brown eyes.

"I'm really sorry," she began, "I don't know what came over me. I was really drunk and-"

"That's no excuse."

The harshness in Regina's voice stunned her into silence. Her eyebrows curved up, like a puppy trying to identify an unfamiliar sound when she realized she'd just be fairly reprimanded like a child.

And she deserved it.

"Here," Regina's voice gentled when she realized how she must have sounded. Trying to smile, she held out the bagel to Emma in a mild gesture of peace.

The blonde uttered a weak 'thank you' and soundlessly began eating.

Regina watched the different emotions play across the bounty hunter's face. She had this strange sensation of déjà vu, as if watching colours of different shades erratically mixing in a barrel.

_Oh right_, she recalled, _Henry's first art attempt when he was five_.

She shook the memory away. "How're you feeling?"

Emma felt her throat constrict. There was a light defeat in how Regina asked her that question.

She _really_ didn't like it.

"A little better," she muttered, taking another bite and swallowing despite how it tasted, because Regina had bought it for her.

A few minutes passed in agonizing silence and Emma tried again.

"I really am sorry…"

She heard a low sigh escape Regina's lips. "I know…" the mayor muttered. The same words she used last night.

Emma frowned dejectedly. With Regina's hair pulled back into a ponytail she had an unwelcome, perfect visual of the weight that settled on Regina's lips and her downcast eyes.

"What can I do?" Emma asked in a growing panic, "tell me what to do and I'll do it."

That seemed to shock some life into Regina.

"What do you mean?" she asked in genuine confusion.

Emma bit down on her lip, her eyes still blurring from the lingering alcohol and the rush of emotions. "I… I want to fix this."

Regina paused for a moment, contemplating on how to approach whatever _this _was. It wasn't exactly as if they were a couple. They were barely a _thing_ let alone a _thing _that needed fixing.

She wanted to give Emma some direction of where to start sure, which was essentially herself but she didn't want to seem like she was lording over the blonde either. What's worse, she didn't want to end up enabling her ex, giving Emma the easy answers every time she came upon an obstacle.

But with Katia off on her one month retreat and clueless as to how to approach Emma into seeing Doctor Hopper, she swallowed lightly and exhaled the agents of fear happily colonizing her lungs.

"The flask," Regina stated coldly, ignoring the dumbstruck look on Emma's face as she said those two words.

Regina stared hard at her for a few seconds before she made her demand.

"Get rid of it."

Emma's mouth parted slightly.

"That's not negotiable," she gave Emma no chance to respond. That disgusting metal object was the first thing she noticed when she found Emma sick and again, when she stepped into Emma's room last night to sleep after that shower ordeal. Twice now it'd send Emma on a downward spiral.

She'd be damned if she let it happen a third time.

Emma half considered arguing but the unyielding resolve in Regina's tightening pupils and braced jaw told her there was no argument to be made. At least not one where she could win with her dignity intact.

Holding the paper bag in her hand, her long fingers crunched on it lightly before she swallowed. "Okay…" she nodded.

Regina observed her for a few minutes. Wondering just how much Emma meant that 'okay'.

Finally finished with her drink, Regina stood up, remembering that she needed to go meet Ruby for their usual Saturday lunch date.

Emma was looking at her expectantly, as if waiting for more orders but it wasn't going to be that easy.

It couldn't be.

You had to earn the right to wear the scars you had with pride and scream to the world 'you did your worst! But I did _my best_ and I came out stronger than ever'. And that could only happen after you first admit that you need help.

Emma hasn't done that yet.

She picked up Emma's empty glass and with her now hollow cup, turned and began towards the door.

Regina considered asking Emma to go back to Granny's Inn, to give them both some space while they figured things out. But she knew such a request would devastate Henry. Still she had to do something. _Say _something that would get Emma to rise up to who she knew the blonde could be and maybe along the way, someone Regina and Henry needed her to be as well.

Finally, she turned and stared resolutely at the blonde. She watched the blonde's knuckles turn white against the blanket she held to her chest, her eyebrows drawing in fear and apprehension as she waited.

"This is it, dear," Regina spoke clearly, making sure Emma received the full message of her words, "it's make or break now. And in the end, it's really up to you."

With that, she left Emma to determine her life for herself, her dark hair flowing behind her almost like a foreboding moment of curtains drawing to a close after the last and final act of a play.

* * *

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

― Maya Angelou, _Letter to My Daughter_


	19. Journal

"Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me'. Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole world."

― حافظ

* * *

There're a lot of things Henry doesn't like. His long list includes chillies, rainstorms, paint under his nails, wet socks and the latest Green Lantern movie.

Bunsen burners were another item on his list. As often as his science teacher, Mr Lovell tries to persuade him that it was safe, the twelve-year-old is always convinced that somehow the hideous glow would jump out of the barrel, incinerate him, his mom's favourite school uniform and even his seat just to complete the job. So every time science class rolls along, he sits through the hour, staring at the device as if he could prevent his calculated demise by pure will.

If you were lucky, he'd tell you of how when he was five, he was watching Chip n' Dale on TV, sitting between ma's legs when he heard noises coming from the kitchen. Playing with the blonde curls flowing from above, he nervously asked her what was happening in there. She just shrugged, turning on the volume.

True to the Swan-Mills name, he pestered her until she surrendered an answer.

"That's her lair kid. I don't question or mess with what goes on in her lair."

Needless to say, his curiosity was peaked. He jumped out of her arms and toddled his way into the kitchen. Mom saw him come in and smiled, setting the heat on low even though Henry's been told countless times that he's not allowed on the side where the stoves are.

He stood on his toes, peering over the island because he's always been tiny for his age and watched in awe. Mom seemed to know where everything is without even looking. She went from cabinet to cabinet, gliding over the hardwood floors, adding seasonings into the pot as she did. Every so often she would pause, dipping a spoon into the curry for a taste and grinning when Henry assumed, it was flawless. Once in a while, she'd even let Henry have a taste and ask what he thought was missing.

He was getting excited to be of help and wanted to do more when the phone started to ring.

Mom shouted out for ma to answer but when it kept ringing, she scowled and went outside.

Henry stayed back staring at the simmering pot when he decided he'd help.

The next two hours was spent in the hospital. The small boy fought back a sob and clutched onto mom's apron, which she still had on while the doctors applied analgesic over the first-degree burn. Ma came in later and held him close, wrapping her long arms over both him and mom, saying he was okay over and over until his tiny, choked whimpers subsided. For two months after that, Henry was never out of their sight for long. Lucky for them, he stopped wanting to roam into the kitchen too.

There was still a light burn scar on his forearm but Henry carries it with pride because he's a boy and boys think scars are cool.

Even if it was from a culinary accident.

So yes, he doesn't like Bunsen burners.

But those are just the small things. Right now what he really, really doesn't like though is the way his ma and mom are glancing at each other when they think the other isn't looking.

It's infuriating, to be perfectly honest.

He wants to comment but instead, sits quietly and observes their behaviour because he does really want them to get back together. But at the rate they're going, he might very well have to pick up a bow and arrow to play Cupid.

Ma looks at mom.

Mom looks back at ma.

Ma turns away.

Mom catches Henry's glance and offers a small smile.

_Don't smile at me, smile at her!_

Henry sulked at their glacial pace at courtship and slid into his seat.

Mom tried to pick up the conversation by settling the topic around Henry. A tactic she's been exhausting ever since ma moved back in. He'd hoped their attempt to follow through on the lunch date they missed out when ma got sick would at least get them talking on other things.

Like if ma was back for good.

But his gut tells him he shouldn't ask this question so he brought up his science project. A few minutes later, he was still animatedly grumbling about how Nate can't get the solar systems right because he's researching the wrong books. It earned a laugh from both his parents and he rejoices internally for it.

Mid-conversation, Ruby came along and placed a salad dish in front of mom, one he knew she could easily improve with her homemade dressing, fish and chips for ma and a chicken fried sandwich for himself.

He ignored mom's pointed look when he generously dipped a fry into the mayonnaise cup.

He remembered what ma had said about his late birthday trip and was about to ask when they could go when Miss Blanchard treaded into the diner, asking for mom's assistance with something.

Probably another question about colours for her wedding. Henry frowned, wondering why girls got so crazy about things like melon, violet, cherry shades when they all looked orange, pink and red to him.

_Why are girls so complicated?_

He was about to ask ma that question when he looked up, still chewing when he saw the expression on her face. Her gaze was directed to Miss Blanchard and mom. He turned and saw mom giving his teacher the same look she gives Henry when she's about to make him do something he doesn't want to do.

Like flu shots.

Mom tried to coax Miss Blanchard who quite literally turned a whole different shade of colour instead. The smaller woman whipped her head furiously to Ruby who was leaning over the counter with a wolfish grin.

"WE ARE NOT DOING THAT!" Miss Blanchard all but squeals.

"Aw how cute, it thinks it has a choice," Ruby teased, unfairly enjoying the stricken look on his teacher's face.

Ma chuckled at his side.

"What're they talking about ma?"

"Nothing kid, you'll understand when you're older," Ma patted his head and went back to her fish and chips.

He frowned at the answer went back to eating all the same.

From the corner of his eye, he saw his mom quite literally step in between Miss Blanchard and Ruby even though the counter already separated them. It looked serious but mom just seemed entertained with it all.

Miss Blanchard said something Henry didn't catch and the two women erupted into a loud laughter. Ma stiffened in her seat and peeked at the trio from the corner of her eyes.

There it was. That sad look on her face again.

Henry's cheeks tensed.

_Why did THEY have to be so complicated?_

Yes, out of all the things he doesn't like, this would be on the top of his list.

Ma staring at mom like she's lost her for good.

It was so easy. So simple to fix. Mom loved ma. Ma obviously loved mom. So why weren't they fixing it?

He grunted to himself, earning a look from his ma and a concerned question. He shrugged it off with another bite of his fries. All the while, mom's salad went cold because she was still mediating between Miss Blanchard and Ruby who were bickering back and forth.

The tiny brunette kept saying 'absolutely not' but whatever she didn't want to have, it seemed like Ruby was determined to get because her smirk just kept getting bigger and bigger.

It even earned a laugh from ma. And for the first time in a while, it sounded like a genuine one.

He looked up and saw that mom had heard it too. She turned towards them and kept her gaze on ma, a content smile touching her face this time.

A look passes between them, something like hope, Henry concludes. But it was over too quick and both women turned back to their separate tasks.

They don't talk, Henry realized. They don't talk and it's stupid. For adults who keep telling him how important it is to talk out his feelings if or when he was confused, his parents sure did one hell of a tango number when it came down to verbal communication.

So he tried to figure out how to help them.

The fried chip paused a few inches away from his lips when he remembered how mom began writing a lot in a journal a few months after ma left. Sometimes she was really calm about it, sometimes she seemed furious. She always tried to hide from Henry but he'd still seen a lot of different books pass through her hands.

Especially during the first few months ma was gone.

He hadn't seen her write much now though.

He asked her about it once and she said it was where she wrote about things that made her happy and sometimes, things that made her sad. Henry asked if he could read them and met with a very firm 'no'.

So maybe, if mom wasn't talking to ma, maybe she was still writing in her book. Maybe if Henry could get one of those books to ma, and ma read it, she would understand mom better and they would make up.

It was brilliant, he decided.

With that, mom returned and Henry finished his meal. Completely unaware of the domino effect he was about to unleash.

* * *

It was a few hours before Emma returned to her room exhausted. Henry went to a sleepover and Regina was dropping him off, leaving her alone in the mansion.

It was a good lunch date for the small family. Witnessing Mary Margaret squirm about her upcoming bachelorette party had been hysterical but sadly, things were still tense between her and Regina.

Despite how messed up the situation was becoming, Regina had been kind enough to let her remain in the house. The two walked on eggshells around each other, careful not to set off any alarm bells in Henry's head while they figured out how to deal with things. Regina suggested counselling and when Emma asked when Archie would be free, she shook her head and said she had another person in mind. A woman she'd been seeing for months now, (a confession Emma was stunned to hear) but won't be back until the end of the month.

So for now, they made the ground rules that they wouldn't get too personal with each other. Dates, kisses, were all out of the question as they tried to remain as amicable as possible.

_Friends without the friendship_, Emma mused miserably.

The former deputy sighed, wondering how things fell apart so quickly and ducked into her bed. As she did, she groaned at the angry light streaming onto her face through the curtains. Huffing, she stood up and pulled the drapes together, happy for the quiet haven of her guest bedroom.

She hissed as the migraine she'd had since morning came thundering back into her skull with a vengeance. Her feet dragged their way into the side table she knew Regina always kept spare medication incase a guest needed it and didn't know where to find it in the house.

When she did, she almost failed to notice the black moleskin book sitting next to the pills. Her eyebrows furrowed, confusion dancing on her features as she picked it up. It looked like one of those books people kept as journals. But Regina never liked to write and even if she did, she wouldn't keep something so personal of hers lying around in someone else's room.

Before she thought better of it, she flipped open the pages and immediately recognized the handwriting.

This was definitely Regina's book.

She recalled their ground rules and had meant to close the book, she really did. She had every intention of honouring their agreement to keep things neutral between them but her attention was immediately were drawn to the first words her eyes landed on.

It started with _Dear Emma_.

She couldn't stop reading.

* * *

**A/N: I apologize profusely for the two months delay. So much has happened in my life over the past few weeks consisting of moving, travelling and making a lot of adjustments into adulthood (which sucks). I'd been working on a new chapter for a while now, trying to figure out where we could go from here. This idea this hit me a few nights ago and I finally feel like I know how to continue this story again. After careful editing to the best of my abilities, here it is.**


	20. Knight to Queen

"When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you've created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, you got stamped REJECT by the one you love."

—Helen Fielding, _Bridget Jones's Diary_

* * *

Regina breathed in deeply the cold air that filled her office. With her legs crossed and her coffee sitting patiently in her palms, she was happy to have this rare moment of peace that came too scarcely in her life now.

As if she didn't have enough responsibilities as the Mayor and a mother, she now also had the additional big sister duties of an acting arbitrator between the relentlessly teasing Ruby and the ever-petulant Mary Margaret.

_Let's not forget the wedding that's coming up in less than a month as well._

She sighed and took in a sip of her mocha, a coffee she'd been curious to try but never got around to until this morning.

Her gaze returned to the marble chessboard with its scattered pieces. The oddity of her games between her and Henry began when he came in early from school one day and moved a white pawn. Regina, amongst all her paperwork hadn't noticed until the next day. When she did, she moved her own black pawn two squares ahead. Henry returned the next day with Mary Margaret because the schoolteacher decided to bring him over so she could essentially corner Regina into discussing wedding preparations. He noticed the move and picked up another white pawn before placing it on a black square. Then he sat down on the nearest couch and pulled out an Avengers comic book.

Their games began that way. Henry's won two so far while Regina's won only one.

Of course, she'd been throwing the games but with Henry showing a rare interest in something other than books, she was eager to keep his enthusiasm going.

After all, mothers were allowed a few false truths for the sake of their children every once in a while.

Regina's hand quaked a little and she took another sip. Despite the state of the art heating system installed into the building, Regina often liked the semblance of nature that bleeds into her office. It kept her a little more grounded.

With her palms settled on her lap, her thoughts wandered over to this morning. A nagging suspicion wouldn't let the latest set of memories escape from the forefront of her mind.

Emma hadn't joined them for breakfast. A simple, redundant thing if not for the fact that she wasn't in her room either. A note informed Regina that the blonde had gone out for a run. She tried not to think anything of it. Yet her instincts refused to let her shake off the niggling sense that something wasn't right.

It was ridiculous really. There was no evidence of anything out of place other than the fact that Emma's presence was missed at the morning meal.

Still, she supposed she had simply wanted a chance to be alone with the blonde before they left for Boston. Mary Margaret was thrilled to hear the location of her bachelorette's party. Perhaps only internally though, since her face showed only pure horror at the revelation that they'd be visiting a burlesque club in lieu of the strip club she outright refused.

Ruby on the other hand had been ecstatic.

_A chance to see hot ladies dancing provocatively on stage with class?_ _Ruby smirked._ _I'm in!_

It was moments like these that Regina really questioned Ruby's sexuality.

Emma had seemed pleased too.

Lost in the sea thoughts filled with her ex-wife, as it often is, the brunette picked up her bishop and moved it to where it could easily be slain by Henry's knight. She smiled, and barely noticed the unwelcome presence limber into her room.

"Oooh, I'd say that was a bad move, Madam Mayor."

Regina didn't even bother to hide her scowl. "What do you want Gold?" Since his last appearance, the little imp had amplified his attempts to secure the council members, including Regina into his pocket. All last ditch efforts to claim his former power. But being the Mayor had its perks. One of which was having access to a very discrete detective that gathered all the dusty skeletons in the closets of her council members. Which meant she had something very personal and intimate on each one of them. Something they really wouldn't want to get out in a small town like this. It was what made them draw away from all of Gold's attentions.

_Who'd have thought Killian Jones, the docks master would like to cross dress in private?_

Regina gave him a hard glare. He smiled his shark grin at her and leaned into his gold tipped cane. Sombrely, he moved to the window, staring out into the landscape as if contemplating the grand designs of life.

You could almost believe he was like any other person. Normal. Safe.

"Did you know that I had a son once?" Gold spoke into the still air. "He died in a landslide. He was chasing after a girl of all things, trying to impress her by showing him how brave he was, going to a cliff that was weakened by the earlier day's heavy rain."

Regina sat still. The way he spoke, he might as well have talked about the weather.

"I understand what family means Madam Mayor," he turns to Regina and his eyes showed a clever sympathy. "You try to do anything for them because you're afraid you'll lose them if you don't but you lose them anyway. In the end you have to remember those were their choices and not your own. They hurt themselves. They took their own happiness away."

Regina clutched at the armrests. "I am sorry for your loss Gold but I fail to see what this has anything to do with your visit."

As if finally given his cue, he pulled out a small envelop from his coat and dropped at on Regina's mahogany table.

"My point is," he enunciated slowly, "I'd hate to see my future sponsor broken and disheartened by the choices of loved one. Especially ones she has no knowledge of."

The hair on the back of Regina's neck bristled.

"What're you getting at."

"You're allowing a serpent into your garden Madam Mayor," he began walking towards the door, his dark coat hovering behind him gave him an eerie appearance of a grim reaper, and his cane the scythe. "I for one, would like to keep my garden free of them. Wouldn't you?" He stared down at the board, "I'd have taken knight to queen. You would've had an instant checkmate."

With that he left.

Regina stared at the door. Of course, the bastard had chosen the rare moment where her secretary wasn't around to prevent his entry.

She turned her attention back to the board, ready to put him out of her mind when she remembered the envelope. It was best to leave some things untouched and she knew accepting anything from Gold was for his own gain. Yet as she considered her tactic, her attention drifted to the table.

Staring across to the brown packet, she noticed how thick and padded it was. Her feet had moved on their own accord, taking her to the table until she was inches away. Long graceful hands reached for the open end of the manila envelope and unbound the thin string.

When she reached aside, she felt a pile of glossed photo papers and pulled them out.

The images printed on them nearly made her sick.

Emma.

With strangers.

All of them different.

One showed her walking into a shady motel, her cheeks beaming with a smile while the man attacked her neck against the door.

Another was a close up. She could even see the tongues.

Then a woman. The two of them in public. With her face between Emma's-

And another showed that face. That face she was intimately familiar with made because she was pressed against the wall of by a stranger, her legs wrapped around his torso while his pants showed his bare-

She gritted her teeth and tore at the image. An almost savage growl escaped her lips, her fists biting on the edge of the table as cold hate filled her.

_I'm walking right into Gold's game_, she tried to tell herself. _None of it, none of it matters_. _We weren't together then._ _We weren't-_

But then memories of all the hurt, the pain and the loneliness of her life without Emma erupted from her chest. The nights she spent crying into her pillow, self-loathing filling her soul with a vengeance while she questioned God why she was left behind. Then she remembered all the times she's struck Emma, bit down on her, threw cruelty at her, reduced her into a pile of a cold, emotionless mess that made her leave and she cried harder.

This began with her, she tried to reason. To think clearly. This isn't Emma's fault, any of it. _This isn't my fault_. _This is Gold. This isn't me and Emma. This isn't-_

She still couldn't stop herself from falling to the floor, a choked sob escaping her lips while tears cascaded down her face when she saw the date from the first picture.

It was a few days after Emma left.

* * *

**Yeah… I don't know why I did that either… And I have no idea if a docks master can actually exist as a council member title. In my head, he's just some punk son of a rich merchant who essentially takes care of the rent on boats being secured at Storybrooke docks. Make sense? So anyway, hope you all enjoy this chapter. **

**Cheers :)**


	21. Agent Big and Agent Mean

**Kneel to The Left? **

**Who the heck is Kneel to the Left?**

**Let me explain. Green Eggs and Bacon was a name I chose under pressure. The excitement to write got away with me and I didn't actually _think_ of the penname I was committing to. A few days ago, I came to this new one, which is derived from the initials of my name KTL.**

**By the way, did anyone else see the Da Vinci Code? Where the left side of the human anatomy represents the feminie side? Guess it wasn't too hard why I chose Left for L huh? My attempt at being _deep_ and _meaningful_.**

**And I know, Graham? When did he get in? I have to admit, after coming to this scene I realized Sheriff Graham was sorely needed and I've been going over some past chapters to repair this error of mine.**

**Thank you all who've stuck with me all this time. I feel like we're approaching the end soon.**

**Apologies for the massive novice errors during the continuation of this fiction and I'm sure, careless information here and there.**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

It is very easy for most to forget that Regina Mills actually _does_ something with her title and authority as Mayor. Hidden behind the wooden panels of the Town Hall, no one sees the extensive layers of paperwork that she barrels through with the precision of a cardiac surgeon. The hours she put in to diligently go through form after form, sheet after sheet and file after file to ensure the economic and social prosperity of their sleepy little town.

Hence, it was all too easy to take for granted Regina's status as town leader and never think twice on the efforts she puts in to actually keep the citizens safe.

Ethan Gold was a man everyone knew without having to introduce. He wasn't exactly the type of man you wanted to bring around to meet your family after all. The man had an uncanny ability to at times, literally suck the life out of the room with his presence alone. Slithering into Storybrooke one day, long before Regina's time, it took less than half a year for him to have everyone caught in his deep polyester pockets, ignorant of the 'fine print' they all ignored in their moments of desperation. The details he so eagerly (and sadistically) abuses when he knocks on the doors of his patrons and calls in his favours.

He seemed untouchable. Impotent.

A quite God dwelling in the middle of nowhere.

Which was why everyone only looked on in shock and blatant delight, when men in dark suits hauled his screaming behind into the back of a shining, dark vehicle. Handcuffed and all. Sheriff Graham leaned against the doorway of the musty pawnshop, only too happy to stand back and let the federal agents manhandle the crippled owner (ex-owner now, really).

The rumours and insinuations spread through the town like wildfire.

Ethan Gold wasn't even his real name. It was something Bain. Nathaniel Bain or Robert Bain, no one knew for sure. He was a small-time thug from Chicago, on the run after having stolen funds from people he _really_ shouldn't have. Since then, he'd hidden himself away to the most isolated town he could think of and set himself as a loan shark. That's how his _business_ began and influence established.

No one knew the exact story.

And Emma Swan wasn't about to wait days for the Mirror or whatever else publisher to release the official news to the public.

"Miss Swan, if you could just wait," Remy trailed behind after the blonde, juggling the latest set of red tape she was bringing in for Regina, "please, I'm begging you Miss Swan, please?"

Emma burst through the doors of the Mayor's office. "What. In the _hell_. Just happened?"

Of all the things Emma was prepared to see, Regina lying on a foam mat in a plough pose, her hair pulled into a ponytail, wearing ankle length tights that hugged her like second skin and sports bra that bared too much and not enough was the last thing she'd expected.

While Emma could focus on nothing but the bare midriff exposed to her, Regina seemed oblivious to Emma's arrival, breathing in slowly as she slowly brought her legs down. She sat in an Indian pose and calmly straightened her back, relaxing yet strengthening all at once as she breathed deeply.

When she finally opened her eyes, the cold, hard gaze of the Mayor remained centred on her blonde intruder.

"Other than you barging in on the rare free time I have to do Yoga? I have no idea Miss Swan, perhaps you should remind me."

Regina stalked off behind her desk, pulling up a sleek, gym bag of what Emma assumed contained her office clothes. She could just hear Remy muttering her apologies to Regina before shutting the door, leaving the two of them alone behind closed doors.

With Regina looking like _that_.

The brunette popped open a bottle of water, swallowing a healthy amount as she waited for Emma to continue.

"The whole Gold thing out there," Emma swallowed, sea green eyes transfixed on the tranquil movements of Regina's throat.

"What about it?" The brunette smoothly pulled out a white collared shirt and flattened it on the desk, a black-laced bra following close behind. "Do you mind?"

"Wha-?" Emma stuttered, "oh, right. Sorry." She turned slowly, feeling the heat rising to her cheeks.

"You were saying, dear?"

"Gold," Emma repeats, regaining clarity once olive toned abs were out of sight although not quite out of mind. "He's literally being hauled out of Storybrooke as we speak. What the hell happened?"

Although Emma didn't know much about how politics worked, she'd spent enough time as deputy of this sleepy little town to be fully aware of the skeletons everyone tried to ignore. The skeletons pouring from the closets of the town inhabitants just to keep the system operating. From what Regina had explained, Gold was a threat that couldn't quickly be eliminated. A threat that required time and patience to crush thoroughly.

Emma heard rustling behind her and kept her hands forced in her pockets, refusing to look.

"It was time," Regina answered simply, pushing the bra off her and letting the cool air harden her nipples.

"Time for what?"

"For him to go, of course."

"Regina, so help me Go-"

"No turning."

"I wasn-"

"Yes, you were but nonetheless, continue. Eyes forward please."

Emma growled, not sure which she was more irritated by, Regina refusing Emma to see what she was more than familiar with or how condescending she was being. "I need a little more explanation than that, Regina."

The brunette considered her options carefully, black stocking running up her calves as she did. Emma, while once a law enforcer of Storybrooke, was no longer one despite her intentions. Her rights to confidential state information was no longer eligible. Still, Regina supposed, she couldn't share anything that wasn't going to be announced soon anyway.

"Gold was always a threat I meant to rid the town of," Regina pulled out her ponytail, hands brushing through dark mane while she spoke. "But it was difficult. Irritating as he was, he certainly had a way of making things _look_ perfectly legal, protecting him from all repercussions of whatever unethical behaviour he might conduct."

Emma grunted. Yes, she was more than aware of that ridiculous attribute of his. As often as she wanted to knock his head clean off with his own cane, it always seemed as if he could make even the damn _cane_ sue her for assaulting the wooden object.

"And he had a lot of lands under his name," Regina popped open her small pocket mirror, fixing her dark lipstick while she continued. "Lands he should not have the right to own. It was too much. He was eating away at the town funds and life without anyone really realizing it."

"The strategy was to keep letting him think he owned us," Regina popped her lips, pressing them together to get the perfect smudge, "let him think everyone still owed him in some way or another while I found the legal framework to buy his own property back from under him. Get the town back, basically."

"So…" Emma shuffled, staring into the woven patterns of the carpet, "so you were just biding your time then?"

"Essentially, yes," Regina fixed her collar. "You may look now."

When Emma turned, she was almost disappointed to see her ex-wife completely out of her gorgeous workout apparel and back in full Mayor mode. Not that she minded too much. Not when those lips looked _that_ good.

"And the Feds are here because?"

Regina smirked at that, unable to hide the viper underneath despite whatever person she was trying to be now. Emma cringed at the look, all too familiar with the wicked glee gushing from a woman who'd just had her way.

"Because he's been here under a false identity for a _long_ time Miss Swan," dark lips pulled into a half grin, fingers lacing into each other while her elbows rested on the armrests. "And let's just say, I've been making sure I had my own town sorted out before I was ready to let them step in."

Emma stared at her, astounded. Finally, she slumped her shoulders, shaking her head. "I gotta admit, that was pretty good. And it was amazing seeing the look on his face when they came after him."

Emma had honestly been there by pure coincidence. There was a clinking sound coming from Regina's washing machine that'd been bugging the hell out of for a while. Finally, irritation and boredom got the better of her when she decided to do something about it. But of course, to actually accomplish anything she needed tools.

And let hell freeze over before Regina owned an actual tool kit of her own.

So she was across the street from Gold's, going through wrench sizes when the black steed of justice swerved onto the pavement with Agent Big and Agent Mean emerging for brief seconds until they kicked open Gold's door.

He'd been screaming Lord knows what the entire time they shackled him and took him away.

Apparently when the man got mad, his Scottish accent just got thicker and thicker.

"So, that's it then?" Emma asked triumphantly, "you got everything back from him?"

"Essentially, yes, I did," Regina shared her victory, smiling at the pride she saw on Emma's face. "He's gone for good. He won't be coming back to Storybrooke again. At least, not from what I understand, not for a very long time.

"Good to know," Emma praised, her in own way. Gold had been a thorn in their sides both professionally and personally, far too eager to barge into the Swan-Mills family just so he could have the hydras of the den under his control. They'd manage to evade him thank Christ but it didn't really stop him from trying. Several attempts at _Henry_ even had both mothers convinced they needed to keep picking him up from school until he went off for college.

"Will that be all, Miss Swan?"

_Okay, what the hell is up with the Miss again?_

Emma wanted to question but she held her tongue. Considering the recent events of the day, she didn't want to spoil this victory with the wounds of their failed marriage and even bigger failure to reconnect.

Her heart clenched at the thought, recalling some of the paragraphs that'd been burned into her mind. She wasn't ready for that yet. To have all of it out in the open and she sure as hell wasn't about to let Regina in on her suspicions that their all too meddling _son_ had something to do with it.

They've been having a few, peaceful days lately.

Why spoil it?

She sighed heavily. "Alright well, I guess I'll leave you to it then," Emma stood up and made to leave, "oh and Mary Margaret wants to know how the car arrangements will work for tomorrow?"

"You'll be driving with her," Regina answered easily, her eyes focused on the bureaucratic gift laid neatly across her desk before Remy scampered off. "I'll be driving with Ruby."

Emma frowned, wondering why the waitress deserved to be on a first-name basis with Regina but she didn't.

"Ah alright then. I guess I'll see you at home?"

It stills Regina somewhat while it surprises her. The use of the word 'home'. Has it even been earned yet? The acceptance back into that house as her home?

For a few seconds Regina refused to lay her eyes on the blonde. Finally, the woman looked up, dark, expressive eyes melting into chocolate as they did. "Yes," she spoke slowly, "I'll see you at home."

It was a small thing but it meant the world to Emma. She couldn't stop the smile emerging on her lips nodding eagerly and darting out, unwilling to let their good luck run out.

Half an hour after Emma left, when Regina was sure she wouldn't return, she pushed her office desk to the right. Her arm leaned over and pulled open the drawer containing that filth that Gold dared send her. Dark eyebrows pulled into a fierce hate, anger filling her as she clutched at the envelop.

Finally, in five quick strides, she stormed over to the raging fireplace at the side of her office and tossed it in.

She stared at the simmering paper, willing the fire to quicken and burn away at its contents and reduce it to ashes.

Satisfied at last, she turned back to her desk and readied herself to submerge in more of the work the townsfolk was happily ignorant of.

But for Regina, signing the documents that stated Renard Bain, would officially be transferred to Chicago, where he would undergo trial for embezzlement, assault and battery, extortion, forgery and drug trafficking was like handing candy to a child. Of course, this was all a formality at this point. Soon enough, he would be lying in an orange suit that would match his beady eyes on a stale bunk bed in Cook County jail where Regina was sure, some of his old _friends_ were just dying to see him.

* * *

**I apologize if I got the trial process wrong but… well, you all get the idea. **


	22. Dear Regina

_Dear Emma,_

_How're you?_

_I'm sure you're fine. As always. _

_You're always fine. _

_As for me? I'm not quite there yet. _

_But… I'm trying._

* * *

_Dear Emma,_

_I hate you._

_Merry Christmas._

* * *

_Dear Emma,_

_I started seeing a therapist today. _

_Christ… me... Seeing a shrink._

_Can you imagine?_

_Wherever you are, try not to eat so much fast food, please?_

_Love,_

_Regina._

* * *

_Dear Emma,_

_Henry's doing better today. _

_He actually tried to get in a conversation with me. It hasn't been easy, trying to earn his trust back. Every day is a challenge and it's a slow, hard process but it's getting better. _

_You know… I don't know if I hate you or love you more for leaving me. _

_You had to, I understand. _

_But… you didn't have to be so… mean… I think you leaving me was punishment enough, don't you?_

_I think I might go see Katia again today._

_I hope you're doing well._

_Take care._

* * *

_Dear Emma,_

_Have you ever had… one of those days where someone unveils the world beyond your usual human perception? _

_Sometimes… the human mind is a lot more complicated than I believe it to be. A vast ocean filled with all the experiences of the past, some of which they never even dealt with until someone, in my case, quite literally FORCED you to do it._

_Katia's been… helping me develop a true sense of clarity. _

_It wasn't just my past with you she delved into. Quite forcibly, without my consent, she went so far back into my past, I wasn't even sure I was willing to continue seeing her._

_Especially, when she made me relive everything that happened between my mother and me. _

_When I say everything, I do mean EVERYTHING._

_It was… the sense of deep-rooted hurt she dug out. This false perception I've been carrying that everything my mother ever said to me, ever made me feel was okay because she was the parent. _

_And how far I've ignored all of it._

_And I was a child. A naive child who was desperate to believe this larger than life woman who braided my hair when I wanted, who read me stories before I went to sleep had nothing but my best interest at heart._

_It took thirty-two years to accept that parents really do make mistakes. Even with me. _

_She fed me criticisms and cruelty under the guise of love and guidance. _

_She demeaned everything I ever did, from the way I walked, to the way I talked so often and so happily that at some point, I began to worry about if I was even _breathing _correctly around her. _

_What can I say. You swallow poison often enough under the pretence of tenderness and you start to fool even yourself. _

_That illusion… it affected everything I did. _

_How could I connect with people when I didn't believe I had anything to offer? How could I connect to them when I began to believe all they would ever throw at me was hate and cruelty when my own mother did the same to me despite my best efforts…_

_So… when someone bright. Beautiful. Strong and just… this flaming ball of life came charging into my life one day, kept pushing my limits, kept challenging me, kept making me feel that she was this worthy opponent, told me she loved me… I honestly didn't believe it._

_Why would anyone think I was worth a damn?_

_I think, for the better part of our marriage, some part of me never did believe someone like you could ever love someone like me._

_Which was… why I always retaliated against your every mistake in the worst way I could. I loved how my mother taught me to love. And I punished the way I was taught to punish. _

_And I did it ten times worse because in some warped way… I loved you more than my mother did me..._

_Wow… how messed up was I?_

_It takes a split second. Just a split second for me to drown in the crimes I committed upon you. _

_You loved me so much in so many ways and all I could give you was violence… _

_All those sessions. They were meant to help me get over you but Katia dug up something much deeper. _

_Old demons I couldn't ignore anymore. Old wounds I'd slapped a Band-Aid on, hoping they'd heal while I ignored the pus that boiled and damaged everything I cared about._

_Do you remember that one night I woke up furious with you because you were tracing my face? Your eyes. Those big, gentle eyes were just staring at me, like… like I was something so precious you couldn't believe I was yours. And I, like the bitch I was stormed out of bed, furious beyond reason because you interrupted my sleep because I had a meeting the next morning. _

_I remember the look on your face. I remember how scared you were because all you were doing was loving me unconditionally in that moment and I slapped your love away._

_How many times did I make you feel that your love was unworthy? How many times did I say you weren't good enough? How many times did I hurt you over and over..._

_I… I remember. I remember all of it. _

_You were always so scared. So frightened of every tantrum I threw because you never knew when it would come in your direction. _

_Why did I… how could I… I hate myself. I fucking hate myself for what I did to you._

_I would rather die a thousand deaths, have the flesh torn from my bones, have the bones in my hand broken repeatedly before I EVER lay a hand on you again._

_All I mean is… in all honesty, at this point I would RUN from you just to make sure you're out from my line of fire because I'm not okay._

_ I'm just not okay._

_What sort of fucked up person HITS the woman they love and then later thinks that it's okay because it was done out of love. _

_What sort of…_

_God I am so sorry…_

_Even your gifts. I belittled you for them because the colour wasn't right or the style wasn't matching and… and I didn't appreciate _anything _you did for me._

_Now I pay for it every day. I pay for it in the self hate I wallow in… not that I don't deserve it because I do…._

_I said I hated you before. And I'll admit I've had worse thoughts but, I would never wish any of it on you. _

_I want you to be loved in the ways you DESERVED to be. _

_So here it is... Here is everything I should have said but never did…_

_Thank you Emma. Thank you for your necklace. It was lovely and I wear it always now or at least carry it with me in my purse. _

_Thank you for my birthday card. The song you recorded was adorable and despite how off tune it went at times, I loved it and I'll treasure it always. _

_Thank you for always pouring me a glass of (anything) first when we dine. You're so sweet._

_Thank you for FRIENDS box set. Yes, the container was a little damaged but that doesn't matter to me. I love that you bought it, thinking of me even when you were away on your trips. You were right. Phoebe is awesome. _

_Thank you for making sure, that when we walked, I always walked inside of the pavement away from the cars. Even then, you made sure I was safe. _

_Thank you for always asking me how my day was when I came home. It made me feel like what happened in my life outside of us mattered. I'm sorry I didn't ask more of it from you. For assuming that just because I received reports of what went on in the Sheriff's office, I didn't need to ask._

_And… well…_

_Thank you for loving me while you did. _

_You were my life. _

_You probably always will be._

_I'm sorry for everything._

_Take care. _

_And Goodbye._

_Yours,_

_Regina_

Emma sat stark still in her bed, her knees bent underneath the blankets and the bedside lamp illuminating an orange haze across the guest room. She bit on her lower lip, motionless while her eyes read the last letter over and over.

She had promised herself to never touch this journal again but the last letter. The final entry so absolute in its contents held something she couldn't stop herself from wanting to recite.

Tears sprang into her eyes, and she pressed them shut refusing to cry.

Her fingertips traced the words, the gentle scribble so different from the angry handwriting in all those pages before. Slowly, she turned the page, her breath caught in her throat like it always was whenever she saw the sketch.

One page. A whole page filled with a portrait of Emma smiling. There were water blotches at the bottom and Emma couldn't help but wonder if Regina had cried while she drew this.

At the bottom was a small scribble that read 'I wish I made you smile more.'

She brought her palm to her lips, demanding her tear ducts to withhold the saltwater when she jumped.

In the eerie silence of the night, she could hear faint echoes of stiletto heels on hardwood floors. She quickly turned and switched off the lights, waiting for the sounds to fade. Quieting her breaths, she stilled as she watched through the thin gap beneath her door until a shadow paused right in front of her room.

Her heart hammering against her chest, she waited.

Two minutes passed and nothing happened. She swore she heard a sigh from the other side of the door until finally, the _silhouette _passed.

The blonde released a sigh of relief, waiting until she heard the soft click of another door.

Quickly, she turned her light on and reached for a pen. The book opened in her palms, and she flipped for the last page.

She counted one to ten, calming her thundering heart while she tried to think of the words. Finally, she set the tip down and began write in her neatest possible calligraphy.

_Dear Regina,_

_I'm sorry too._

_And I forgive you._

_Thank you for loving me so much..._

_Because__ I love you too..._

_So… can we try again?_

She shut the journal, quickly scampering off the bed to push it into the side of her duffle bag, the one she'd be taking on Mary Margaret's weekend bachelorette trip.

As she pulled the zipper shut, she swallowed, wondering if she'd made the right decision.

Over the next two days, she would have Regina or not.

Either way, it was all going to be over.


End file.
